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Old 08-12-2008, 09:41 PM
 
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My husband is sparring with my son. I have 2 kids, 5 yo girl and 3.5 yo boy. Fights between the kids are not really fights as they quickly end with whining and complaining.

By asking about boys, I just needed re-assurance that it's normal (like Crazyme, I'm newly navigating the boys' world).

My son and his dad do almost nightly WWF impersonations. The dad lies on the couch and lets his son pummel him. Says "dropkick" - and son jumps down on him. They do "twirl punch", "head butt" and all the others. DH is ready of course for son's blows and it doesn't hurt him.

To help you visualize - imagine S. Stallone in the last Rambo - that's my dh's physique. Imagine (if you can) that Rambo had a child, a little Rambo - that's my son. He weighs 45 lbs and wears size 5 clothes - muscles and heavy bones, not fat. And, by the way, both are basically "teddy bears" - kind and lovable, not the aggressor types.

So I understand they are having fun - as well as training my son to be sure in his own physical abilities. It's just the tiniest part of me wonders if there is a line somewhere ?
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Old 08-12-2008, 10:07 PM
 
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I know others would say different, but I say let them have fun. Your husband will help him learn how to use his body and feel good about himself. You will help him learn to be kind and to be a protector. Well, your husband will do that to, but a little nagging whisper from you will make sure he does! I personally think its great that he is wrestling around with him. Your son will watch his dad like a hawk as he grows up and if he sees daddy being a "big teddy bear," then chances are he will, too (with some bumps and stearn reminders from his parents). Meanwhile, your son is also learning how to act in his big, muscle-bound body--in fact, learning how hard to hit without hurting is probably just as important as learning not to hit!

I would be more worried about what he watches on TV than wrestling with his dad when it comes to violence.
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Old 08-13-2008, 04:21 AM
 
20,222 posts, read 19,775,461 times
Reputation: 13283
Quote:
Originally Posted by nuala View Post
My husband is sparring with my son. I have 2 kids, 5 yo girl and 3.5 yo boy. Fights between the kids are not really fights as they quickly end with whining and complaining.

By asking about boys, I just needed re-assurance that it's normal (like Crazyme, I'm newly navigating the boys' world).

My son and his dad do almost nightly WWF impersonations. The dad lies on the couch and lets his son pummel him. Says "dropkick" - and son jumps down on him. They do "twirl punch", "head butt" and all the others. DH is ready of course for son's blows and it doesn't hurt him.

To help you visualize - imagine S. Stallone in the last Rambo - that's my dh's physique. Imagine (if you can) that Rambo had a child, a little Rambo - that's my son. He weighs 45 lbs and wears size 5 clothes - muscles and heavy bones, not fat. And, by the way, both are basically "teddy bears" - kind and lovable, not the aggressor types.

So I understand they are having fun - as well as training my son to be sure in his own physical abilities. It's just the tiniest part of me wonders if there is a line somewhere ?
Sounds like they're just having good, old fashioned fun.

My son and I wrestled and "play fought" lots of times and it was all in good, energy burning fun. My wife got a big kick out of watching us. Sometimes I'd "tag" her and she'd jump in the fray.
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Old 08-13-2008, 05:04 AM
 
Location: Desert Southwest
268 posts, read 1,196,110 times
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I am not a parent, so my perspective on the issue is from growing up with an older brother. While we would get into the occasional rolling around on the floor or grass wrestling match, it never went beyond that. By the same token, I knew a set of 3 brothers that would get into full on fist fights that resulted in black eyes and bloody noses on a weekly basis. I guess some brothers just get along while others don't and there isn't really much that parents can do to change that.

Our father was a black belt in karate and showed both of us certain moves that would enable us to better defend ourselves should we ever need to. Not total martial arts training but just a few tricks. It didn't make my brother and I more aggressive toward each other or other kids. In fact, my brother only had one fight in school at age 15, and my first fight ever occurred a year after I graduated high school.

Boys are naturally more high energy and aggressive. But it doesn't mean that they will automatically turn into bullies. I think it's important that father's teach their sons to defend themselves but also when it is appropriate to do so. And honestly, at a certain point in most boy's lives they figure out when and if it's worth getting into a fight at all.

So let your boys be boys. It's all part of their learning and growing process. Besides, if I was a parent, fighting would be the least of my worries when compared to all the other things that a child faces growing up today.
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Old 08-13-2008, 08:01 AM
 
Location: West Texas
2,449 posts, read 5,930,122 times
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My wife and I have this discussion all the time. I have two boys that are now 22 and 16. Because of the age difference, any physical altercations were definitely one-sided.

But, to answer the question "Why do boys fight all the time?" my answer is "Why do girls cry all the time?" Many women will consider this a cop out, but hopefully will see the deeper context and potential of what I'm saying... but it's genetics.

Why do women cry at the drop of a hat sometimes? Estrogen. That's the same reason boys/men fight... testosterone. Expecting men to fight primal urges that have been bread through generations is like asking women not to cry. Do all women cry? No. And all men don't fight either. We condition ourselves to try to control our emotions, regardless of what they are.

I don't think boys fighting is "conditioning" them for the future or anything at all. The more a boy physically fights, the better fighter he may become, like anything else he does. I tell my boys it's okay to resort to fighting in two situations: to defend yourself, or to defend someone else who is not capable of defending themselves. And in the latter, there's a difference of jumping into a fight your friend got into because of his mouth, or seeing a bully preying on an innocent other.

We have testosterone... it makes us agressive... we have to learn to overcome it, but understand there are times we, ourselves, don't understand why we get almost physically angry at one thing but not another.

If you're wondering if fighting will cause boys to become more aggressive or beligerent, will giving them a gun make them a killer? Will giving them a spoon make them fat? Everyone has certain capabilities within themselves, it's how they use those capabilities, and how they are taught to use them (the acceptible boundaries, training, etc.) that will decide the rest, perhaps.

Just my two cents, but does it make sense?
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Old 08-13-2008, 08:43 AM
 
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Rathagos--Excellent post!
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Old 08-13-2008, 09:42 AM
 
Location: Omaha, Nebraska
303 posts, read 976,490 times
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I have 7 grandsons, 3 of which live with us during the summer. Tell me about a house full of testosterone!

This is an unteresting thread with many good responses too.
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Old 08-13-2008, 02:45 PM
 
Location: PA
1,032 posts, read 4,251,393 times
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Rathagos - I see your point, and I agree!

I spent a few days with my friend who has 2 little girls - I have 3 little boys - and at one point she said to me, "how can you stand the constant rolling around an jumping around? Don't they ever just sit still and not touch each other?"

To that I replied, "Yes, my boys are high energy, and our house is pretty chaotic at times, but I am paying the piper now, and you will be paying the piper later, during the teenage years when the girls are crying about everthing all the time."

She agreed.

The boys will exhaust you, but the girls will get you mentally - I used to be a little girl, I know
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Old 08-13-2008, 02:50 PM
 
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KristyLiz--I keep telling myself that all the time! Sure, my house always looks like a tornado went through, they seem to be able to break anything within 24 hours, the bathroom is always a mess, and they are always, always egging each other on! BUT, I won't have to deal with the girl drama and the fighting when they are older (and hopefully not too much of the glaring, either!). Priceless!
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Old 08-13-2008, 03:53 PM
 
Location: Spring, Texas
410 posts, read 1,676,387 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyme4878 View Post
KristyLiz--I keep telling myself that all the time! Sure, my house always looks like a tornado went through, they seem to be able to break anything within 24 hours, the bathroom is always a mess, and they are always, always egging each other on! BUT, I won't have to deal with the girl drama and the fighting when they are older (and hopefully not too much of the glaring, either!). Priceless!
Boy's ...I just love 'em!

Having two boy's ... 21 & 24 I'm on the back stretch...amen! Yes, they were forever goofing with each other...words ...wrestling... but most of the time just for the others attention. It's just how males relate to each other. I would of been worried if they totally ignored each other. The short of it is... they turned out to be great people & close friends...
Sunny
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