Like the parents - can't stand the kids (girl, activities, son)

[Topaz]

Originally Posted by 121804

What if you were in their boat & this was being written about your kids?

As for parents that just sit there while their children are monsters & do nothing about it...if that's the case, that says something about them & thus I would question the purpose of the friendship.

If anyone thought my children were spoiled brats, I would want to know about it. But we are rather strict with our children and we place a high priority on making sure that our children aren't making other people miserable.

As to the parents whose children ARE spoiled brats, you can respect your friends as people and really enjoy spending time with them but not respect their parenting style. I personally don't believe in permissive parenting but I'm not prepared to write off anyone who parents that way. Especially people with whom I've had friendships for decades, BEFORE any of us became parents.

[I love the Bears]

Originally Posted by 121804

I see where you are coming from but then again I also see it as sort of condescending to the adults you consider your friends.

If they are truly your friends, you take the good with the bad.

Your point is very valid. At the same time, the point is a little immature.

Instead of finding fault, maybe just be grateful you have what you have in your children. What if you were in their boat & this was being written about your kids?

As for parents that just sit there while their children are monsters & do nothing about it...if that's the case, that says something about them & thus I would question the purpose of the friendship.

If someone thought that about my children I would want to know because I would want to address the issue and make sure that my children were not rude to others. But before they could say anything I would already be dealing with it. I am very grateful that my children are as well behaved as they are - but let me tell you - it was not an accident - we made sure they were raised that way. They are not perfect and everyone has bad days - but they have good manners and know how to act in public.
Why is it immature to not want to be around spoiled, whiney kids who break my things and are rude to my family and I? I guess you missed the part about trying develop friendships with new people. We have one couple with three boys that are our best friends - we see them the most. But as we get involved with new things - sports and new jobs we are meeting new people. We are not furthering the friendships of the people who just sit there and let their children hit my dog, my 6 year old and my front door - all with sticks- for instance.

[I love the Bears]

Originally Posted by Topaz

If anyone thought my children were spoiled brats, I would want to know about it. But we are rather strict with our children and we place a high priority on making sure that our children aren't making other people miserable.

As to the parents whose children ARE spoiled brats, you can respect your friends as people and really enjoy spending time with them but not respect their parenting style. I personally don't believe in permissive parenting but I'm not prepared to write off anyone who parents that way. Especially people with whom I've had friendships for decades, BEFORE any of us became parents.

I'm not about the permissive parenting either and it's really not a matter of respect. It just surprised us that we've been interacting with a lot of different people and it's been insane. I guess I am so shocked that people let their kids get away with such blatant disrespect.
We don't say anything - not really any of our business - but I can't see furthering the friendship if I'm going to be completely uncomfortable in their company.

[treeg26]

I wouldn't further the relationships, either! Don't feel bad about it. Hopefully you'll have better luck in the future! Continue spending quality time with your old friends for now. Be grateful for them!

I moved (not far) 2 years ago. I have not really made any new friends in my new town. I only see my old friends about once every 2-3 months. It do wish I had some couples that we could hang out with in our new area, but I just haven't met anyone that I click with yet. I guess it takes a lot longer as we get older!!

[overtaxedunderpaided]

Originally Posted by max's mama

I always have the opposite problem: love the kids, can't stand the parents. Actually there are no kids in this world that I can't stand.

Ditto!

[121804]

Originally Posted by I love the Bears

If someone thought that about my children I would want to know because I would want to address the issue and make sure that my children were not rude to others. But before they could say anything I would already be dealing with it. I am very grateful that my children are as well behaved as they are - but let me tell you - it was not an accident - we made sure they were raised that way. They are not perfect and everyone has bad days - but they have good manners and know how to act in public.
Why is it immature to not want to be around spoiled, whiney kids who break my things and are rude to my family and I? I guess you missed the part about trying develop friendships with new people. We have one couple with three boys that are our best friends - we see them the most. But as we get involved with new things - sports and new jobs we are meeting new people. We are not furthering the friendships of the people who just sit there and let their children hit my dog, my 6 year old and my front door - all with sticks- for instance.

Then say something to the parents if their kids are so awful.

It's not immature. Just not sure why you are not saying something to the parents, especially if they are breaking things.

Of course no one enjoys being around other families who are having issues with their children. It's not fun, it's not comfortable, and it can be upsetting.

What you just wrote is a lot more clarifying than your original post.

You didn't mention in your first post that you had other friends who you got along with and that you were not continuing the relationships with those who children were upsetting you. Hence, my initial response.

I completely see where you are coming from but also saw the other side.

[I love the Bears]

In the past I have tried to talk to the parents in situations like this and it never went over very well - it ALWAYS caused problems. In the situation where the kids were running wild with a stick we told them it was time to go home that if the children couldn't follow our rules and the parents wouldn't respect our home enought to enforce our rules they couldn't be there. It wasn't pleasant - but at that point I didn't care anymore. But in general - if a person doesn't see that their child is being rude or bratty - they are not going to be open to hearing about it from another person and it will just become a larger problem for me in the end. Those are the people that we just end up avoiding. We do have a nice circle of friends and we all get along. I love children and I always have my nieces/nephews and God children running in and out and staying over.

[VBmom]

I have this problem with my best friend. She is a single mom and, bless her heart, is doing the best she can. Her boys are just WILD! They came to visit and everything we did was either "stupid" or "boring". All they wanted to do was sit in the house and play video games. My own son, (same age as her oldest) was shocked. Even he got to the point of not wanting to play with her two. No matter how hard we tried, and we did, everything was miserable for all of us. I have to say, I took a long, deep breath when I took them to the airport.

[121804]

Originally Posted by I love the Bears

In the past I have tried to talk to the parents in situations like this and it never went over very well - it ALWAYS caused problems. In the situation where the kids were running wild with a stick we told them it was time to go home that if the children couldn't follow our rules and the parents wouldn't respect our home enought to enforce our rules they couldn't be there. It wasn't pleasant - but at that point I didn't care anymore. But in general - if a person doesn't see that their child is being rude or bratty - they are not going to be open to hearing about it from another person and it will just become a larger problem for me in the end. Those are the people that we just end up avoiding. We do have a nice circle of friends and we all get along. I love children and I always have my nieces/nephews and God children running in and out and staying over.

It's not very pleasant, is it

I am a little too strict & am learning to adjust a little but I have a very spirited & energetic toddler who has a heart of gold & loves to share; it's just that he is very tactile & energetic. He is in a phase where he like to hug & kiss everyone when he first sees them. I worry people are going to think he is a maniac without rules as he is starting preschool shortly. It's far from the case. I'm just trying to figure things out as a parent & while not stifling my child's incredible personality also very, very, very firmly making sure he knows there are boundaries, rules & that we are his parents. It's not easy but I refuse to let my child grow up without positive direction. It's not fair to him. Of course, my #2 is the complete opposite & calm as can be.

I guess I see know why I am not part of mom groups or early childhood groups. Don't think I could handle seeing some things (hitting, biting & grabbing drive me nuts) & not saying anything.
At the same time my child is probably running around in circles singing the alphabet & the moms are probably looking at me like I am crazy.

It's nice to have a good group of friends who have a rational parenting philosophy & will not tolerate or accept certain behaviors, especially in public or when with other families.

[I love the Bears]

It is important to find people with similar parenting ideas. If someone is hitting or biting my kid - you can bet I am going to say something. It gets a little more complicated when darling little Johnny doesn't listen to the 10 times that I have told him not to slam my front door or jump on my couch or open my fridge and the parents are right there. My husband and I have a very firm rule - our house - our rules. We are not over bearing - kids are going to be kids - but at the same time they need to learn to respect other people's homes. Most of the time I am not annoyed with the kids - they are usually only acting the way they are allowed to act. It's the parents that drive me nuts - when they are completely oblivious. I realize that we are all a little blind to the ways that our children drive other people crazy - but come one - can you not grasp that it is not okay for your child to open every closet in the kitchen and stand on the dishwasher door? I don't mean you - I am just using some real life examples!