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Don't you see? Your bolded statement above is what I and some others are trying to get across to you and some others! Life ISN'T black and white! This whole dispute got started because of statements made about kicking out an 18 year old kid. SOME kids need to get kicked out, they are disrespectful, disorderly, abusive, manipulative little monsters. Some of us have shared that we will not TOLERATE such behavior. When you lay down the law, right off the bat, and do not waver from what you will and will not tolerate, as well as your expectations of your children, there IS no great surprise in store for your kids.
It''s the parents who are inconsistant with their boundaries, and parents who frankly, are in general, poor, poor examples of appropriate parents, who end up with kids who are constantly crossing those boundaries. Some kids are BORN rebels.....some turn into them later, for whatever reason. I and others still say that we feel extremely confident saying this to our children....."I have told you the way I feel, made it clear.....your entire life, what I will and will not tolerate, and I have always made clear the consequences you will have if you should decide not to respect those boundaries. It should, therefore, come as no surprise that you can not live at home if you continue to behave in this fashion."
Some posters here have said, "I would NEVER kick my child out of my home." Some posters here have said, "I definitely would kick my child out of my home." We LOVE our children, we HELP our children. We are THERE for our children. Some of us have our grown children living with us. They FOLLOW and RESPECT the rules of our homes. They are contributing adult members of our home. There simply are no alternatives. They are comfortable with us, are working toward setting up good foundations for their adult lives, while continuing to learn important life lessons from us....but they respect the owners and heads of the house. It's why they're still living with us.
What the biggest argument here is, is that we are being told that you are a crappy parent IF you kick your kid out! Well, you haven't personally had to deal with "monster" kids apparently. It's like you're telling the person who'd kick their child out if they stole everything of value from the home, while they were at work, a monster.....like you think the person whose child punched them in the face for telling them they can't stay out all night, a monster. It isn't all black and white!
Exactly.
I cannot believe there is such an uproar about making sure your children are respectful and act properly!! I realized early on that they outnumbered me, if I waivered, I was screwed. I ruled with an iron fist, but I loved like a puppy. What in the heck is wrong with kids having discipline and structure? My job was to make them responsible, productive members of society. Letting them lay around my house after the age of 18 with no job or going to school is just ridiculously irresponsible.
It is laughable that some of the responses have included never speaking to your mother again because she had the nerve to discipline you. It scares the heck out of me that the kids being raised today to always get a trophy and never have consequences are someday going to be in charge of the world.
And the world has been going to hell in a handbasket for a long time.
This tendency to think of ourselves as a nation in deep decline has been part of American culture from the earliest days. According to many conservatives, society has been degenerating for many centuries now. Some go so far as to assert the impending fall of Western Civilization. Fortunately for us, the last 400 years have actually been ones of great prosperity and progress. We can't convince the pessimists of the facts, but oh, well...
And the world has been going to hell in a handbasket for a long time.
This tendency to think of ourselves as a nation in deep decline has been part of American culture from the earliest days. According to many conservatives, society has been degenerating for many centuries now. Some go so far as to assert the impending fall of Western Civilization. Fortunately for us, the last 400 years have actually been ones of great prosperity and progress. We can't convince the pessimists of the facts, but oh, well...
I know a few people IRL like this. They seem to wallow in being the beacon of the darkening world.
There are so many other options. Cut the cable, cut the cell phone, take off the bedroom door, cut the $$ you are giving her, if any, etc etc. Don't take her out with the family if you go out to dinner, no perks. Don't let her use the car. There are so many priv's that you can cut. Dumping her on the doorstep is horrendous and horrible. Too many things can happen to a youngster out there.
I've been reading some of these and i just wanted to say that i'm an 18 year old girl and i got kicked out of my house 8 or 9 months ago. My mom found out i got back together with a boyfriend that she did not like but i did it behind her back because i knew she would not approve. She called me one night when i was out at a friends birthday party and told me that she knew i was out with my boyfriend and to not come home. She yelled at me on the phone for a few minutes stating about how much of a bad child i was and then told me to never talk to her again and dont ever come back home and hung up on me. I thought i would let her sleep it off but i knew she wasn't kidding, my mom is one of those ones who has to have everything her way and doesn't like to be wrong, so i knew that for it to be her way was to kick me out. The next day she sent me numerous facebook messages telling me that i am a huge **** and that i didnt care about my family and that i hope im happy choosing my boyfriend over them, but i didnt choose him over my family, she decided to throw me out of the house. On top of all this, i had no where to live and i got charged a few days before that with theft under 5000, not because i stole but because i was with a friend and i didnt know they stole, so they charged me too because i was apparently an "accomplice". When my mom found out she was okay with it but decided to be rude to the cops and not give any info so the cop then decided to charge me because of my mom (my lawyer told me this afterwards at court.) and she even told my friend that "she would always be there for me no matter what". After all of this i was kicked out a few days after me getting charged. My mom never showed up for court with me she told me to figure everything out on my own, so luckily one of our neighbors who ive known for 13 years took me to court and the charges were dismissed because i had nothing to do with it. She even told the cops that if i ever tried to contact my family then she would charge me with harassment. Before we cut contact she told me she hopes i get pregnant at 18 like she did with me, and that she was going to cancel my college stuff and that im a ****. While i lived at home i worked with my stepdad, he was general manager of a store and i was an employee, he came up to me and said he would treat me like everyone else and family stuff wasnt to come into work but that was a lie because all he did was bring personal things into the workplace. My mom would come into the store all the time and harass me and yell at me in front of customers and i would eventually get stressed out and leave because i was crying. After all of that my mom still felt the need to go around and tell everyone at my work that my boyfriend was abusive because i came into work with a cut on my lip. This is what i had to deal with after i got kicked out. When i wanted to pick up my clothes and stuff from the house (which she had to pack, i wasnt allowed to go into the place) she told me before hand that i had to delete every picture of my sister off facebook and that i could not come to the house with any of my bfs family or friends (which was hard cause his friends were my friends who drove) but i got my friend to pick me up because my mother told me that i had to be there within hte half hour to get my stuff or she was taking it to goodwill right then and there. I lived 10-15 minutes away from where my mom lived and i had to call and ask ppl for rides and stuff and make it there within the half hour. she then threw all my stuff on the front porch in garbage bags and a laundry basket. I didnt even get half of my stuff, she gave me what she wanted to. With all of this my boyfriend was great and was there to support me through everything and even him and his family let me live at their house for 4 months until me and the boyfriend broke up. I am now in college, got my drivers liscense and live with my best friend and her family and have been for the last 5 months. I miss my little sister more than anything but i have also gained so much from my mom kicking me out. I have been in contact with my real dad that i haven't seen in 14 years because she didn't want me to contact him. Even though i'm not with my ex anymore i dont regret any decision i ever made with him but i do have a lot of trust issues now. I loved him and maybe i made the wrong choice but im living with it every day of my life now. Life goes on and im trying to make the best of it now.
Lock the door at 11pm and let him know it will not be opened until 7am.
Demand respect by your actions.
LOL, he don't live w/ me. That aint gonna happen, but I'm about to end the rides b/c he gets in my car and ****s w/ my radio. Or he constantly puts a song on a CD on repeat, after TWO MINUTES. Want's to blast it at 11PM claiming that he's deaf in one ear. He has excuses for every suggestion and every damn thing you tell him.
Oh, but unfortunately I think the law is on the parents side. Legally they're not responsible after 18, but that doesn't make it right.
I had a friend in high school, her father died and mother remarried. the stepfather didn't want kids, he made it quite clear she was on her own at age 18, and she was. She continued to live there only if she paid rent, she even had her own small refrigerator and bought her own food. She lived with us one summer while looking for a job, my Dad never thought to charge her rent, her step dad even made her pay gas if he drove her to job interviews, etc.
On the other hand, my Dad drove her to interviews, bought her lunch, waited for her in questionable areas instead of dropping her off and expecting her to take the bus home, like her stepdad. You'd think she was his daughter, not the evil step dad. Just a difference in people!
the stepdad was just a douche, if he didn't want kids, why would he marry somebody w/ one?
I've been reading some of these and i just wanted to say that i'm an 18 year old girl and i got kicked out of my house 8 or 9 months ago. My mom found out i got back together with a boyfriend that she did not like but i did it behind her back because i knew she would not approve. She called me one night when i was out at a friends birthday party and told me that she knew i was out with my boyfriend and to not come home. She yelled at me on the phone for a few minutes stating about how much of a bad child i was and then told me to never talk to her again and dont ever come back home and hung up on me. I thought i would let her sleep it off but i knew she wasn't kidding, my mom is one of those ones who has to have everything her way and doesn't like to be wrong, so i knew that for it to be her way was to kick me out. The next day she sent me numerous facebook messages telling me that i am a huge **** and that i didnt care about my family and that i hope im happy choosing my boyfriend over them, but i didnt choose him over my family, she decided to throw me out of the house. On top of all this, i had no where to live and i got charged a few days before that with theft under 5000, not because i stole but because i was with a friend and i didnt know they stole, so they charged me too because i was apparently an "accomplice". When my mom found out she was okay with it but decided to be rude to the cops and not give any info so the cop then decided to charge me because of my mom (my lawyer told me this afterwards at court.) and she even told my friend that "she would always be there for me no matter what". After all of this i was kicked out a few days after me getting charged. My mom never showed up for court with me she told me to figure everything out on my own, so luckily one of our neighbors who ive known for 13 years took me to court and the charges were dismissed because i had nothing to do with it. She even told the cops that if i ever tried to contact my family then she would charge me with harassment. Before we cut contact she told me she hopes i get pregnant at 18 like she did with me, and that she was going to cancel my college stuff and that im a ****. While i lived at home i worked with my stepdad, he was general manager of a store and i was an employee, he came up to me and said he would treat me like everyone else and family stuff wasnt to come into work but that was a lie because all he did was bring personal things into the workplace. My mom would come into the store all the time and harass me and yell at me in front of customers and i would eventually get stressed out and leave because i was crying. After all of that my mom still felt the need to go around and tell everyone at my work that my boyfriend was abusive because i came into work with a cut on my lip. This is what i had to deal with after i got kicked out. When i wanted to pick up my clothes and stuff from the house (which she had to pack, i wasnt allowed to go into the place) she told me before hand that i had to delete every picture of my sister off facebook and that i could not come to the house with any of my bfs family or friends (which was hard cause his friends were my friends who drove) but i got my friend to pick me up because my mother told me that i had to be there within hte half hour to get my stuff or she was taking it to goodwill right then and there. I lived 10-15 minutes away from where my mom lived and i had to call and ask ppl for rides and stuff and make it there within the half hour. she then threw all my stuff on the front porch in garbage bags and a laundry basket. I didnt even get half of my stuff, she gave me what she wanted to. With all of this my boyfriend was great and was there to support me through everything and even him and his family let me live at their house for 4 months until me and the boyfriend broke up. I am now in college, got my drivers liscense and live with my best friend and her family and have been for the last 5 months. I miss my little sister more than anything but i have also gained so much from my mom kicking me out. I have been in contact with my real dad that i haven't seen in 14 years because she didn't want me to contact him. Even though i'm not with my ex anymore i dont regret any decision i ever made with him but i do have a lot of trust issues now. I loved him and maybe i made the wrong choice but im living with it every day of my life now. Life goes on and im trying to make the best of it now.
I don't think I would have ever spoken to my mom again if I had gotten this type of treatment.
yeah i havent talked to her since, dont know if i can ever forgive her for what happened.
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