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i thought i'd ask you guys about this, just out of frustration.. i'm considering calling the doctor, but i'm pretty sure it's not a medical issue. i had her checked out about this almost a year ago, and the doctor said it was just a phase. well, it's a long phase we are going through apparently.
my 5 year old daughter pees on herself. every day. on purpose. she'll hide, n then go pee on herself. even if she's not particularly preoccupied, even if she's playing right by the bathroom door, even if i ask her in advance if she needs to go to the bathroom. sometimes i order her to go to the bathroom, and she'll go, but she'll put up a fight. sometimes she'll go on her own. sometimes, she'll pretend to go but wont.
when i ask her why she does it, her automatic response is, "because i don't like myself". now i know she doesn't really feel this way. just trust me, i would know if she was having problems on that scale. she's a happy kid, although secretive.. and she likes to play alone alot, but she's definitely not unhappy with life, and she definitely doesn't not like herself! she says it like it's scripted anyhow. she never says that any other time, only when i ask her why she pees on herself. i have to wonder where she heard that..
today when i really pressed the issue, she said "'cause i like to be wet." i said, " with PEE?" she said yeah. i told her that that wasn't okay, and she gets wet in the tub or in the pool, but "getting wet" with pee is not okay, it's just not clean.. etc.
she gleefully said "okay!" like she was being completely compliant and understanding. i told her that if she was going to pee on herself just because the thought it was fun, that i would be sending her to her room when she does it. she said "okay!" just an hour later, i found her hiding behind a curtain, and i saw that she was peeing in her pants. i scolded her and ordered her to use the bathroom. she did. i sent her to her room.
it wasn't always this way.. but she did need diapers longer than your average kid. (approaching 3) i always thought it was just a phase and she'd finally come to appreciate the toilet. ages 3-4 she used the toilet for the most part, she just had honest-to-god accidents. but since about the time she turned 5, and now she's almost 6, she's just been peeing on herself, seemingly for the heck of it.
i know it's not an accident, she'll go and hide and do it. my bathroom isn't scary or anything.. she'll even pee on herself when we're out places. i was putting pull ups on her, but then decided, maybe that was prolonging the issue. plus she started to take them off herself and sneakily throw them away, and change herself into a new one so i wouldn't know she went. she'll go through 3-5 pairs of pants a day.. she seems so indifferent.
does anyone have any ideas at all?? i'm trying not to lose my temper, but what in the world am i going to do???? i'm so frustrated. i'm afraid with this new rule, she's going to be spending an unhealthy amount of time in "time out" in her room, but what else can i do? plus to be honest, i don't think she minds it up there so much....
my 5 year old daughter pees on herself. every day. on purpose. she'll hide, n then go pee on herself. even if she's not particularly preoccupied, even if she's playing right by the bathroom door, even if i ask her in advance if she needs to go to the bathroom. sometimes i order her to go to the bathroom, and she'll go, but she'll put up a fight. sometimes she'll go on her own. sometimes, she'll pretend to go but wont.
when i ask her why she does it, her automatic response is,"because i don't like myself".
Why doesn't she like herself? Is it possible that someone could be doing something inappropriate with your daughter?
Why doesn't she like herself? Is it possible that someone could be doing something inappropriate with your daughter?
I have to admit, red flags went up for me on this as well. Please, please make sure you investigate everyone she has contact with! Our old neighbor was a strange kids, but started doing some things that worried me. Then I found out that my other neighbor, his uncle, was accused by his daughter years ago of molesting her. And sometimes the uncle would act just slightly different around the boy. Eek! I hate even thinking about it. Anyhow, I sort of danced around the whole issue with his mom, trying to guide her thinking in that direction without accusing anyone. But parents don't want to think that way.
Alright, I'll step down from that issue now.
We have problems with my son and pooping. He is almost six. My cousin's daughter, same age, has the same problems. It is so frustrating! You can't order them to go to the bathroom. For him, he just doesn't feel it coming on until it is almost too late. He solved his problem this summer, finally, but it has started again since starting school. To me, this signals that it is definitely psychological, although I think it started with an immature digestive system. We solved it by rewarding him (for better or worse). Every time he did a "big pooh" in the potty, he would get a special treat. This gave him an incentive to try. Perhaps it would work with your daughter as well. I would figure out her most favorite treat that she rarely gets, then tell her if she has a dry day, she can get it. If it works, eventually go to having a dry week, with a special outing at the end of it.
I would also check back with the doctor, perhaps at first without your daughter. Or try other professionals, such as a counselor. My cousin went to a acupuncturist and got some great advice (I luck out because she passes on all the info to me).
does the fact that you send her to her room make her happy? is she doing it just so she can be sent to her room to play alone?
maybe you should explain to her that she is allowed to play alone in her room if she likes--without going on herself.
also i am afraid to even think it--but is what STRATFORD said possible?
Why doesn't she like herself? Is it possible that someone could be doing something inappropriate with your daughter?
i appreciate your concern, but there's not a chance of that. she doesn't come into contact with many people, and not really ever around anyone without me or her dad around.
i'm certain that it's not that she does'nt like herself. she's a happy kid! i would know if she was having problems like that. we are pretty open around here.
none of my other kids have a problem like this...
it's so difficult nowadays to find help without people immediately thinking the unthinkable. that's why i'm half reluctant to go back to the doctor. all she has to do is nonchalantly say "i don't like myself" and we'll be forced into child psychology and and maybe even social service visits. it's degrading and a huge inconvenience, and who wants people investigating and judging you just because your kid has an issue with potty. it's a scary world.
no, no one is abusing my daughter. i'm with her almost 100% of the time, or her dad. her dad is the best dad in the world, and would never do anything to hurt any of these kids. when they go to the sitter's, (maybe once every 3 months or so) all the kids go. between 5 kids, someone would know something you would think. we've known them for 6 years now. plus they have a daughter (a teen now) and she is perfectly well-adjusted and fine. i am not concerned in the least about any of that.
now, on to other bright ideas... plz ppl lol i'm out of ideas. someone once suggested getting her a stopwatch and have her go every time it goes off, that it might be fun for her. i might try that.
Oh, another thing I have heard/read through my potty problems. Some kids use the bathroom as a power issue. They feel like they don't control the rest of their lives, so they use the bathroom issues as a way to control their environment. This makes sense for us as well, since we have moved four times since my son potty trained.
You might want to find a therapist that works with children. Your frustration is giving her a lot of attention for doing something negative. I think she is enjoying this a lot more than you. By losing control (wetting herself), she is actually gaining control over you an the situation. This is a game for her, hide and pee!
i appreciate your concern, but there's not a chance of that. she doesn't come into contact with many people, and not really ever around anyone without me or her dad around.
i'm certain that it's not that she does'nt like herself. she's a happy kid! i would know if she was having problems like that. we are pretty open around here.
none of my other kids have a problem like this...
Please don't take this the wrong way here, but how are you absolutely, positively certain, that her dad or one of her siblings isn't doing something innapropriate? I'm only expressing concern because i have a cousin who was molested by his own brother. The "signs" were there, but my aunt and uncle kept their heads up their ass. A damn shame.
i honestly don't see any way that this would be happening. i don't know how to convince you of this, you just don't know our family and friends. i'm very, very certain that this is not happening
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