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We have fraternal twin boys, almost 5 months old now. One has been sleeping through the night for over a month. He wakes up happily "talking" to himself, watching his mobile. He loves all the attention we give him, but is also content to play under his "baby gym" or under a Leap Frog thing that plays music. He's over 16 pounds, eats well (usually 8-10 oz at a time) and only cries if he needs a diaper change, is hungry, or needs a nap, and even then you can hear him start to get cranky before he works up to crying, so we normally respond to him before he actually cries. He's an "easy" baby, and so sweet.
Twin number two is smaller (14 pounds) and still doesn't sleep through the night. Lately he's been up 2 - 4 times per night. He can go from smiling to high pitched scream in a half second! He'll often scream like he's dying before I can rush a bottle to him only to have him start smiling at me as soon as the bottle is in his mouth, and he only drinks about an ounce. He also will kick and flail, like a "fish out of water", and just seems angry many times throughout the day. He demands at least double the attention of the other twin, so I feel a bit bad about that sometimes. His concentration definitely isn't as good as his brother's, although every now and then he'll play alone under the baby gym for 15 minutes or so. He just seems like a total "wild child" and really tries our patience with all the crying and screaming. He also wants to be held a lot - wanting us to walk around with him until we're tired out! They had their four month checkup a couple weeks ago, and the doctor said they were both doing great, and this is just his personality.
My question to others is, have any of you had a baby with this sort of personality? Do they grow out of it, or do I just have screaming temper tantrums and A.D.D. to look forward to? Do difficult babies turn into difficult children?
Take a deep breath...
Sure babies are born with different temperments and some babies are just easier than others, but I don't necessarily think this means Baby #2 is going to be a difficult toddler, kid or teen. If you only had this one baby and you didn't have "superbaby" to compare him to, it wouldn't all seem so miserable.
As hard as it is, try not to label him as the difficult one. Try, each day, to start with a clean slate hoping for the best. Some babies are just a bit more demanding and as they develop and learn new skills they become much more content. Really try to avoid preconceived notions - one of these days, he may surprise you.
All that said, please make sure there isn't some underlying medical problem going on. The most likely problem could be something like gastroesophageal reflux. All babies with reflux don't spit up. For many babies, acidic stomach contents just wash up and down the esophagus causing discomfort. Common symptoms include difficulty sleeping, irritability associated with meals, reswallowing, arching and general fussiness. Sounds a lot like your little guy. Often pediatricians will give a trial of an antacid such as Zantac. Please talk to your pediatrician some more.
Take a deep breath...
Sure babies are born with different temperments and some babies are just easier than others, but I don't necessarily think this means Baby #2 is going to be a difficult toddler, kid or teen. If you only had this one baby and you didn't have "superbaby" to compare him to, it wouldn't all seem so miserable.
As hard as it is, try not to label him as the difficult one. Try, each day, to start with a clean slate hoping for the best. Some babies are just a bit more demanding and as they develop and learn new skills they become much more content. Really try to avoid preconceived notions - one of these days, he may surprise you.
All that said, please make sure there isn't some underlying medical problem going on. The most likely problem could be something like gastroesophageal reflux. All babies with reflux don't spit up. For many babies, acidic stomach contents just wash up and down the esophagus causing discomfort. Common symptoms include difficulty sleeping, irritability associated with meals, reswallowing, arching and general fussiness. Sounds a lot like your little guy. Often pediatricians will give a trial of an antacid such as Zantac. Please talk to your pediatrician some more.
Good luck, get some rest and help if needed!
Great advice. Thanks! I'm going to pay attention to his fussiness and see if it occurs more around eating time or after eating. I think I'll call the doctor to ask about this specifically.
We have made an effort not to lable him "the difficult one", and you make a good point about comparing the two. I suppose all twin parents probably have that issue - constantly comparing one to the other, which I don't think is healthy.
I have a friend with twin girls who has a very similar experience. One is much more easy-going than the other, one needs a lot more attention. One sleeps through the night just fine, one doesn't and ended up co-sleeping. One wants to nurse just for food and then is done, the other is on and off the boob all day and likes to nurse for comfort. Her twins are now about 18 months old, and so far their quite different personalities have persisted. I think you just have to remember that they are two different people!
I have fraternal twin girls. Right from the minute I could feel them kicking I knew they had completely different personalities. Twin 1 was less active then Twin 2 however when they were born Twin 1 was much like your twin 2 & Twin2 like your Twin 1. Twin 2 was bigger slept for the first 3 weeks of life & slept through the night from bout 6 weeks. However I could give her a decent feed before I lay her down for the night however Twin 1 had reflux so therefore I had to get in maybe half a feed proceed to watch her projectile vomit what seemed like double that feed up ( I used to line up at least 3 towels as well as have one on my lap & one over the arm of the chair & aim her that way so it was easy to clean up) & prepare to do the same thing again in 2-4hrs later.
One thing I did find was their personalities changed every 6months (they still do & they are almost 7) for the first 6months from around their birthday in Nov until mid may Twin 2 is very much a mommy's girl & very quiet & Twin 1 is loud & out there & very independent yet from mid may until their birthday it swaps. I find it funny because their school teachers get used to one personality & then it swaps & they are like I want the other personality back. However the one thing that never changes is Twin 2 is very girlie girl & loves pretty dresses & jewelery where as twin 1 will run around outside in just her underwear however because that is not acceptable she just pulls whatever out of her drawers & throws it on. Surprisingly though twin 1 is highly intelligent & is one of the top of her class & will sit & read books of any level (even ones intended for teenagers as she has a teenage brother) for hours on end. Twin 2 is a quiet achiever however she self taught herself to tie her shoelaces & swim where as twin 1 can't do either (well she can but is lazy & prefers others to do things for her she's in her dependent 6 months) I have been taking them to my friends pool the last few days the first day she refused to get off the step so I spoke to her that night about the I can do it attitude. As long as you say I can't then you won't be able to do it, but if you keep saying I can do it I can do it you will be able to do it. So the next day we got in the pool & she sat in one of those floaty toys that belonged to my friends 3 yr old (she is tiny in build her sister actually looks like she is 1-2yrs older then her) & put on her float vest. I told her to remember our talk & she needed to hop out of the float toy & hop in to the pool. She stayed on the side swimming without touching it. Then we encouraged her to swim to me in the middle of the pool chanting to her remember I can do it I can do it. Within 10minutes she was racing me up & down the length of the pool in the middle & at 5:45pm I told her she had to get out of the pool because it was late & cold & she wanted to stay in. She only got out because I did & on the promise we will go back the next day lol.
I have always been one of those parents who don't believe in dressing their twins the same. One thing a lot of people fail to understand is that twins whether identical or fraternal are two completely different people they just look the same or similar or in my girls case completely different they just share the same birth date(my twins actually have a lot of identical traits due to the way my pregnancy presented) so your boys may not go through the personality change. My girls have identical twin boys in their classes (they are in different classes both sets of twins) so their mom & I have talked & her boys swap personalities too, but their swap doesn't have a set time period as my girls they can change every day week month or year.
Anyway my point to all this is that you can't really determine what a baby will become based on their personality as it can change dramatically. A lot of a child's personality will be determined on the way they are raised. As long as you teach them good morals & values & right from wrong then you will have relatively well behaved children. Another thing to remember is try not to favor the less demanding one because they are easier to deal with. If Twin 1 is content & Twin 2 requires a little bit more attention then that's ok, but I would take pinetreelovers advice & have a Doctor look more in to possibly reasons why Twin 2 is unsettled & not feeding as well & if he can offer suggestions on ways to fix this.
A friend of mine had no idea her baby had a problem with his spine from the way he was in her womb & he was always unsettled & only someone made a suggestion to her at around 4-5 months that she took him & once he was manipulated by a baby chiropractor or something like that he was a perfect baby. He was unsettled because he was uncomfortable. I can't remember the technical terms or exactly what it was but I know it was really simply fixed & had she known this was the problem from the get go she could have had it fixed earlier & prevented a lot of stress for both her & baby.
Good luck & enjoy there really is nothing like raising twins. The bond they have is amazing & things that come natural to them such as sharing, care & compassion (last time Twin 2 got sick Twin1 was amazing taking care of her she would lay Twin 2's head on her lap & stroke her hair it was such an experience to watch) where as single children need to be taught them as they grow.
I have two boys, but they are not twins. They are 21 months apart and you described their personalities to a tee. Their personalities are vastly different. My first is easy going, was an easy baby, etc. My second baby was very similar to how you described your 'difficult' baby. He has kind of grown out of it, but throughout the years he has definitely been more high maintenance, needs more attention, more direction, more of everything. He is quite passionate and spirited. Some days I want to pull my hair out, and on other days he just cracks me up.
Tomorrow he is turning five years old and we get along much better now than we did when he was a tempermental, difficult little baby. Boy he was a lot of work!
Thanks so much for your respons potstirrer! It'll be interesting to see how they turn out. And interesting to hear how your twins changed over time. The little guy never vomits - maybe a little spitup here and there, but I don't think he's ever vomited. But I have noticed that often he'll start crying whenever we put him on his back. THen you hold him, sit him up, or stand him up, and he's happy. I wonder if that could be a sign of acid reflux? I think it's worth a call to the doctor.
My nephews are fraternal twins. My sister swore she could tell them apart in the womb! And from their birth, the difference in personalities was obvious. One little guy was a sleeper and easy to handle; the other seemed hyper-reactive from Day One.
They just turned 10 a few days ago, and not only are these two boys physically so different they don't look like brothers . . . their personalties are nothing alike. The genetics are fascinating b/c one boy looks like the maternal family side and the other looks like paternal side! Body types are totally different as well. So are their preferences for sports, studies, food!!!
It has been so much fun b/c these two guys are such individuals . . . no lumping them together as "twins." They are each very distinct personalities, making for an interesting household.
My nephews are fraternal twins. My sister swore she could tell them apart in the womb! And from their birth, the difference in personalities was obvious. One little guy was a sleeper and easy to handle; the other seemed hyper-reactive from Day One.
They just turned 10 a few days ago, and not only are these two boys physically so different they don't look like brothers . . . their personalties are nothing alike. The genetics are fascinating b/c one boy looks like the maternal family side and the other looks like paternal side! Body types are totally different as well. So are their preferences for sports, studies, food!!!
It has been so much fun b/c these two guys are such individuals . . . no lumping them together as "twins." They are each very distinct personalities, making for an interesting household.
That's funny, it sounds like you could be describing my 6-year-old fraternal twin nephews. They don't even look like brothers, one is the spitting image of Mom, the other Dad. Personalities could not be more different. One is a follow the rules kid, the other a "rebel". Both are growing up to be great little boys, though!
My children are 24 months apart and are so different. The oldest, a boy, was easy going, slept great, ate great, no problems. I could tell my daughter was different right out of the chute! SHe came out with a scream and hasn't stopped since! Even when she was in utero, she kicked and turned relentlessly. Ok. I'm exagerating but she is 3 years old and she's high maintenance. We never planned this, but somehow she has managed to take over our bed! We're often so squeezed, my husband ends up sleeping on the couch! She insists on first class treatment every step of the way-when she was a baby she needed to be held all the time. However, she is absolutely precious and very, very loving despite her tenacity.
I think babies are born with different temperments which makes this such a big, wonderful world. It would be boring if we were all the same! As long as your baby doesn't have a medical problem (I agree-make sure you rule out an allergy or refux), I would just embrace your babies' differences. I keep thinking our daughter will grow up to be a CEO or on Broadway where she has an outlet for her determination. One day she fought off my son's very large, bully friend (I was watching from the kitchen window). He was trying to take her tricycle and she basically herded him away with her head tucked, while wearing a helmet. He wasn't hurt or anything so I thought, "good for you Molly". She's very petite but not afraid to stick up for herself! It'll be interesting to watch her grow.
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