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I hope you're still reading. You have my total sympathy with the peeing. While my children weren't that old, it became a power struggle between each of my kids and me. What was finally successful was me deciding I was not going to tolerate it anymore and putting each of the kids back in diapers (to their total dismay.) I began doing everything related to potty training and diapers totally dispassionately, with absolutely no emotion whatsoever, even though I just wanted to scream with disgust over the whole situation. The kids saw that they weren't getting a rise over me and the pee/poop was contained in the diaper (I also used diaper doublers inside the diapers since their peeing capabilities were huge .) I didn't ask questions why they were using the diaper or why they were choosing to be like a baby. I informed them that they could certainly use the bathroom if they chose, but until they could prove they could stay dry, they'd have to wear a diaper. I took away big-girl privileges like going to the pool and playing in the play area at Ikea or at other indoor play areas. I didn't let them see my extreme frustration. With each of my kids, it took taking away privileges to get them to see that being successfully potty trained was worth it.
Neither of my kids ever chose to urinate anyplace other than their pants or somewhere in the bathroom. If they did, I think I'd make them clean it up (at your daughter's age for sure) and take part in doing the laundry. Make her responsible for her own actions.
Maybe I'm a mean mom, but I think a little peer pressure might be good. Is she involved in any outside activities with other kids? If it were me, I wouldn't hesitate to put her in a diaper even for those outings. I wouldn't broadcast the information to anybody, but a child of almost 6 probably doesnt' want people to know what's going on. I know that sounds mean, but I would let her know that I wouldn't tell anybody, however, if you're going to pee anyplace but the potty, you HAVE to wear a diaper until you can prove you're going to urinate in the correct place all the time.
I do think since you've ruled out medical issues and anything untoward happening, you may wish to seek counseling for the comments she has made concerning not liking herself.
Best wishes to you. These power struggles are SO not fun.
Since you are with her so much, where do you suppose she got the phrase "I don't like myself"? This seems to be the core issue. I am NOT saying that she feels this way, but for some reason, she has gotten something into her head about this and peeing on herself.
I'd work very hard to find out where she picked up this phrase and what was going on at the time. I think if you can track this down and make the connection you will have clarity on why this is happening.
I don't think that liking to be wet is normal behavior. I think that you are going to have to motivate her to make her want to stop if she does enjoy it that much. If positive reinforcement does not work, you might have to step punishment up a notch from just sending her to her room. Not that I am advocating physical punishment, but my guess she views being sent to her room as "no big deal".
You need to find something that she really enjoys and use that to leverage her behavior. Whether it is going to the park to play or watching television (heaven forbid), or taking homeschooling field trips, you need to find her button and push it.
My cousins daughter used to wet herself. Till she was at least 6. She'd be out playing , or just busy, and pee her pants.
My daughter was 3 at the time, and i said to her, please, X, can you please stop peeing in your pants because I am trying to potty train Y, and if you keep peeing in your pants I won't be able to potty train her and you won't be able to come here anymore" I was nice to her but also stern, so she'd know I meant business, which i did, frankly I couldn't have her peeing in her pants when I could hardly get my kid to pee on the toilet.
Well she never peed in my house again, and soon after that she stopped peeing in her pants (don't know if the two were related or not, I don't want to take credit for getting her to stop) I know she stopped because I told her that she wouldn't be able to come over anymore. other than the peeing in the pants, she was one of the smartest kids i know.
i also had a cousin who had a son who did it till pretty late too. i'll have to ask her for more details about that.
thank you all for the advice... i really appreciate it, and i see some good ideas on here
sorry to rage over the abuse thing. i don't know why, but that really annoyed me. i don't know if anyone else here would find it offensive, but after the gajillienth time i told them that wasn't the issue, i started to get offended! sorry, and glad we dropped that. didn't mean for it to sound like an "attack".
again, thanks for all the helpful input. yesterday and today, i've been telling her to go to the bathroom about every 30-45 minutes lol much to her dismay. when she starts to argue, i just pick her up and carry her to the bathroom and stand in the door to make sure she goes. sometimes she does, but of course, not possible to go every half an hour lol also, i thought maybe she was annoyed with the amount she has to go, so i've cut down on her drink intake. she really does drink quite a bit. i figure if i time that better, she wont have to go so much. (don't worry ppl, she gets plenty of fluids, don't wanna start another holy war)
i wish i knew more 5 year olds she could play with. when we move, we want to get her into some kind of kids group.. dance or art or riding lessons.. something.. i'd like to shelter her from any kind of public humiliation, with the potty stuff especially.. but geez... maybe just once it would be helpful?
i asked her brothers, and even her 3 year old sister, to start encouraging her to go to the bathroom. nothing like some good, old-fashioned peer pressure lol
i'm hoping this is all resolved, sooner than later.... i'll let u guys know if i find something that works!
The funny thing about the social humiliation is she knows how to prevent it. I wouldn't shield her from it. Wetting her pants just once in front of her peers might put an end to her naughty little habit. You can tell her it's wrong till you're blue in the face, if someone else told her she might listen. What ever you do, be consistant. Good Luck
well i let her play outside awhile, and when she came back in, she did that thing where she wont turn her back on me.. and yep.. u guessed it. wet. i immediately told her to go to the bathroom and take her pants off. she went, and did pee. i told her she isn't going outside again today. she said okay. she could really care less. i had called her in for lunch when this happened. when she's done eating she's gonna be sitting right next to me for the day, so that i can tell her every 30 min to go to the bathroom i guess. o i am livid. and i can't even show it! AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR!
her dad (jokingly) suggested that we get her leather pants.
well i let her play outside awhile, and when she came back in, she did that thing where she wont turn her back on me.. and yep.. u guessed it. wet. i immediately told her to go to the bathroom and take her pants off. she went, and did pee. i told her she isn't going outside again today. she said okay. she could really care less. i had called her in for lunch when this happened. when she's done eating she's gonna be sitting right next to me for the day, so that i can tell her every 30 min to go to the bathroom i guess. o i am livid. and i can't even show it! AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR!
her dad (jokingly) suggested that we get her leather pants.
It still sounds like a battle of wills between you and your daughter. Have you considered using cloth diapers and rubber pants? Don't even ask if she's wet. Don't focus on the bathroom. She has two choices wear a wet diaper all day, or use the bathroom. She won't be comfortable in those bulky cloth diapers and rubber pants.
Is she staying dry through the night?
well i let her play outside awhile, and when she came back in, she did that thing where she wont turn her back on me.. and yep.. u guessed it. wet. i immediately told her to go to the bathroom and take her pants off. she went, and did pee. i told her she isn't going outside again today. she said okay. she could really care less. i had called her in for lunch when this happened. when she's done eating she's gonna be sitting right next to me for the day, so that i can tell her every 30 min to go to the bathroom i guess. o i am livid. and i can't even show it! AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR!
her dad (jokingly) suggested that we get her leather pants.
Sounds like she's really using this to push your buttons. I don't think any amount of punishment is going to solve this problem. Her comment that she is peeing on herself because she doesn't like herself still concerns me...I really feel the key to all of this lies with getting to the bottom of why she would say that. It can't hurt to ask her why she doesn't like herself.
Sounds like she's really using this to push your buttons. I don't think any amount of punishment is going to solve this problem. Her comment that she is peeing on herself because she doesn't like herself still concerns me...I really feel the key to all of this lies with getting to the bottom of why she would say that. It can't hurt to ask her why she doesn't like herself.
Yeah, I think they do need to figure out why a 5-yr-old would say this. But with the mom insisting that nothing is wrong...well...anyway.
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.) I didn't ask questions why they were using the diaper or why they were choosing to be like a baby. I informed them that they could certainly use the bathroom if they chose, but until they could prove they could stay dry, they'd have to wear a diaper. I took away big-girl privileges like going to the pool and playing in the play area at Ikea or at other indoor play areas. I didn't let them see my extreme frustration. With each of my kids, it took taking away privileges to get them to see that being successfully potty trained was worth it.
