College Tuition and the Disrespectful Child (teens, parents, daughter, 17 year old)

[WinterinAmerica]

I've recently gotten in an argument with a friend. Their 17 year old daughter is absolutely and totally disrespectful, and discourteous to them. I argued, rather vehemently, that they were under no obligation to pay for college of anything else for that matter once that child reached the age of 18, unless their daughter learned to change their behavior and attitude towards their parents, they were appalled that I would suggest such a thing.

Any thoughts?

[Sundance]

I agree with you, but this is your friend's child and your friend's situation. You can give your opinion, but your friend has a perfect right to do what they think best.
If your friend is going to go ahead and pay for their college, I wouldn't get too upset about it - people do what they want to do.

But I don't think a parent "owes" a child a college education.

[TouchOfWhimsy]

Originally Posted by Sundance

I agree with you, but this is your friend's child and your friend's situation. You can give your opinion, but your friend has a perfect right to do what they think best.
If your friend is going to go ahead and pay for their college, I wouldn't get too upset about it - people do what they want to do.

But I don't think a parent "owes" a child a college education.

I agree with this totally.

[findinghope]

i think it's really none of your business. if they have the mis fortune of having a child that they raised to be so disrespectful, then they must deal with that. should they pay for college? well, better pay for college/tech school--something now, than have to bail her out the rest of her life when she cant find a good job to sustain her.

[FarNorthDallas]

Has the daughter always acted like that? Sometimes teens can be totally obnoxious. I was pretty hateful at that age and I just wanted to get the heck out of there and go away to college. Time spent in college can calm a person down or can highlight more serious maturity issues. I would go ahead and send her off it that was the plan. After a semester or two, it will become more obvious if the effort is worth it. My overall attitude changed for the better from being in college. I was just sick and tired of living in that house with those people (that was my thinking back then).

[WinterinAmerica]

Originally Posted by findinghope

i think it's really none of your business.

My opinion was sought and given. One parent feels this way the other doesn't.

By the way, they participated in a prepaid college tuition program so the basic tuition is paid for.

[sskkc]

My kids will only get a "full ride" if their grades and attitude warrant it. I will only pay for the minimum courses for a degree - any "slacker" courses are on their dime, period.

My friends with older kids often seek my perspective as a mom who hasn't been "tainted" by the teen years yet. Sometimes they just want validation, but they wouldn't really respect me if I told them what they want to hear... it's just not what a good friend does.

[SXMGirl]

I agree with you; however, unless you were asked, it really is none of your concern. We have a generation of children, most of whom will never live the lifestyle of their parents. They have not had to work for anything. Good parenting requires that children have some responsibility. If their daughter has been given everything up until now, the next thing expected is the college educaiton and a new car. Just wait until reality sets in for both parents and child.

[glastron_79]

Originally Posted by WinterinAmerica

I've recently gotten in an argument with a friend. Their 17 year old daughter is absolutely and totally disrespectful, and discourteous to them. I argued, rather vehemently, that they were under no obligation to pay for college of anything else for that matter once that child reached the age of 18, unless their daughter learned to change their behavior and attitude towards their parents, they were appalled that I would suggest such a thing.

Any thoughts?

Of course it's not an obligation for any parent to foot the bill for their child's college education. Many just want to do it because it will lessen the financial burden of the child in future years. Many parents don't see food, clothing and discipline as their only job in parenting.

Seems like your friends are able to look past their daughter's current attitude problem and are focusing on her future instead. More than likely, their prepaid plan has a refund option so the parents can easily turn around and NOT grant her the college money if their feelings change down the road.

[cdc3217]

Different families view college education differently. Some believe that getting a college education is a absolute requirement in their achieving adulthood and independance. It is a given. Its not necessarily about what degree they will get (althought sometimes that's predetermined as well) but about being on this academic path.

Obviously many other families believe there are many paths to success and independance, of which a college education is one. Its seen as an investment that is not taken lightly, and the student has to be prepared to take it seriously.

My point being, people often feel very strongly at a very deep level about this. They're generally raised with one of these attitudes, and like religion it doesn't swerve easily. So your frind might have sought your advice, but chances are he/she won't change their mind because of it.