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My 4y.o. is overbearing...and that's an understatement! She is our first/oldest child. She has a younger brother who is 2. She is very controlling, very bossy. She is INTENSE about everything...almost as though she can't relax. I don't worry about attention deficit...she doesn't display those kinds of things. She is just very loud, boisterous, controlling, overbearing and intense! I love her free spirit and that she's not ashamed to be any of these things. But life does not work this way where we can all act out on everything we feel so I need some techniques to get her to relax and to be ok with not being in control of everything.
Anyone have similar experiences and care to share some thoughts/advice? Thanks!
My 4y.o. is overbearing...and that's an understatement! She is our first/oldest child. She has a younger brother who is 2. She is very controlling, very bossy. She is INTENSE about everything...almost as though she can't relax. I don't worry about attention deficit...she doesn't display those kinds of things. She is just very loud, boisterous, controlling, overbearing and intense! I love her free spirit and that she's not ashamed to be any of these things. But life does not work this way where we can all act out on everything we feel so I need some techniques to get her to relax and to be ok with not being in control of everything.
Anyone have similar experiences and care to share some thoughts/advice?
Thanks!
Those are learned behaviors, who is she modeling? When she yells, ask her why she is yelling. She may not be aware of her loud tone. What have you done thus far to curtail her?
Is she in any kind of preschool or day care? I ask because she will find out REAL soon (kindergarten) that these types of behaviors are not acceptable.
Remember that each child is different and this may be her 'terrible two's' a little later than most or it could be she is trying to get the attention she feels her younger sibling took from her.
sounds like a typical type A personality---and she will probably be a lawyer when she grows up.
she just needs to be told consistantly (read constantly) that she needs to:
1. stop shouting
2. stop trying to control what others do
3. BE NICE!
plus she is a girl, so that just adds to the emotional and bossy attitude
Those are learned behaviors, who is she modeling? When she yells, ask her why she is yelling. She may not be aware of her loud tone. What have you done thus far to curtail her?
Yes, she IS modeling my behavior in terms of her loud tone. I come from a very loud family. We are loud as a group and when we are excited. However, I'm not loud under normal circumstances in the home. It's like she can't quite tell the difference for when she should use her quiet voice....even though I explain the quiet voice to her.
To curtail her we use different methods depending on what she has done. If she's just being overly loud, we tell her that we use a quiet voice in the house (she still doesn't get it though). When she's not sharing (takes toys from her brother) she heads right to time out. However, I don't consider being overbearing something that's punishable as this is just part of her personality. In this case I try to explain the consequences of being overbearing and bossy (people won't have fun playing with you if they feel bossed by you) and she listens, but it doesn't quite sink in yet. Perhaps she's not mature enough yet to understand those consequences yet.
Is she in any kind of preschool or day care? I ask because she will find out REAL soon (kindergarten) that these types of behaviors are not acceptable.
Remember that each child is different and this may be her 'terrible two's' a little later than most or it could be she is trying to get the attention she feels her younger sibling took from her.
Oh, she is in preschool and does very well. Teachers say she listens well and often answers questions before anyone else. They also tell me she's bossy. I think she's so busy at preschool that her behaviors that I know don't stick out as much at home. When at home, she demands my attention (or her brother's or her dad's) all the time. She interrups my husband and I when we try to talk to one another. To this behavior we finish talking and then place her in time out for interrupting. She has not learned to play by herself for any extended amount of time. Even her brother at 2 can play well by himself.
sounds like a typical type A personality---and she will probably be a lawyer when she grows up.
she just needs to be told consistantly (read constantly) that she needs to:
1. stop shouting
2. stop trying to control what others do
3. BE NICE!
plus she is a girl, so that just adds to the emotional and bossy attitude
So funny, I call her my "future dictator". You're right, she is Type A, which is funny because neither me nor my husband are Type A.
I agree with your list...and as a matter of fact, I'm thinking I should post these things in our house. We have a calendar to explain the days and what we do each day, but it would also make sense to have a board that explains unacceptable behavior (to sound like Supernanny, ha ha)!
Try this: pair her loud voice with a very quiet one from you. Every time. It is instinctive for us to match tone and volume, but if you pair loud with quiet a lot of times the child will come back with a quieter volume. This is HARD to do, I almost always forget. But when I have a day where I remember, it works.
Does she try to parent her sibling? We constantly remind our oldest that his brother has 2 parents, and doesn't need a 3rd parent. I try not to nag but I do stop him when he corrects his brother. This is a constant battle.
As for the playing by herself, you can try to set a timer - play with _____till the timer rings then I will play a game with you.
Location: In my own little corner... sittin' in Jax FL
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I don't know how you can "break the spirit" of a 4 year old by using normal behavior modification tactics. I see children in my twins' 3rd grade class that are like this still.
Be firm.
Be consistent.
(repeat)
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