I'm ready to kick out my 20-year-old son. (stepdad, parent, grandfather)

[crazyma]

there are plenty of males who move out to 'become' men...and most of them are still trying Care to meet my 54 yr old Ex??

[sheenie2000]

I don't think kicking him out is the solution. I think it's trying to come up with a plan of action for him. He seems to have a plan somewhat formulated. It just needs a little tweaking.

Maybe he needs extra help in school. Maybe you as the mom can help him w/ homework (if you can) or find a friend or tutor who can help him. If he tries his best and gets a C-, I don't think it's fair to just kick him out.Maybe you need to drive him and pick him back and forth from school till he gets a licence. It doenst matter whether it's one mile or .5 miles. It's against the law for him to drive and you as the mom should know better. And if you are breaking laws (as you said he is throwing in ur face), then you need to first get yourself on track. He only knows you as an example. So he's going to follow that.

Again instead of giving up or kicking him out. Come up w/ a plan. Write it down together and follow through w/ it. First start w/ the driver's license. That would be hopefully the easiest!

[CA4Now]

Originally Posted by LynnePatrice

What makes him different than all the other people out there who get a permit, learn to drive while supervised, take the road test then voila! They are on their own.

In California one has to have driven 50 hours--which needs to be signed off on by a parent--with a learner's permit before the road test can be taken. The 50 hours must be driven with an adult over the age of 25. Many kids don't qualify for this, and if the year expires before their 50 hours are up, they need to re-apply for the learner's permit. (And yes, teens do fail the road test here.) I know many teenagers who didn't obtain their driver's licenses until they were over 18 because of this law. (Years ago it was 12 hours, which was of course was easier on the parent and the kid, but obviously much more unsafe.)

[jimj]

My nephew (18) has failed the driving test twice now and could really care less. He just started college in San Francisco and decided all he needs is a Bicycle anyway so yes there are people who either can't or don't want to drive.
Hope your son makes it to at least make him legal and yes, you'll have to prove insurance at DMV.

[SandyCo]

Here is the latest: The car apparently blew a head gasket, so now it's in the shop being fixed. Who knows what other work will be needed? It has 173,000 miles on it. My son is determined to make a go of this, when in reality he shouldn't have bought the car in the first place. He paid $2,000 for a car that has parts of the engine held together with duct tape! (Maybe I should be grateful; he certainly isn't driving it now, right? )

The other issue is that the seller never provided the smog certificate. Obviously, the car won't pass smog now, so my son can't even transfer the title yet. I suggested that he ask the seller to take the car back, fix it and provide the smog certificate as he's required to by law. No, my son doesn't want to do that. <banging head on desk> He's going to spend a ton of money on a car that was never worth it in the first place! I guess this is a lesson he just has to learn the hard way, but I wish it were much less expensive.

[pshinspections]

Originally Posted by jamesandveybe

OK, where is this kid's dad? Or father figure? Why wasn't he moved out and forced to work after high school? Is he handicapped in some way or lazy?

Agreed. No father figure = no motivation to be a man.

[Sam I Am]

Originally Posted by pshinspections

Agreed. No father figure = no motivation to be a man.

Yes, but that can't be the excuse not to grow up, nor for mom to put him in the position to not grow up. And there's a whole family story there, and a tragic one, but I think it is easier as single moms to say "but he didn't have that influence". Yeah, he did - somewhere he's run into a decent, hard-working guy. Even with no real steady man figure in their lives they find their way by emulating...just gotta make sure they are emulating the right kind of guy. I think as single moms we tend to occasionally enable or make excuses. Voice of experience speaking again. Life with a young male is most definitely harder without the strong male figure...it's harder for mom, it's harder for kids.

SandyCo, whether they verbalize it or not, they ARE looking for approval from some male figure. During the teen years it may be their buddies, but as they get older they tend to seek that out to some degree...maybe there's an uncle or close family friend that could take a little interest in him and his new/old car and help walk him through it all so he doesn't get ripped on repairs or something? It's also an area of common ground for a well-rounded adult to lead the way and talk about other things that might inspire your son.

For now the car is in the shop...and he may spend a lot of money on it out of pure stubborn, or that car may be the love of his life that he babies back into working order. It may take a ton of money to get it running, but look on the bright side - your son will have to work to make that money and he can't get into a lot of foolishness if he's working. In his off time he may decide to mess with the car and work on it, and it may give him some focus. Hopefully.

I am praying he will see the light about going to the former owner about the smog thing...that in itself could cost a bucket.

[20yrsinBranson]

Originally Posted by SandyCo

He doesn't have a driver's license yet, because his grades weren't that great. He started learning how to drive recently, so I released some money to him that his grandfather (my dad) had been saving for him. He immediately went out and bought a POS car that cost $2,000. He knows he can't drive the car by himself, and yet he has done so - more than once. Because of that, I'm taking him off my insurance policy completely. God help him if he gets into an accident while he's driving alone on only a learner's permit - even if it's not his fault! I've tried talking to him, and he just doesn't get it.

I'm so frustrated. I thought he was more responsible and mature than he is now showing me. I never should have released that money to him; it's obvious that he can't handle it. I'm angry with him, but I'm almost more angry with myself.

He's going back to community college in September (he took a semester off to work, and he was paying me rent for four months), and if he doesn't bring in at least a "C" average, he's out. I'll give him two months to save up enough money to find an apartment, and then I'm done.

I'm so furious with him. I almost hope he does get pulled over, so he'll finally understand. I don't care if he's only driving a couple of blocks or a couple of miles or whatever. How can I condone him breaking the law?

Call the cops on him. He is breaking the law and endangering people's lives and if he KILLS someone and they found out that you knew about it and allowed it to continue YOU might be held liable in a civil court. You are being NEGLIGENT by allowing this continue. All they have to do is prove that you knew about the situation, and you could lose everything you own.

20yrsinBranson

[crazyme4878]

Originally Posted by SandyCo

Here is the latest: The car apparently blew a head gasket, so now it's in the shop being fixed. Who knows what other work will be needed? It has 173,000 miles on it. My son is determined to make a go of this, when in reality he shouldn't have bought the car in the first place. ....

Not a horrible lesson for him to learn. Just sit back and watch--as long as its his own money!

TO THOSE BRINGING UP THE NO FATHER FIGURE ASPECT: Give it a rest! Single mothers are faced with enough discrimination! And how do you know he didn't have some kind of male role model? Maybe an uncle or grandfather or friend's father or neighbor or teacher. You don't know yet still preach on.

[callalillies]

sandyco your story is irritating me now bc u arent doing anything about him to actually get a license. don't u think it's odd that he has this car and wants to spend so much money to fix it when he doesn't have a license. and dont u find it odd that u are giving him suggestions on this car.

how bout doing things the right way first; like following the LAW! this car may have broken down for a reason, maybe for you guys to actually get ur ACT together. both of you should grow up.