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Husband given custody of 13 year old daughter, troubled child involved with gangs, can custody be revoked and child sent back, troubled daughter tearing apart family
I have a 15 year old that I truly wanted to find some place to put last year this time. I don't know what happened to her. I sent her to her Grandma's for 2 weeks (my mom's) and when she came home she was much better. I really don't know why, and she still has "spells" where I would like to strangle her. But. She seems to be growing out of it some. God I hope so, it couldn't have been much worse. I really do feel for you ISSUES. I hope you can work it out. Therapy didn't work for us and we ALL went, yes. Good Luck.
We're judging too harshly because she wants the kid thrown out again? If she doesn't want the kid, she can divorce the kid's father. What she feels is of absolutely no consequence.
We aren't saying it's not hard for her to deal with that child, but she needs to act like more of an adult and take on the responsibility.
Because however this is paining her, I can assure you that the little girl is in a far worse emotional place and should be handled delicately yet firmly.
I figure showing a lot of love wouldn't hurt, since she's probably feeling very alone.
It's too bad most families are split nowadays.
Whatever happened to marriage being sacred???
My parents are still married after 45 years as well as my husband's parents.
All my siblings and me are still married as well.
It takes commitment and communication....
You ask me the worlds children are paying the price for the adults lack of maturity in handling an adult relationship.
Well, I HAVE BEEN/AM IN HER shoes right now. It isn't a fun place to be. Really, you can't comprehend how she feels unless you've been there. You just can't. Its easy to say what you would do when your NOT in that situation but when your there, it ISN'T that easy. There are no cut and dry answers. Psych doctors aren't always the answer either. Everyone is always quick to throw that one around at a person in this situation. It DOESN'T always work!!! Everyone is always quick to place blame. Does it matter what the blame is? There is a problem and it needs to be fixed.........bottom line.
Hi, Basically my issue is that my husbands was given custody of his 13 yr old daughter last yr. Her mother who is now 29 has 4 other kids with a different man. My step daughter got to the point her mother couldn't control her but because she still acted like a teenager her self maybe cause she had her at 16 and then kids every 2 yrs after that until she finally stopped. The would scream at each other and the girl was constantly absent from school. Now this child lived in a different state than us we moved away from there 4 yrs and the mom deceide she wasn't going to keep contact with us so my husband for 2yrs after we moved was looking for her finally found her through myspace. then we found out all this stuff was happening and the daughter exaggerated to him and he believed all her lies. he fought for custody and got it and regretted it. we found out later the daughter lied about a lot of things and basically was a liar, a thief and thought she was a grown person. We took her to see a psychologist who stated her problem is she think she is an adult and doesn't know how to be her age. Well I have a 15 yr old whom my husband has raised since he was 4yrs old, together we have a 7yr old and a 4mnth old. My 7 yrold is very impressionable, classified as gifted in school. My 15 (boy) does not get along with her too good but tries to advise her on her attitude and decisions but she looks at him like you think you know it all. My question what do we do? We tried counseling, even the school counselor is now involved cause she has gotten her self involved with gangs. We've punished her taken cell, tv, games, everything away. What else can we do. Me I want to send her back to her mother, she created this monster cause she wouldn't let us see her until 2004 when we finally got visitation, then she disappeared on us and now were stuck with her. HELP.
first: calm down, be calm with her no matter what. she sounds like the dog that gets a kick everyday instead of a pat on the head, pretty soon that is what you expect and think you deserve so you bark and bite till you get it and it feels "normal" Second. touch her, hug her hold her hand. It will take a long time. Sit quietly and invite her to sit with you, she has never had a parent, not a real one that sticks around, do that and in the future when you are in your grave you are the one she will pray to God thanking him for your life. Take heart, this is in your lap for a reason.
You don't want this child messing with your children? She's one of your husband's children, as much as "your children" are.
You want to give her back??
Don't you think that this child knows exactly your feelings toward her? How can she feel she belongs to either family when neither wants her??? She's not contaminated. Geez, she's a child.
Kids tend to harden themselves to protect themselves from pain. The more she is convinced you don't want her, the harder she will become. When she is very angry, she doesn't have to face so much pain, she can just be mad and pretend the pain isn't there.
Like it or not, she's part of your family. Love her consistently and be fair. Don't keep talking about getting rid of her, because she will only act worse. Nothing hurts a child more than knowing no one wants her.
She has disrupted your household, but she can also enrich it if you stop being so negative toward her.
I'm going to have to agree here. I think maybe that you need to reach deep within yourself and examine the resentment you have against this child. If you treat her as if she was your own own flesh and blood, if you unconditionally practice love, yet maintain a household that provides some rigorous standards and boundaries, she'll begin to feel more and more secure and less and less like an unwanted, outcast child.
She's thirteen and filled with despair which has turned into hatred and unfavorable behavior. Time for a fresh new start for ALL of you -- you, husband, and all the children in your care.
. Now this child lived in a different state than us we moved away from there 4 yrs and the mom deceide she wasn't going to keep contact with us so my husband for 2yrs after we moved was looking for her finally found her through myspace.
Was he not paying child support? He would have her address if he wrote a check to her each month.
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then we found out all this stuff was happening and the daughter exaggerated to him and he believed all her lies. he fought for custody and got it and regretted it.
This is his CHILD. You should accept that. Regretted custody? SERIOUSLY?
If she is a liar- then that is because she is a product of her parents, just like your kids will be. She is a KID. Yes, some kids lie more than others, she is this way for a reason and perhaps you should care enough to get to the bottom of why she is a pathological liar - usually stems from parental issues - including dear old absent dad- in this case and crazy old mom.
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we found out later the daughter lied about a lot of things and basically was a liar, a thief and thought she was a grown person.
That is from absent parenting which your husband is just as guilty as the wicked mother is. YOur defense is she wouldn't let you see her? Yeah ok and the courts had absolutely no way to make her? Or is it because there is no child support trading hands? This child has obviously been allowed to run loose most of her life, you have only been out of state for 4 years, where were you in her life before that??
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We took her to see a psychologist who stated her problem is she think she is an adult and doesn't know how to be her age. Well I have a 15 yr old whom my husband has raised since he was 4yrs old, together we have a 7yr old and a 4mnth old. My 7 yrold is very impressionable, classified as gifted in school. My 15 (boy) does not get along with her too good but tries to advise her on her attitude and decisions but she looks at him like you think you know it all. My question what do we do? We tried counseling, even the school counselor is now involved cause she has gotten her self involved with gangs. We've punished her taken cell, tv, games, everything away. What else can we do. Me I want to send her back to her mother, she created this monster cause she wouldn't let us see her until 2004 when we finally got visitation, then she disappeared on us and now were stuck with her. HELP
Good thing sending her to a shrink but she shoud be in therapy with other kids so they can support and uplift each other.
Calling a kid a monster no matter how crazy, wicked or demoralized she may be is a very unmotherly thing to do. Please tell me you arent saying that to her face.
I don't doubt this girl has huge issues but you are not helping my stigmatizing her and apparently taking sides between the children *my son doesnt like her nonsense* *my child is gifted and simpressionable*... I would get the bad vibes from here. This child is STILL a child and secondly she needs you people, She needs her father to take control of this situation. He created her, it is HIS PROBLEM and if you live with him then she is YOUR problem too. Why on earth would you want to return her to that wicked mother who damaged this girl beyond belief? You are a mother, why would you wish that on her?
Be the adult, lay down the law. She is in gangs? Where are you when this happens? Do you have rules and regulations in the house with consequences? There are boot camps for troubled kids... Do what you need to. She has run loose long enough and she needs someone to give a darn about where she is and what she is doing, although she would never admit it, because she is a child regardless of what she or her shrink thing.
I think you did a tremendous thing by taking custody of her, but really that was the only right thing for the father to do. Whether it was his fault or not, he was out of this childs life for many years you say and now it is time to STEP UP and do the right thing for this girl. Before it is too late.
You guys might end up ruining her more than the mother did. Take some responsibility for your actions. How dare you say you are worried she will ruin your children. Selfish, selfish, behavior. You don't think the girl already knows what you are thinking about her? Who cares if the parents dated, were in love, or slept together one night. What does that have to do with the way you are treating this girl?
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Originally Posted by issues
Her mother and father were teenagers when they had her and never had a real relationship. She till this day still hold a torch for him his own daughter says it. I have spoken to her on positive things and just because am venting here doesn't mean I treat her like I don't want her. We bond at times but more than others I just stay away cause everytime I try to be her advocate or try and be the mediator she makes me feel like sh*%$ cause she lies to me and then it comes out and I look bad and feel betrayed. I try to do right by her but she just want to be the adult in my home and that is were it gets ugly with me, her and her father. He talks to her he tries to have their one on one time and they start talking and it starts off good and end up bad she lies so much she can't keep track of them and then gets caught constantly.
But if she is seeing a therapist or someone i would reccomend making it a family therapist and you and your husband should be attending these meetings as well..
FAMILY THERAPY! She needs to work out these issues with her dad to get her to a place that is healthy and good. Her moms lies to her probably stuck in her head. She is a child who has HUGE family issues (that includes YOU). Where you Ever unwanted as a child? If not, then try to be understanding instead of pissy and demanding with her about this situation.
Last edited by Taboo2; 10-09-2008 at 04:21 PM..
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You can do this
