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I've learned that size and age are only part of the factors in social dealings.
There are tiny kids in comparison to most that are little dynamos. They are popular and very often the leaders. They don't get left out or teased/bullied or anything but treated nicely.
At the other end, I've seen adorable kids who are older and taller than most and they are at the point of being socially rejected.
A much bigger factor is how they act towards, and react to, others.
Are they confident in themselves? Are they capable of laughing at themselves? Are they willing to try new things? Do they step forward when they want?
Basically do they feel empowered and do they believe in themselves? If the answer to that is yes, it won't matter what size they are, how old they are or how they look!
I just read something written by a friend of mine. Her daughter while in 5th grade was socially struggling. Big time back then. They made a conscience effort to give her the tools to turn her life around and she did. Quite magnificently apparently! One thing the mom related was that on a field trip her daughter took a tumble down a muddy slope. She was mortified and afraid. Mom took her home and let her clean up and then she returned her to school. When she walked in she announced to the whole class...."And that's why my parents have me take ballet!!" She got a huge laugh and not a one made fun of her.
I don't think it matters all that much. I started kindergarden when I was 4 (Nov. baby), and I don't think it made a difference at all. I actually thought it was cool that I was 17 when I graduated! I plan to do the sam ewhen my son (also Nov. baby) starts kindergarden as well.
I haven't read the entire thread but thought I'd share my own decisions:
First daughter started late. She's an October birthday. It worked in her favor because although she is small for her age (usually smaller than kids a year younger than her), she is also immature. Giving her that extra year increased her confidence. For the first time this year, she is not the oldest in her class. Probably half the class are late birthdays (kids turning 7 at the first half of the year).
Second daughter is an August birthday. I didn't hold her back but put her in kindergarten. I've been second guessing myself but want to just continue the school year, see how she does and then decide if it was the right or wrong decision. She's a bit immature also and isn't at the top of her class but she sits firmly in the middle--and she's happy. Most of the kids in her class are 5 (she is the youngest) but there are also three who are already 6 and are doing kindergarten again (I could immediately tell who the older ones were).
My dh is for starting early. I am for starting late.
My dh was started early b/c it was more financially feasible for his parents than day care costs at the time.
As a prior teacher, I could see slight differences & taught middle school. It was general maturity that could be seen.
I started my daughter early, she has a late September birthday. Although she did OK in school, I think I should've waited. She just isn't mature enough IMO. She's now graduated at 17. I think if she graduated a year later it would have given her more time to grow up. She would have been 18.
Location: In my own little corner... sittin' in Jax FL
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What it comes down to, in this debate, is knowing your child.
IMO if a child is mature enough to handle school, send them. If they are close, send them. If not, don't. But don't start them "late" for no other reason than to give them an advantage over the other children.
I have struggled with this decision...my twins will be starting kindergarten in the fall...part of me wanted to hold them back bc I wasn't sure they were ready...but on the other hand..their birthday is not late (march) and they are physically really big for their age...so I was concerned if I held them back they would be giants going into k and it would cause them social problems, being so much taller than the other kids. Now I am regretting my decision with school just weeks away bc we are going through some tough things in our family (dad and I are separating) and I am worried they will be emotionally overwhelmed with all the change.
We struggled with this decision for our middle son, who has a July birthday in an area with a Sept 1 school cutoff. He had attended PreK and was very bright. He knew all his letters, numbers, could write his name and was on the verge of reading as he entered K. We decided to let him start school. He was on the smaller side, but not out of the normal range that you see in a classroom. He did well academically in elementary school but he was immature and he struggled socially. He had friends but some of the older girls thought he was a bit of a baby. As he got older it mattered less and less.
Now he is entering 8th grade and it really doesn't seem to have affected him in any long term way. He is a good student, making As and Bs in a mix of honors and regular classes.
One thing that parents should think about is their child's interests. If a child is interested in sports, music, or any activity where physical maturity is an advantage a young child may be at a serious disadvantage. I don't think that holding a child back strictly for an advantage in sports is something that should be done, but if a child is young, small, socially immature, and interested in sports it is just one more factor to consider.
Some parents hold thier kids out of sports strictly for sports regardless of their birthday. My son found that he was one of the very few "true" freshman when he was wrestling and he doesn't have a late birthday (Feb).
I have a mid-July baby in a Sept 1st cutoff state, which does not matter as we are moving before he starts Kinder. I have given thought to this b/c many states seem to have the Sept 1st cutoff.
He is the youngest of four and, while he is only 2 now and I may change my mind in the next 3 yrs, I think he will be ready the summer he turns 5. He is physically smaller than kids his age (he is off of the bottom of the chart for both measures) but I do think he will be ready socially/maturity-wise. My oldest had a November birthday, and had we been in a Dec 1st cutoff state, I may have held him back a year for maturity issues.
My other two are spring babies and it has not been an issue. I think within the family, it depends on the child.
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