How do you talk about sex with your son? (teens, teaching, baby)

[workingmomwang]

My son is still young, but thinking about his teenager years kind of worries me when it comes to birth control/sexual transmitted desease, like how do we approach the topic of sex with your son? See…if you tell him that he needs to wear condom, that’s like saying, it’s ok for you to have sex.. But if I don’t tell him about protection, he might have sex without a condom, what would you do? Will you be ok if your son has sex during teenage? Sometimes, the more you say it’s not ok, the more they want to just out of curiosity.

[Jday]

If your son wants to have sex he will do so, there's no way to stop it. I would say the best bet is to teach him safe sex, that way you know he is at least being safe about it. My mother took the straight up approach with me on sex. Told me I should wait until I'm older and in love and know the true connection between physical sex and the emotional side of it.

I would just be straight up with your son. Tell him how you feel about it and preach to him that if he decides to have sex young, you don't like it, you won't allow it in your house, and you won't support it (if you indeed feel that way.) But, also teach him to be safe on all aspects and teach him the risks of it. It's far worse to have a 16 year old daddy, than a 16 year old kid having sex safe, in my opinion.

I'm in no way trying to tell you how to raise your kid, just telling ya what worked for me when I was his age.

[ExPit]

Originally Posted by workingmomwang

My son is still young, but thinking about his teenager years kind of worries me when it comes to birth control/sexual transmitted desease, like how do we approach the topic of sex with your son? See…if you tell him that he needs to wear condom, that’s like saying, it’s ok for you to have sex.. But if I don’t tell him about protection, he might have sex without a condom, what would you do? Will you be ok if your son has sex during teenage? Sometimes, the more you say it’s not ok, the more they want to just out of curiosity.

Nothing like planning ahead, but one thing you gotta know is so much of the time kids should be on a strict need-to-know basis. Like that TV show where the eight year old son comes home and asks his mother and father point blank, "Where did I come from?"

The conscientious educated parents, who'd been anticipating this day, had even prepared a delicate way to approach the subject, to tell their son the truth without going into graphic details, and as they were just about to dance their way through it, the boy looks up with confusion and says, "No, I mean Richie comes from California, but how about me? Where do I come from?"

[nsumner]

I purchased a book at Barnes and Noble for my son when he was 8-9 and it's titled "what's happening down there". It was very helpful for him to read through it and it talks about hormones and how the body changes and what to expect and what it means when something does something ... It also talks about protection and STDs.

He is 13 now and his dad has had "the talk" with him since then and he asks us questions whenever he has one. Of course he is not sexually active, but I feel that the book really helped break the ice.

[Beretta]

I started out when my children were young with their sex education. I was very matter of fact about their genitals and we always used appropriate terms for their genitalia. As they grew there was no shame for saying the terms. As they aged the conversation was easier with that base. At some point we talked about the genitalia of the opposite sex with appropriate terms and the differences that God made between males and females. I too made sure that they had appropriate reference books along the way. Also, as they became teens I let them know that those hormones were very powerful and that we all have had those feelings, etc. I was very open with them about actions and consequences, life goals, etc. I let them know that ultimately the decisions that they made for their life were just that. Don't get me wrong, we don't sit around talking about sex, but being open and discussing human sexuality has been much easier with my children this way. They are not afraid to bring it up and neither am I. One thing that has helped is to show empathy. I let them know that we understand how difficult abstinence is because of hormonal urges. I have also let them know that mature sex is a wonderful thing. Hope this helps?

[NWPAguy]

I don't have any kids yet but of course I'd take the Christian moral route... which is, coincidentally, the logical route... and explain why sex isn't a good thing before marriage. Let's face it, an abstinent person never has to worry about STDs or becoming a parent before he/she is ready. Certain STDs, and definitely unplanned parenthood, are lifelong conditions... and it just ain't worth fifteen minutes in heaven to have something like that befall you, especially in this day of HIV/AIDS. I'd surely talk with my kids about protection and what happens as you get older and your hormones kick into high gear... but no form of protection is 100% effective. Again, if you don't want an STD or a baby, there's only one way to be sure you won't get 'em.

Not to mention... sheez, a lot of y'all could back me up on this... sex with a condom sucks when compared to "the real thing".

[VBmom]

I had my last child when my other two were 9 and 12. The pregnancy and birth were wonderful teaching moments for my other two. We discussed sex in a limited way and just added to it over the years.
When my son disclosed the fact that he had his first girlfriend, I openly discussed the need for safe sex, if that became an issue for him. I did tell him that he should wait but who are we kidding here. Teenagers are having sex earlier and earlier. We told our son that there was a drawer in our room that contained condoms. He was free to use them. We do not count them. We also discussed that condoms are not 100%. That the only thing that is 100% is not having sex. He is now 19 and in college. So far, so good.

[FarNorthDallas]

I started out when my son was young and we just continue to discuss all aspects of it, adding details as he gets older. He's 13 now. It's an ongoing talk, not The Talk.

Palin's daughter's pregnancy has proved to make a good conversation. I am not telling him any one philosophy, but telling him all of them. Some people think teens should be taught this, others that. It will ultimately be his decision. Most people have sex prior to marriage. That's just reality.

[lolagranola]

[quote=NWPAguy;5174579]I don't have any kids yet but of course I'd take the Christian moral route... which is, coincidentally, the logical route... and explain why sex isn't a good thing before marriage. Let's face it, an abstinent person never has to worry about STDs or becoming a parent before he/she is ready. Certain STDs, and definitely unplanned parenthood, are lifelong conditions... and it just ain't worth fifteen minutes in heaven to have something like that befall you, especially in this day of HIV/AIDS. I'd surely talk with my kids about protection and what happens as you get older and your hormones kick into high gear... but no form of protection is 100% effective. Again, if you don't want an STD or a baby, there's only one way to be sure you won't get 'em.QUOTE]

Are you saying that there is no need for education... about protection, prevention, and how their bodies work?

[925mine]

Originally Posted by FarNorthDallas

I started out when my son was young and we just continue to discuss all aspects of it, adding details as he gets older. He's 13 now. It's an ongoing talk, not The Talk.

I agree completely. Here we talk all the time about anything and everything. When there were questions at an early age, they were answered up front. There has never been any subject off limits for discussion. When you start when your children are very young, there are no surprises later on, and the door is always open so there is no embarrassment to bring things up.