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I need some advice. I just found out that my 14 y/o dtr snuck out of the house this past weekend to go to her boyfriends house. She is not allowed to date until she is 16 and I thought we had a very open relationship. I also thought that she knew better than this. Her dad (we are divorced & I am remarried) blew a gasket. Of course she must be punished, but how can I do this tactfully, get my point across, & not have daddy flipping out?
Let dad flip out! You should, too. She's just pushed her boundaries wide open, challenging you, and, since it is, supposedly, her first offence...at least her first KNOWN offense, dramatics and severe consequences are in order to nip this behavior in the bud right now.
Does she have privileges such as a cell phone?? If so take it away, and she can EARN it back.
Make her come home right from school, no going out until she can prove she's trustworthy again.
Does she like dance classes, sports etc? If she does it again tell her you will pull her from those activities.
I need some advice. I just found out that my 14 y/o dtr snuck out of the house this past weekend to go to her boyfriends house. She is not allowed to date until she is 16 and I thought we had a very open relationship. I also thought that she knew better than this. Her dad (we are divorced & I am remarried) blew a gasket. Of course she must be punished, but how can I do this tactfully, get my point across, & not have daddy flipping out?
Wow. I have a 14 year old daughter, and all I can say is good luck. Did she leave through the door, or a window? What does she react most to? Belongings? Privileges? Some kind of restrictions need to be applied, but they have to be in her currency.
Maybe inform her that she put what is most dear to her on the line and it's up to her to remove it by earning your trust back. One thing though, carry through with what you say or she'll walk all over you now and in the future.
Let dad flip out! You should, too. She's just pushed her boundaries wide open, challenging you, and, since it is, supposedly, her first offence...at least her first KNOWN offense, dramatics and severe consequences are in order to nip this behavior in the bud right now.
My daughter did this also I have to say the teenage years were a challenge.
I got tired of this behavior so on a nice cold March night, I locked the doors and put some pillows and blankets on the porch and shut the lights off.
Dad needs to be told as she will think she got away with something.
Flip out MOM and DAD~ It you don't take a VERY strong stance in regard to this action, it will only get worse, IMO. Time to ground her, or whatever disciplinary tool suits you. Let her know you mean business. Did she actually go to his home, or did they meet up elsewhere? I would let his parents know the situation and that it is NOT acceptable.
DO you have a burglar alarm? Change the code, don't tell her it, and arm that sucker and see if it goes off in the middle of the night......had some friends who did this unbeknowst to the teen. Boy she got a surprise
I'm afraid I'd be for a bit more strenuous consequences than what KH02 suggests, no offense intended, KH02. In my experience, this kind of behavior is the beginning of a long, miserable downhill slide that can often wind up with the child involved in sex, drugs, and drinking...which, of course, lead to all sorts of other unfortunate consequences. Time to use the rod, in this case, grounding for the rest of the school year with constant supervision. Me? I've got a reputation in the family. I had no qualms in the past about putting bars on the doors and windows, chaperoning the child to and from school, and keeping them in eye-shot all the time. Today it is a bit easier: have her implanted with an ID chip OR one of those strap on, lock on, "can't cut em off very easily" tracking devices. They are available, and super nice in case the youngster gets abducted by human predators. Of course the downside is that I hate the idea of those ID chips, but you can always have it removed when she's just about to turn eighteen.
My daughter did this also I have to say the teenage years were a challenge.
I got tired of this behavior so on a nice cold March night, I locked the doors and put some pillows and blankets on the porch and shut the lights off.
Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyma
DO you have a burglar alarm? Change the code, don't tell her it, and arm that sucker and see if it goes off in the middle of the night......had some friends who did this unbeknowst to the teen. Boy she got a surprise
I've been REALLY lucky with my daughter as she has never tried anything like leaving the house without me knowing where she was going, but I think I'll hold on the suggestion of locking the door and putting a blanket on the porch. Changing the code on the alarm is a good one as well.
I'm afraid I'd be for a bit more strenuous consequences than what KH02 suggests, no offense intended, KH02. In my experience, this kind of behavior is the beginning of a long, miserable downhill slide that can often wind up with the child involved in sex, drugs, and drinking...which, of course, lead to all sorts of other unfortunate consequences. Time to use the rod, in this case, grounding for the rest of the school year with constant supervision. Me? I've got a reputation in the family. I had no qualms in the past about putting bars on the doors and windows, chaperoning the child to and from school, and keeping them in eye-shot all the time. Today it is a bit easier: have her implanted with an ID chip OR one of those strap on, lock on, "can't cut em off very easily" tracking devices. They are available, and super nice in case the youngster gets abducted by human predators. Of course the downside is that I hate the idea of those ID chips, but you can always have it removed when she's just about to turn eighteen.
LOLOL, I like your way of thinking on this subject. I'll take notes.
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