How do you talk about sex with your son? (babysit, custody, toddler)

[sgresident]

my oldest son is 19 and we stressed to him that you should not have sex until you are ready and if you really think you are ready, be sure to be safe. we pointed out that an unplanned pregnancy can ruin both the girl and the boy's life. You should really think how you would handle being a parent when you are still a kid! with all of this talk on tv lately, I have talked to my 13 year old son and explained the same thing. and have told them both, that they can always come to me or their dad with any questions, comments or concerns and to not worry what other kids are doing. they have to be their own person.

[mom2justynsarah]

My son will be 10 in December. He has already started to develope hair "down their" and have body odor. He wanted to know why. He didn't think it was normal. Plus, he has been asking us why people stick tongues into eachother mouths (he sees this on tv) etc.

So we went through the whole "Puberty", "How babies are made", "French kissing" and "Sex" is talk. We kept it simple, gentle, to the point, and emphasized that ONLY adults engage in these activities. For the most part, he took it very non chalaltly (spelling?). But there were times he was like "eeeeewwwwww, groooossssssss!".

So now he knows that french kissing is not licking somebody's teeth, babies are not born through the stork, sex is more than kissing, and he will NEVER EVER EVER kiss a girl. lol!

[925mine]

Originally Posted by mom2justynsarah

My son will be 10 in December. He has already started to develope hair "down their" and have body odor. He wanted to know why. He didn't think it was normal. Plus, he has been asking us why people stick tongues into eachother mouths (he sees this on tv) etc.

So we went through the whole "Puberty", "How babies are made", "French kissing" and "Sex" is talk. We kept it simple, gentle, to the point, and emphasized that ONLY adults engage in these activities. For the most part, he took it very non chalaltly (spelling?). But there were times he was like "eeeeewwwwww, groooossssssss!".

So now he knows that french kissing is not licking somebody's teeth, babies are not born through the stork, sex is more than kissing, and he will NEVER EVER EVER kiss a girl. lol!

Are you sure you want him to think "ONLY adults engage in these activities"??? What will he think when he's 14 or 15 and experiencing an enormous desire to kiss and/or have sex with a girl??? Will he think something is wrong with him the same way he thought when he discovered pubic hair?

[djacques]

Originally Posted by workingmomwang

My son is still young, but thinking about his teenager years kind of worries me when it comes to birth control/sexual transmitted desease, like how do we approach the topic of sex with your son? See…if you tell him that he needs to wear condom, that’s like saying, it’s ok for you to have sex.. But if I don’t tell him about protection, he might have sex without a condom, what would you do? Will you be ok if your son has sex during teenage? Sometimes, the more you say it’s not ok, the more they want to just out of curiosity.

My kids will be well educated on birth control and STDs before their teenage years. I'm not a religious believer and would have no problem with them being sexually active as teens as long as they are safe and responsible.

[925mine]

One thing I've noticed on this thread, is as parents of boys, everybody posted about birth control and keeping THEMSELVES safe, but NOT ONE PARENT has posted ANYTHING about respecting the girl and how to handle things when she says NO. Isn't that where you should start?

I have a daughter, and let me tell you, that's the FIRST thing we talked about when the subject turned to sex. From the time she was very little, she has known that she should NEVER do something just because someone else says she should if it doesn't feel right, or she doesn't want to. She's been brought up to DEMAND respect from boys.

Curious, don't you think, that mothers of boys don't teach how to be respectful to girls when it comes to their sexual desire, but they are the first ones to claim their boys aren't old enough to be fathers when the girls get pregnant??? And the boys aren't taught moral responsibility for the pregnant girls???

TEACH YOUR BOYS TO RESPECT THE GIRLS BEFORE YOU TEACH THEM IT'S OK TO HAVE SEX AS LONG AS THEY ARE PROTECTED. They aren't ALWAYS going to be protected.

[DubbleT]

Originally Posted by 925mine

One thing I've noticed on this thread, is as parents of boys, everybody posted about birth control and keeping THEMSELVES safe, but NOT ONE PARENT has posted ANYTHING about respecting the girl and how to handle things when she says NO. Isn't that where you should start?

I have a daughter, and let me tell you, that's the FIRST thing we talked about when the subject turned to sex. From the time she was very little, she has known that she should NEVER do something just because someone else says she should if it doesn't feel right, or she doesn't want to. She's been brought up to DEMAND respect from boys.

Curious, don't you think, that mothers of boys don't teach how to be respectful to girls when it comes to their sexual desire, but they are the first ones to claim their boys aren't old enough to be fathers when the girls get pregnant??? And the boys aren't taught moral responsibility for the pregnant girls???

TEACH YOUR BOYS TO RESPECT THE GIRLS BEFORE YOU TEACH THEM IT'S OK TO HAVE SEX AS LONG AS THEY ARE PROTECTED. They aren't ALWAYS going to be protected.

That is a very insulting generalization.
I have a son that was taught about sex in much the same way SmokyMtn and FarNorthDallas posted. And it's not just talking about sex, it's about love and commitment, responsibility, relationships, and families too. I didn't teach him to respect "girls", I taught him to respect everyone.
Some of us with sons also have daughters. My daughter got basically the same types of conversations and information my son did. I never saw a lot of difference in explaining sex to girls or to boys (other than how their own equipment worked of course ).

[Elmonellie]

Originally Posted by workingmomwang

My son is still young, but thinking about his teenager years kind of worries me when it comes to birth control/sexual transmitted desease, like how do we approach the topic of sex with your son? See…if you tell him that he needs to wear condom, that’s like saying, it’s ok for you to have sex.. But if I don’t tell him about protection, he might have sex without a condom, what would you do? Will you be ok if your son has sex during teenage? Sometimes, the more you say it’s not ok, the more they want to just out of curiosity.

A father is a wonderful thing.

[BlueWillowPlate]

Originally Posted by 925mine

One thing I've noticed on this thread, is as parents of boys, everybody posted about birth control and keeping THEMSELVES safe, but NOT ONE PARENT has posted ANYTHING about respecting the girl and how to handle things when she says NO. Isn't that where you should start?


And the boys aren't taught moral responsibility for the pregnant girls???

TEACH YOUR BOYS TO RESPECT THE GIRLS BEFORE YOU TEACH THEM IT'S OK TO HAVE SEX AS LONG AS THEY ARE PROTECTED. They aren't ALWAYS going to be protected.

Good advice, but I think respect is a two-way street.
My boys are 19 and 25 now, both have steady girlfriends, so far so good.
But I gotta tell ya, some of the girls out there are awfully aggressive!
With my older son, they had sex ed in 5th grade,I bought him a book, It's Perfectly Normal, and I had a serious, BLUNT talk with him myself. (I'm the mom! My husband is a good father but too shy. I wasn't too shy.)
Anyway
The girls....the girls. They called him on the phone day and night, 1, 2, 3 o 'clock in the morning. The funniest (yet scariest) thing was when they came knocking on what they *thought* was his bedroom window at 4:30am.
Unfortunately for them, they picked our bedroom window.

[NWPAguy]

[quote=lolagranola;5176141]

Originally Posted by NWPAguy

I don't have any kids yet but of course I'd take the Christian moral route... which is, coincidentally, the logical route... and explain why sex isn't a good thing before marriage. Let's face it, an abstinent person never has to worry about STDs or becoming a parent before he/she is ready. Certain STDs, and definitely unplanned parenthood, are lifelong conditions... and it just ain't worth fifteen minutes in heaven to have something like that befall you, especially in this day of HIV/AIDS. I'd surely talk with my kids about protection and what happens as you get older and your hormones kick into high gear... but no form of protection is 100% effective. Again, if you don't want an STD or a baby, there's only one way to be sure you won't get 'em.QUOTE]

Are you saying that there is no need for education... about protection, prevention, and how their bodies work?

If people never had sex outside of marriage, there would be no such need. I doubt I'll have to educate my kids on the liberal agenda of protection and prevention, as schools do a fine job of that. (However, I'm sure I'll tell 'em about everything... as I tell everyone about everything... just so that I can have a fully developed logical basis for claiming abstinence to be the only safe route.) I recall five years of school where we had several weeks each year for "sex ed" in health class... they sure as heck didn't preach abstinence... they just stated the facts. I can't even recall if they told us that "the only safe sex is no sex".

[MICoastieMom]

We live in a community where sex education is routinely taught in school. I did not feel that exempted us as parents from having 'the talk.' So when my oldest was about 15 or 16, I sat him down one day and began explaining things. Not only from a biological standpoint, but from a moral/ethical standpoint as well. STD's, personal responsibility, respecting his girlfriend and her parents, etc. He finally stopped me and said, "You know, Mom I know all this already." At which point, I summed my feelings up thusly, "Well, here's one thing you don't know, you'd better keep it in your pants, because I am not being anyone's grandma until I am at least 50. We both know how you feel about your girlfriend's mother, do you want to spend the next five or six years living in her house?" He thought about this for a moment and asked when would I be 50. Not until you are at least 22 and out of college, was my reply. A little humor can go a long way to getting a point across.