Any One Have A College Student Hating It (support, games, wife)

[DKVA]

Hi Everyone
Does any one have a son/daughter wanting to come back home?This is a college she wanted to go but last night and today she calls up crying that she does not want to be there and to make a long story short it the kids-either they want to go clubbing/parties or play video games which is nothing she wants to do. She is moving out of her room because she and her room mate do not have any thing in common.I have tried to ask her if she has tried to get involved in an activity-but only crying and "you don't understand". I have offered for my husband and I to come on the week end to talk and/or help her move, even to come home for the week end but all she says is "I don't want to be here. I know you have to be supportive and not talk about coming home-also 11k down the drain!This is not her character-she is out going a wonderful kid-good student and is a person who gets involved.
Just a little back ground-we were relocated 4 years ago and pretty quickly she made the transition. Made friends,got involved-we did fly her back to visit.But for here's the kicker we are being relocated again-14 hours away. Unfortunately we have no choice older age and no jobs available here at the salary. Also my husband tried and tried with the numbers but we cannot afford 2 places or 1 place and a rental because the air fare will kill us.So-vacations and breaks she will now be going to a new home which she has said I'll visit but not stay the whole time, I relocated 4 years ago and I will not start over again.
What's a mother to do-my heart is breaking.
DKVA

[ironicdreams]

Sweetheart, I know it's hard for you and it probably is for her too. If all that money was spent for her to go to college, she needs to try to stay. She is probably really stressed and overwhelmed I'm sure. But at some point, she'll have to learn that she can't just run and leave her problems to make them go away, because they'll catch back up.

Give her a little while to calm down.

[jimboburnsy]

How long has she been at school?

My wife went through something similar. She decided right away that she was not happy at her college and wanted to come home and to come home IMMEDIATELY. Her mother totally stiff-armed her (I'm sure due to financial concerns) but made a deal that if she still wanted to leave after a full school year (with at least a 3.2 GPA of course) she would support it.

Guess who wound up being the biggest proponent and sports nut that her alma-mater has ever had?

If you defer her un-matriculation to the summer, she'll probably get over it long before that time and you will be occupying a much less "SO UNFAIR!!" position. If not, you aren't out the cash.

[colleeng47]

Try calling her school and talking to a counsellor. I'm sure they've dealt with many adjustment problems in the past. The counsellor could probably speak with your daughter and make her feel more comfortable.

I am the type of mom who would want to rush out and bring her home, but that is not the best thing to do. See if the school counsellors can help you out. They won't want to lose a student. Good luck, I feel for you.

[VBmom]

Is she a freshman? It is tough for the first couple of months. My son went for a summer session, loved it, couldn't wait to get back. Then when fall started he wanted to come home too. By the time he got to fall break he had made a ton of friends and now would probably sell his soul to stay (he is a sophomore.) Let her complain, cry, b@@ch if necessary but tell her she has to stick it out until the end of the semester. If, by then, she is still miserable I would let her change colleges. Maybe a jr college and living at home for a year? Just a thought.

[ExPit]

Just be careful, because she could be trying to tell you something, either that her situation is untenable, or that she is on the wrong path for herself. That balance between proactive and passive is a tough one to strike right, every time you're called upon to do so. When she tells you that, "You don't understand," she could be right.

[jimboburnsy]

Originally Posted by ExPit

Just be careful, because she could be trying to tell you something, either that her situation is untenable, or that she is on the wrong path for herself. That balance between proactive and passive is a tough one to strike right, every time you're called upon to do so. When she tells you that, "You don't understand," she could be right.

I was coming back to edit my first post to this effect. That's a real possibility. She could be having an experience that actually warrants beating a hasty retreat. It may be a good idea to get on the phone and not get off until you are satisfied that you have the whole picture.

[ExPit]

Agreed. Unfortunately some of our college campuses are more toxic than is our society as a whole. If you don't drink, do drugs and have casual sex you could be seen as a prude. Sounds like your daughter could just be a good kid.

[Sleddog905]

I felt like that when I first when to college as well. The big question that others have asked is this her first year? It is a huge transition period, and the only person/people you can associate with initially are your roommates. I didn't get along with my roommate either, so I switched rooms and that did help. Unfortunately I lived in a sweet with 6 girls and 3 bedrooms, so I couldn't escape this person, I just wasn't sharing a room with them anymore. I moved into my own apartment after my first year and that made a huge difference. I was living with two really cool, down to earth people who didn't party.

I would definitely encourage her to get involved in some sort of activity. I made quite a few friends when I joined the track team at my university, and I'm not an outgoing person.

Definitely go there and scope out the situation, but it's entirely possible that she's just overreacting because she's in an uncomfortable situation. Have her hang on until the end of the semester and see how she feels then.

Good luck!

[121804]

Go visit her on a weekend.
There are many variables & you need to be with your daughter.
She could be having cold feet& homesick or there truly could be a situation.

I went through both in college. Was desperately homesick one year & a one year had very bad situation going on that I needed intervention but was too afraid/scared/confused.

You are her mom. She's calling out to you for a reason.

Good luck. It's probably just homesickness & getting use to college. College is actually sort of stressful in it's own way.