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I would do it personally. It will pay off in spades when you see this kid excel in your home. Think of his potential and then think of where he is headed with the current situation he is in. You can make such a difference in his little life. You can give him a new life experience and a second chance.
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Originally Posted by crash330
I've never posted on this topic because I do not have children. However, a situation has presented itself to me and I'm totally lost as what to do. I have consulted my parents, family and attorney. I'd just like some outside, unbiased thoughts. I'd be appreciative of any responses.
Here's my situation (forgive me for any confusion):
I am 25, female and married for less than a year to my college sweetheart. We would like to have children in 3-5 years but are enjoying our time together right now and paying off debt from our college fun.
Over this past weekend, while visiting my parents, I had a conversation with my mother's sister (my aunt) about her grandson. He is 7 years old and lives in a rented home with his mother and her boyfriend. The grandson's mother (my 1st cousin) just signed away her parental rights to her daughter this summer. My aunt's other daughter (my other 1st cousin) adopted the child (the son and daughter of my cousin are half-siblings).
Now, here's where it gets tricky. My cousin, the mother of the 7 year-old in question, is living with a drug dealer. He is currently on house arrest with 2 strikes against him. A third will send him back to jail. My cousin is currently running his drugs for him to his customers because he cannot leave home. The child is stuck in the middle. He is the sweetest, most precious child. So loving and affectionate. He is having behavior problems in school due to his home life. I won't go into detail, but you can draw your own conclusions. The boyfriend beats the mother in front of the child and he is confined to his room so he won't see anything that he can tell about.
The police are onto the situation and the child may be removed from the home soon. I have been asked if I would consider taking the child. My husband and I are really the only ones in our family who are capable of taking on a child, financially and emotionally, at this time. The sister who took the other sibling is now pregnant with a child of her own and cannot take care of another child.
I have received lots of advice from my attorney and family, but I'm going to ask this question of you. What would you do? I love this little boy so much. He was the ring bearer in my wedding. He doesn't deserve this life that has been chosen for him. I think I've made up my mind, but I just wanted to ask this of you parents. Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated. Thanks for reading.
There is no question this child needs a better home, and while you may be qualified and willing, it still may not be the best thing for the child. I speak from experience, I have adopted 4 children whom are siblings and were in a very similar situation. I am the half sister of the mother and the state took the kids from her and after a long battle we gained relative placement of the children. It took 5 years to finally officially adopt the kids.
What kind of relationship do you have with the mother? Even if you adopt the child and her rights are terminated, she is still a member of your extended family. This is what makes the whole situation much more complicated.
We fought to keep our kids in the family and not have them adopted out to foster homes, believing they deserved to be a part of our whole family. The catch is that the mother did not want to give up being the mom, and every day every person in our entire family suffers. Our extended family is divided as a result, those who believe her kids were taken from her unjustly and those who support our efforts to raise them. Every family event, every family conversation is a hugely painful experience and it has been this way for over 7 years. On top of all that add to it the fact that every child no matter how awful their home life is, has an undying love and desire to be with their "real" parents. I could go on and on with how difficult it is to raise my sisters kids and even though it is really tough, I believe we did the right thing, that God willed us to do this and that He gives us the strength to press on thru it.
Bottomline, adopting a relative child is VERY different from foster adopting. Are you really sure you are the best alternative home for this child?
Just wanted to give everyone follow up: DCF is investigating (again) and if the child is taken from the home, we are first in line to have temporary guardianship of him. His father has not paid child support in over six months and does not want to take him. Father would be willing to give up his rights as long as mother does as well. The tricky part is going to be convincing mom that this is the best thing for her child. She won't have much choice, temporarily, if she goes to jail (there is an open investigation to prove she's running drugs for BF). It's all kind of up in the air, but basically DCF has approved us to have temporary custody if the mother is found unfit or goes to jail. I'll keep you all posted. Thanks for all your advice.
Crash330: You and your husband are Saints, I believed that the boy will be your soon
and admired you 2 for giving the this boy a gift of life, cause i cannot see one if he stay with his biological mother.
I can hear and feel in your post that you have already taken this little boy into your heart. You are right, this probably has been a tough decision for you and I do hope that your husband is on board with it too. Understand that you will be taking in a wounded soul who will have a lot of emotional issues that are going to need to be addressed. I am sure you know that. Along with the emotional issues there will more than likely be some behavior problems both at home and in school. This child has had a horrific life so far and doesn't know what it is like to be in a normal environment. This is going to be a full time job for you and your husband and is also going to be something that isn't going to get better for this child unless if you take him you are willing to work really hard at saving this little soul.
I get so angry with people who have children then expect them to grow up through osmosis...well..he can reach the cupboards type of thing so let him feed himself or....he has only worn those same clothes for a week...they are still clean...God what is wrong with people. When I started to have children I sadly found out I could only have one of the six I wanted. All around me were people who were not taking care of their kids at all and I was infuriated at the unfairness of it all. As it turned out for me, I ended up alone raising my one child so God was watching out for both of us.
I can tell you are probably going to take this little guy in unless you already have done so and God Bless you with your decision. I know you will do the right thing.
This little man's story has me ready to let him move in with my family.... lol
Seriously... we don't always get to plan when junior or juniorette come into our lives. We can't pick our family, and we have no control over the speed bumps they throw into our plans. It takes a strong person to raise another wo/man's child. This may be the perfect time to make a difference in this boy's life. The Lork knew what he was doing when he chose you to be this little boy's second (?) cousin.
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Another perspective to consider....
