Creepy dad in the cul-de-sac (bullying, game, parents, wife)

[bande1102]

There is a little boy in my very small cul-de-sac who just doesn't get along with the other 5 or 6 boys in the neighborhood. He's 9 and often says things like, he's the best whatever and they better let him play/make up the rules/share their toys or he'll get his dad. The other boys do let him play and he eventually loses the game (like they all do) and calls one of the other kids a name, that kid will usually say something back --very typical kid stuff--and then this little boy runs home crying and gets his dad. His dad will come out and question the other boys and tell them to 1) they have to play with his kid and 2) tries to bully the other kids into doing what he wants which isn't based on fairness at all, but on benefiting his kid. Never once does he accept anything his kid might have done and he routinely calls the other kids liars. I know this b/c my house happens to border a little park that all the kids play at and I hear just about everything that goes on--especially b/c I work from home and my office is right next to the little park. Incidentally, why do boys pee outside all the time? Anyway.....

This dad has now resorted to just making random comments to the other kids in the neighborhood--like they'll be shooting hoops and he'll say things like, you need to include my son, you guys need to clean up around here--to the point of having the other kids clean up his son's mess while his son watches, etc.......He'll say these things in front of other parents or whenever. It just seems like he's really crossing the line....My children are older than his son and he used to try to get my 15 year old to take his kid to make friends and once I got a feel for how pushy this dad is I flat out told him to back off, if he has an issue with my kids he needs to deal with me or their father and he seemed to accept that.

BUT---the other day this guy's wife runs over a kid's ball that had rolled onto the driveway we all share. This guy's son goes to the park and the kid (whose ball was run over) says he doesn't want to play with him and they owe him a ball. Typical kid stuff. The other little boy runs home crying and dad comes. At this point, I go outside to the little park because I'm worried about what dad is going to say/do. The Dad sees me and leaves. In the little cul-de-sac, the dad is waiting for this other little boy and proceeds to calmly tell him he's a mean liar. It's really creepy how this dad operates. He keeps his voice really low and says things like, "I'm sure if you think about it, you'll realize that you left the ball in my driveway." THe little boy is out there saying no he didn't (he didn't b/c I saw the dad's kid playing with the ball) and then the dad says "sure you did. Now you know this is your fault and your responsibility and you're just taking it out on my son" At this point, the other little boy is outside my house literally crying and the dad is still going at it. I tell you it this guy is like some kind of emotional manipulator or something. It is really creepy. Anyway, I go out there, tell the dad to knock it off, get this little boy, walk him home and tell his mom what's going on. Honestly, I don't think she cares and she kinda brushed me off. But I do. I can't stand watching this dad bully. Especially because I hear the little boys talking about this dad and they are trying to think of ways to hide from him/avoid him and it makes me nuts b/c this guy is such a bully and, I think, emotionally abusive. What can I do? What should I do? Should I even be involved in this? What would you do? Incidentally, these kid arguments are just that--kid stuff. No hitting, no bullying, it's one of those things where I would've just let the boys work through it on their own.

[momtothree]

I would have gone to each of the parents and tell them what this sorry excuse for a man is doing and you ALL go to him and tell him he is not to speak to the kids again. If any one of you see him once again speaking to the kids, then you call the police.

He is a grown bully and needs to be told to back off.

If he has a problem with any of the kids, he is to approach the PARENT and not the kid.

[geekduo]

Originally Posted by momtothree

I would have gone to each of the parents and tell them what this sorry excuse for a man is doing and you ALL go to him and tell him he is not to speak to the kids again. If any one of you see him once again speaking to the kids, then you call the police.

He is a grown bully and needs to be told to back off.

If he has a problem with any of the kids, he is to approach the PARENT and not the kid.

I would agree to this approach. Gather forces and give him a warning, if not resolved involve the police, file for harrassment if necessary. If parents file a restraining order against him, he won't be able to talk to their children. Document these incidents.
If he's that manipulative and controlling to other people's kids, just imagine how he is to his own family. I suspect his wife and child may be afraid of him. They are the ones I really feel sorry for.

[RTTNFAM]

Originally Posted by geekduo

I would agree to this approach. Gather forces and give him a warning, if not resolved involve the police, file for harrassment if necessary. If parents file a restraining order against him, he won't be able to talk to their children. Document these incidents.
If he's that manipulative and controlling to other people's kids, just imagine how he is to his own family. I suspect his wife and child may be afraid of him. They are the ones I really feel sorry for.

OMG. I agree! This dad seems like one of those sick people who use soft tones and psychology to scare the crap out of kids and get them to do whatever he wants them to! The parents need to take action before this guy gets a psychological hold on those kids! And good for you bande1102 for sticking up for these kids, they need an advocate!

[carlitasway]

Originally Posted by momtothree

I would have gone to each of the parents and tell them what this sorry excuse for a man is doing and you ALL go to him and tell him he is not to speak to the kids again. If any one of you see him once again speaking to the kids, then you call the police.

He is a grown bully and needs to be told to back off.

If he has a problem with any of the kids, he is to approach the PARENT and not the kid.

I agree with this.

[EJRuek]

Originally Posted by momtothree

I would have gone to each of the parents and tell them what this sorry excuse for a man is doing and you ALL go to him and tell him he is not to speak to the kids again. If any one of you see him once again speaking to the kids, then you call the police.

He is a grown bully and needs to be told to back off.

If he has a problem with any of the kids, he is to approach the PARENT and not the kid.

agree

[crazyma]

Talk to the other moms...that man will rue the day he messes with your *cubs* if you can band togther and tell him NO MORE speaking to your chid(ren) unless another adult is present...unless he needs to holler and warn one of some emergency situation (like- hey look out for that car?!) Let him know the manner in which he is dealing with the other kids has you concerned and makes your children uncomfortable.

(And yes, I wonder about this wife...maybe she is scared of him, or could care less....might you try to befriend her? And glean more insight as to this man's behavior?)

Its one thing to watch out for each others kids and encourage playing fair and such, but he does sound creepy to me....
I'd nip it in the bud now IMO.

[crazyme4878]

I agree, too. The boys seem to understand that this guy is not right, but they are still boys and boys look up to men...they need to know that the adults in their life don't agree on this behavior either. On the positive side, they are seeing that bending the rules to their favor is not a nice thing to do...

[EEEPNJ]

Originally Posted by geekduo

I would agree to this approach. Gather forces and give him a warning, if not resolved involve the police, file for harrassment if necessary. If parents file a restraining order against him, he won't be able to talk to their children. Document these incidents.
If he's that manipulative and controlling to other people's kids, just imagine how he is to his own family. I suspect his wife and child may be afraid of him. They are the ones I really feel sorry for.

EXACTLY - go in a group - and if need be restraining order. I feel for his kid, not his wife, you are a grown up - you can leave.

[artsyguy]

sounds like my ex-roommate. He didn't make me cry but I sure was sick of him and creeped out.