Trouble with boys (method, support, pregnant, parent)

[dreameyes]

Ok I know this subject has been done to death but I really don't know what to do. My son is four yrs. old and he really is a good little boy it's just he's so headstrong!! I feel like I'm mostly blowing hot air all day; like he doesn't listen to anything I say. He's always saying no to me and just won''t do what I ask. He teases his little sister all the time and although they play pretty well together most of the time he's getting really bossy with her. I'm finding I can't get through a day without yelling which just makes me feel awful at the end of the day; and even if I don't yell the frustration inside me is just boiling up. I'm pregnant too so I certainly have hormones on my evil side which doesn't help either. I know a lot of you are probably reading this and thinking oh ya YOU think you have it bad. He really is a great kid but I just kinda feel like I'm losing it a bit with him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

[crazyme4878]

Hang in there...it's what I'm doing! My son got horrible around age 4, as well. Such an angel before that. He is now in all-day kindergarten (he is five, almost 6) and that helps a lot! I think he thrives in the very structured environment (something I just can't seem to give him), plus he is away all day learning and playing, so we have less time to fight over things.

A lot of people have said to have firm rules and disciplines and follow through. It is excellent advice that I follow, but it still doesn't seem to help too much.

[121804]

Just sending out some morale support.

I have a very spirited, stubborn and headstrong almost 3yr old son. On the flip side, he is also extremely compassionate, loving, tender, smart, funny, and very serious about some things.

We are working on the word "no". It's a battle of wills. It's to see what he can get away with not b/c he is a bad child, but b/c it is in his nature to challenge.

We are in a Mommy & Tot class at the school were he will be going. It has been a really great experience b/c I have seen my son in a completely different environment around kids his own age. He is doing quite well in a structured setting. I also see such an BIG difference in girls at this age & boys at this age.

Anyway, I think that some of the best advice I've ever received is that your child picks up your weaknesses & feels when you feel sad or angry or happy. Right now, you have lots on your plate due to being pregnant. He is picking up on the anxiety and responding to it.

Maybe see if you can get some one on one time with him once a week for an hour or two. Go to the park or library. Maybe go for a walk. Just do something with him that makes him feel safe, secured & loved.

The best thing you can do for your child is to make sure they know they are loved and to make sure they know that they are not in control & run the house. Nothing can be more overwhelming than for a 4yr old to have all the power. Love & discipline.

Good luck. Boys at this age are a handful & then some. You are not alone & just take a step back, breath, and pick your battles.

[borntobeme]

Try getting him into some sort of sport, or play group...
Find a reward system, and offer him choices. There are some good books out there.

123 Magic or Parenting with love and logic.

What ever you do you have to stick with it...

It will get easier.

[zesty waters]

One of the most diffiuclt thing to do as a parent is to be consistent with your parenting. Children are naturally selfish and want what they want. They will go to extremes to get their way. Laying down rules and having him adhere to those rules is the very best thing you can do for him. In the long run-we all need to teach our children self-control (discipline). Know that the rules and boundaries you give him will not harm him socially, emotionally, and physically. That are for his good. And yes, this is difficult to do-but you can do it.

[NVplumber]

Well said Zesty ....had to rep ya on that. It's really not a complicated concept about consistency. And boys in particular have to be shown where the line is and suffer the consequences when it's crossed. girls are more sneaky about things ( in my experience) and more subtle methods can be effective where they might not work as well on boys. Loss of priviledge and such seems to sink in better with girls whereas a boy may need a trip to the woodshed ,so to speak. But as you said, whatever your methods , they have to be enforced with no compromise. As a parent democracy is not an option. You are the ruler of the realm and that has to be very plain lest the kingdom fall into chaos.

[nuala]

To me it seems though that the OP's son is more head-strong than other boys (or more than she could express). Mine could be stubborn, but never I feel that I'm losing with him. Some tricks, some yelling, some looks - but he will subside.

OP - could you tell more of how you react to his objectionable behavior? How do you try to make him listen?