Would like opinions on this situation. (support, parents, boys, activities)

[TouchOfWhimsy]

Let me preface this by saying that I'm a homeschooling mom who has never had to deal with teacher/administrative issues, and that I realize that I can be a little overprotective. Most of my friends are also homeschooling moms who have similar parenting philosophies. So I'm going to ask for opinions on a situation that is apart from anything I've ever dealt with, and that my kids have had to deal with at this point.

My son is 7 1/2 and attends a karate class for 7-10 year olds. A few weeks ago, they started talking up this campaign called "Bring a Buddy, Break a Board." The teachers told the kids that during the last week of October, they could bring a friend to class and be allowed to break a board and take it home with them.

We are new to the area, so my son does not have a lot of close friends yet. Many of the friends that he does have live a half hour or more away, because that is where our homeschool group is. He did has a few friends in the local area, and none were available to go during the class times. Finally he asked someone who lives 45 minutes away and they agreed to come. Fine.

Yesterday during class, one of the boys (not my son) raised his hand and said "what if you don't have a friend to bring?" The teacher said "well then you can't break a board!" The boy just said "oh."

It really bothered me, thinking that this little boy (and whoever else did not have a friend with them) would be left out of this board breaking. So I called the teacher last night, and expressed my concerns. She said "oh, the kids who don't bring a friend will be able to break a rebreakable (fake) board, just not a real one. No one will be left out." Then she assured me that the child in question goes to school and therefore has a friend to bring.

Okay, that makes a little bit more sense, and I'm glad that no one will be totally left out, but it makes me angry that they didn't say that to the kids. Now this little boy who perhaps does not have a friend at school thinks he'll be left out of board breaking. No one told him that he'd still be able to participate. For some kids who might be awkward or who don't have friends at school for whatever reason, karate class might be their social escape away from that reality. The class stresses being respectful of everyone, and encourages friendships between the kids.

Argh, I hate this! I know that this is a life lesson, but it seems to be a cruel one to "teach" to relatively small kids... if you don't have friends, then not only do you have to recognize that fact, but you get left out of something special and fun. If they'd TOLD the kids that they could still participate, that would be better, but they are purposely leading them to believe that they'll be excluded if they don't have a friend. It seems like a double insult.

I'm very upset about this, and it's not even my kid who does not have a friend to bring!

Am I overreacting? Is this something typical that these extracurricular type activities tend to promote? I'm not normally one of those parents who constantly worry about my kids' self esteem, but this seems over the top to me.

[EJRuek]

I disapprove of 7-10 year olds breaking boards. Their bones are still growing, and don't need this trauma. Breaking requires impeccable support and form of both hand and foot, which children this age, unless they live and breathe martial arts under a traditional tutelage, don't own. Even then, I would frown on breaking until at least thirteen.

I do think the instructor is using stigma as coercion to promote the school business...which is, in fact, the reason for this "bring a friend to class" gig...which is W-R-O-N-G.

That's all I'm going to say, because, otherwise, I'll wind up sounding like I'm having an apoplexy attack.

[amoore1708]

Well I'm not a parent... but I don't think you're overreacting at all & I completely agree with the feelings you've expressed. Especially if this boy in fact doesn't have friends at school, this is a great activity for him to interact, and yet now even there he'll be left out for a reason he very well may not have any control over. I'd just hate for him to now feel akward going to this activity and end up not pursuing further classes all over this situation.

[amoore1708]

I also agree with EJRuek that this is all promotional for the martial arts studio and not fair to leave a child out of an additional fun activity just because he's not supporting the cause of trying to get other children to join the program!

[2girlsand2boys]

Originally Posted by beanandpumpkin

Let me preface this by saying that I'm a homeschooling mom who has never had to deal with teacher/administrative issues, and that I realize that I can be a little overprotective. Most of my friends are also homeschooling moms who have similar parenting philosophies. So I'm going to ask for opinions on a situation that is apart from anything I've ever dealt with, and that my kids have had to deal with at this point.

My son is 7 1/2 and attends a karate class for 7-10 year olds. A few weeks ago, they started talking up this campaign called "Bring a Buddy, Break a Board." The teachers told the kids that during the last week of October, they could bring a friend to class and be allowed to break a board and take it home with them.

We are new to the area, so my son does not have a lot of close friends yet. Many of the friends that he does have live a half hour or more away, because that is where our homeschool group is. He did has a few friends in the local area, and none were available to go during the class times. Finally he asked someone who lives 45 minutes away and they agreed to come. Fine.

Yesterday during class, one of the boys (not my son) raised his hand and said "what if you don't have a friend to bring?" The teacher said "well then you can't break a board!" The boy just said "oh."

It really bothered me, thinking that this little boy (and whoever else did not have a friend with them) would be left out of this board breaking. So I called the teacher last night, and expressed my concerns. She said "oh, the kids who don't bring a friend will be able to break a rebreakable (fake) board, just not a real one. No one will be left out." Then she assured me that the child in question goes to school and therefore has a friend to bring.

Okay, that makes a little bit more sense, and I'm glad that no one will be totally left out, but it makes me angry that they didn't say that to the kids. Now this little boy who perhaps does not have a friend at school thinks he'll be left out of board breaking. No one told him that he'd still be able to participate. For some kids who might be awkward or who don't have friends at school for whatever reason, karate class might be their social escape away from that reality. The class stresses being respectful of everyone, and encourages friendships between the kids.

Argh, I hate this! I know that this is a life lesson, but it seems to be a cruel one to "teach" to relatively small kids... if you don't have friends, then not only do you have to recognize that fact, but you get left out of something special and fun. If they'd TOLD the kids that they could still participate, that would be better, but they are purposely leading them to believe that they'll be excluded if they don't have a friend. It seems like a double insult.

I'm very upset about this, and it's not even my kid who does not have a friend to bring!

Am I overreacting? Is this something typical that these extracurricular type activities tend to promote? I'm not normally one of those parents who constantly worry about my kids' self esteem, but this seems over the top to me.

So the kid without a friend gets a "special" board to break? That's not going to hurt his self esteem or anything, especially if he is already feeling bad that he doesn't have a friend to bring! That seems ridiculous to me!

I think you are right and that most other parents wil just shrug and say too bad to their kid. Most parents don't want to rock the boat.

I think it is a horrible lesson to teach and that class would not be a good fit for us. My daughter does take martial arts and I cannot imagine that they would exclude anyone in her class ever. Their whole motto is that the class is like a family!

[ADVentive]

When I was taking Tae Kwon Do they would have buddy days, but really, the whole purpose of those days is to get more exposure for the school to increase their business. I don't think that anyone should be penalized for not bringing a friend. I would discuss your concerns with the head of the school, not just the teacher.

As for breaking a board, I don't think it is at all out of the ordinary to do board breaking at that age - it really depends a lot more on their skill level than their age. We had to break a board with a side kick just to graduate to a yellow belt, so it was a pretty early test for us. We had to break boards to graduate each belt level - the difference was just in how we had to do it, ie which type of kick, etc. I was able to go to home depot and have them cut boards for me the same size/wood type as the ones we had to break so that I could practice at home. My school also had weaker boards for the smallest kids (3-6 year olds) who might be unsuccessful with the regular boards.

[TouchOfWhimsy]

Oh, I should clarify that I did speak to one of the co-owners of the school. The two co-owners are the teachers.

We signed a six month contract with this school... if we hadn't, I might consider pulling him out.

I wonder if, when we go on Tuesday, I'll be looked at as "that overprotective meddling mom." Oh well.

Thanks for the opinions so far. I was concerned that maybe I was making a mountain out of a molehill because I'm not used to school politics, and that maybe this was the norm or something. And yes, I agree that it's just to drum up more business. Too bad for them that the friend we're bring will definitely not join the class... she lives too far away!

[therewego]

I probably would have reacted the same way, ALTHOUGH, your kid is fine with having a friend to bring. What I am wondering is, where is the other child's mother during all this? She is the one who should call out and complain. If you complained along with her and supported her, that would be fine. By you commenting on it, you have made it known that the comment was harsh so maybe in the future that teacher will think twice about saying something like that. I guess, I am like you, I watch out for my kiddos and others as best as I can BUT I alone cannot fight my own kids' battles and the other kids' battles too.

[EJRuek]

Originally Posted by beanandpumpkin

Oh, I should clarify that I did speak to one of the co-owners of the school. The two co-owners are the teachers.

We signed a six month contract with this school... if we hadn't, I might consider pulling him out.

I wonder if, when we go on Tuesday, I'll be looked at as "that overprotective meddling mom." Oh well.

Thanks for the opinions so far. I was concerned that maybe I was making a mountain out of a molehill because I'm not used to school politics, and that maybe this was the norm or something. And yes, I agree that it's just to drum up more business. Too bad for them that the friend we're bring will definitely not join the class... she lives too far away!

You aren't being overprotective. Let's get that one settled, right away. What I'm betting is that the teachers just hope and pray you don't make it an issue, so they are going to step lightly. "School politics" in McDojos are mechanisms cultivated by ownership to secure more, not less, bottom line...unless the owners/teachers are guided more by ego than by seeking bread and butter for their tables.

[jeannie216]

Originally Posted by beanandpumpkin

Oh, I should clarify that I did speak to one of the co-owners of the school. The two co-owners are the teachers.

We signed a six month contract with this school... if we hadn't, I might consider pulling him out.

I wonder if, when we go on Tuesday, I'll be looked at as "that overprotective meddling mom." Oh well.

Thanks for the opinions so far. I was concerned that maybe I was making a mountain out of a molehill because I'm not used to school politics, and that maybe this was the norm or something. And yes, I agree that it's just to drum up more business. Too bad for them that the friend we're bring will definitely not join the class... she lives too far away!

Sometimes it takes a voice for others to understand they may not be making the right choices. I commend you for speaking your mind.