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Give him a DISTINCT time frame that u are willing to help (Like a month) and after that you have to REALLY be strict and tell him upfront I WILL NOT HELP PAST THAT POINT!!!!! (My parents have done that for me and it usually is PLENTY of motivation for me to get my butt into gear and get on the right track)........
You really have to sit down with him (on the phone obviously) and have a serious conversation about the situations he puts himself into (free cat and unemployed roommate) ....... make him see he needs to put himself FIRST above everyone else SOMETIMES otherwise he will FLOUNDER.
Lucky for me my parents have helped me a few times, but for the most part I am really independent now because they cut me off on a few occasions which woke me up. They still help me out sometimes if I'm in DIRE need, but when I do something stupid (like say I took in a free cat ) they would NOT help. As far as the apartment thing, tell him you'll help him with one months rent but after that HE needs to be back on track. And REALLY make sure you put an emphasis on the fact that you will only help for ONE month. You have to make him see you are DEAD serious.
I have a 19 year old with a baby. I might as well put my money in a bucket so she can grab a handful every time she walks in the door. I don't have the heart to say no because of the baby...but it is truly annoying when they seem to have money to party or buy clothes with or go out to eat....but can't pay their essential bills. I guess each parent has to wrestle with some form of this from time to time. Maybe it just comes with the territory.
I have a 19 year old with a baby. I might as well put my money in a bucket so she can grab a handful every time she walks in the door. I don't have the heart to say no because of the baby...but it is truly annoying when they seem to have money to party or buy clothes with or go out to eat....but can't pay their essential bills. I guess each parent has to wrestle with some form of this from time to time. Maybe it just comes with the territory.
Glory, my brother was the moocher on this subject. I babied him forever. Once he and his wife got pregnant the actually came by for some $$ to buy baby stuff. I found out later they didn't have $$ because they had purchased season passes to SeaWorld. That was the end of that.
The next time I came over, I came with baby supplies and no cash. They were expecting $$ and I told them I spent it all at SeaWorld. So they learned that my pocketbook was closed for cash, but I would help out on diapers and necessities.
Now that I'm a grandma I see myself doing the same thing. No hard cash but I will take supplies.
My 22 yr. old son is employed full time. Not great pay. He lives in another state. He is not the most level headed when it comes to $$. He leased a modest apt. with a roomate, but of course, now, the roomate has moved out and left him with the total $$ responsibility. He is now asking for my help ($$). I have gladly helped him out in the past, however I am getting concerned. He has once again asked for my help, however in the same note, tells me that his "manager just gave him a kitten for FREE" (not neutered either, by the way) Yes, my son IS this naive...he has always cared too much about his friends and others over watching out for himself. I think he is letting another friend stay in the apt. with him. This friend is not employed nor contributing so in my opinion is just a leech. My son is the type that would rather sacrifice to keep his friends around, rather than do what is the responsible thing. (Which would be trying to find an EMPLOYED roomate to help with $$)
I feel like I am in a catch-22 here. If I want to help my son by sending $$, then I am also helping him support a non-paying friend? What would you guys suggest?
I get the sense that you believe that your son needs to split the rent with someone in order to afford it himself. If this is true, you should help your son face facts. A squatter in his apartment can eat his food, and steal his stuff, as well as make it harder for him to find a paying roommate. Your son should realize that he can help someone else only when he can first take care of himself.
The most I might help and that would depend on how much money I had laying around is one month. That gives him time to find another roommate or make other arrangements.
I've got to be one of the biggest enablers around, my husband is even worse, so I should be the last one to be offering advice on this topic.
We became the personal MAC machine, and have gone without things we wanted to help out, because there are children involved, it just doesn't include $$$ either. If you don't put your foot down now, you'll end up like me.
successful child to adult programs - US army 2nd to none.
Not a bad idea at all if he has not learned the basics by this time.
No, it's not too late to try to help him with budgeting and such but it's a really late start. You can give him money but it won't solve the problem and he'll be back over and over again. Sounds like he lacks confidence and is needy (a doormat for his 'friends') and perhaps a bit lazy if he isn't out working 2-3 jobs and selling stuff to cover his own tail instead of asking you for money. It sounds like he still has a lot of growing up to do.
I read these posts & cringe. I never ever asked my parents for a dime as an adult. They're proud of that because they "brag" about it from time to time. And I feel good about myself for it.
Hang in there. It's tough to say no to someone you love but we often hurt them more if we don't, even if we are well-meaning. If he doesn't learn now he risks being in a continuous state of scarcity and need, which is not a great way to experience life.
This is a great reminder for parents that it's important to start teaching kids about money at an early age. If our kids don't learn to manage money, money will manage them.
It's unfortunate that there's nothing like this for adults but the principles used are lifelong practices.
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) they would NOT help. As far as the apartment thing, tell him you'll help him with one months rent but after that HE needs to be back on track. And REALLY make sure you put an emphasis on the fact that you will only help for ONE month. You have to make him see you are DEAD serious.
