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Old 09-24-2008, 08:22 PM
 
337 posts, read 1,263,256 times
Reputation: 252

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My 22 yr. old son is employed full time. Not great pay. He lives in another state. He is not the most level headed when it comes to $$. He leased a modest apt. with a roomate, but of course, now, the roomate has moved out and left him with the total $$ responsibility. He is now asking for my help ($$). I have gladly helped him out in the past, however I am getting concerned. He has once again asked for my help, however in the same note, tells me that his "manager just gave him a kitten for FREE" (not neutered either, by the way) Yes, my son IS this naive...he has always cared too much about his friends and others over watching out for himself. I think he is letting another friend stay in the apt. with him. This friend is not employed nor contributing so in my opinion is just a leech. My son is the type that would rather sacrifice to keep his friends around, rather than do what is the responsible thing. (Which would be trying to find an EMPLOYED roomate to help with $$)

I feel like I am in a catch-22 here. If I want to help my son by sending $$, then I am also helping him support a non-paying friend? What would you guys suggest?
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Old 09-24-2008, 08:24 PM
 
Location: Montrose, CA
3,031 posts, read 7,862,833 times
Reputation: 1925
Sometimes you just have to say no. It's hard and it's painful, but for his own good and yours, he has to learn how to budget.
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Old 09-24-2008, 08:37 PM
 
Location: Sunny Florida
7,136 posts, read 10,665,956 times
Reputation: 9448
I have to agree, I'd just say no, but it'll be hard. He has to learn now or you'll be bailing him out forever - BTW, my neighbors' daughter is 51 years old and they're still bailing her out. Best wishes!
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Old 09-24-2008, 08:49 PM
 
Location: Iowa
134 posts, read 524,927 times
Reputation: 83
if you dont start saying no to helping your son are going to regret it . my mother and father inlaw counted on her mom money just to get by in tell her mom past away by the way my mother inlaw took advantage over her mom she was blamed by her siblings for her mom go on bankruptcy my mother inlaw was in her 40s when her mom past away .its very hard not to help your son but you need to do it to teach him respondabilty . i hope wont i dont defend you
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Old 09-24-2008, 08:52 PM
 
Location: Iowa
134 posts, read 524,927 times
Reputation: 83
im sorry iment offend you
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Old 09-24-2008, 09:05 PM
 
3,191 posts, read 8,034,551 times
Reputation: 2174
Hard as it will be to do, you might need to see if he can sink or swim on this on.........
if it was health issue/dr.bill, that I would help on.
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Old 09-24-2008, 10:53 PM
 
392 posts, read 1,681,413 times
Reputation: 278
Another vote on saying "no."
Trust me I have a 32 year old step daughter that is still mooching. She chooses to have children she can't afford, not to work and then hit the grandparents up for help for the "kids" sake. Stop the cycle now. He will never learn to resolve his financial issues if you don't make him stand on his own.
Now, can someone help me teach my husband this lesson??
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Old 09-25-2008, 06:12 AM
 
Location: Dallas TX
14,294 posts, read 20,539,012 times
Reputation: 20159
As a daughter whose parents have bailed her out more times than she can count, I say no. I know if anything happens, my parents will be there to help. I was reckless with money, and it took me a long time to learn to be dependent on myself.
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Old 09-25-2008, 06:22 AM
 
342 posts, read 1,582,537 times
Reputation: 351
Another vote for no.

If you keep helping out financially, you're just enabling your son's poor money skills and lack of budgeting. Save for true emergencies (e.g. medical, etc), you're better off letting your son sink or swim. Sounds like your son also needs to learn to distinguish between being caring & sympathetic and being a pushover & a doormat. He might just learn who his true friends are.
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Old 09-25-2008, 06:54 AM
 
Location: Orlando
8,181 posts, read 16,153,579 times
Reputation: 49730
The hardest thing I ever had to do was let my son crash and burn.
He learned the hard way the difference between "want" and "need".

We had a few missed holidays and one repossessed car but he learned, and is now doing quite well at 25yrs old.

We feel for you, but stick to it.
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