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sorry but why just give up the relationship? Make the Punk move out and stay out End of story if MOM isnt on the same Page with you THEN LEAVE.
HA,HA,HA,HA, you obviously havent had a nightmare stepchild.. He is 18, wait till he shows up at 2:00 am drunk and telling you to go "F" yourself. Wait till you have that fealing of grabing him by the throat and smashing his punk face. Wait till he puts his hands on your potential wife, knowing you can do nothing,you can call the cops, but he will be back. It sounds like a loose,loose , for you. I dont know you, but take my words, get out while you can. You should look elsewhere. He is 18, he obviously has no future and before long will be back at home making Moms, and your life unbearable.....
looking for advice. i am in a relationship, that invloves an 18 yr old, and am not sure i how i fit in. this teenager is very rebellious, and will not follow any of our rules. often throws a fit and screams,swears and is verbally aggressive to his mom. there is no respect for her, or anyone else. he has a limited education,substance abuse problems, which he will not get help with and a police record. he has tried to be out on his own,once by his choice and other times, by us,due to his ugly behavior. his mom has tried to help, but there's no success,she just gets yelled at or lied to. he doesn't like me, mainly because i won't put up with his actions. as a co-parent,what should i do. stepping in doesn't work, ignoring the situation doesn't work. his mom is a very strong person and has the patience unseen in many,but gets manipulated easily by her son. i watch the way he treats her, and am having a hard time. advice?
Yup, you can put your foot down and say to your partner, "him or me?"
He's 18 years old and if he can't live there respectfully, then he needs to get a job and pay rent somewhere else.
It is not your job to "parent" this young man - sorry. You are his mothers husband only and should leave the parenting to her. Be available to him as a man in his life - try to let him know you care about him and what happens to him. Trying to parent him is the wrong approach, your best bet is try to be a mentor, which won't be easy at first because he doesn't trust you - and really, why should he? Support his mom in establishing some house rules - but YOU shouldn't be making or enforcing any of them, she should. I know this will be hard for you, but it is the recommended approach if you do some research. Best of luck to you.
That won't work. You gotta have an alpha male in the house. So if he plays this passive mentor role, that means this punk is the alpha?
interesting, the responses are half and half. this is a big giant roller coaster, and in my own mind, i go back and forth;stop living with the frustration, and kick the kid out, or leave. putting a choice out there would mean,the immature kid or me. i would loose, not exactly the decision that would make me happy. i love and care for this woman with all of my heart, and think the world of her. we have normal relationship issues, and handle those great. this kid steps right in between us, and breaks us down. could our relationship survive a temporary seperation; yes. might make it better, BUT what is temporary. i can see her and him living happily ever after. who leaves? me or them? and, a bigger issue, why am i even having to think of these things, when the handwriting has been on the wall for a very long. history repeats itself, and this kid's history has not been good, the brekaing point is the unknown.
I agree with the other posters. Cut your losses. Get out now. Been there, done that, not going there again.... ever!
That won't work. You gotta have an alpha male in the house. So if he plays this passive mentor role, that means this punk is the alpha?
Don't think that's gonna fly.
This guy is not the kids father - it's been pretty well documented that in step-family situations unless the children are very young the step-parents role is most succuessful as "adult friend/mentor" NOT parental figure.
This guy is not the kids father - it's been pretty well documented that in step-family situations unless the children are very young the step-parents role is most succuessful as "adult friend/mentor" NOT parental figure.
Sorry but that "let's sit down and talk this over" with a kid like that ain't gonna work.
Parental figure or not, someone has to be the boss in that house. Right now, sounds like the kids is boss!
I'd hit the highway with my foot all the way down on the gas!
Yeah, well, then I'd put the foot on the gas and hit the highway ....
Get out of Dodge, fast!
That's one option
I think people in these kinds of situations need to consider distancing themselves from the parent until the parent either gets control of the situation or the kid moves on and out. As long as the kid is still in the home and the mother doesn't have control downbutneverout may want to just tell her he loves her but can't live with the drama. Leave the door open to return when the kid is under control.
Sorry but that "let's sit down and talk this over" with a kid like that ain't gonna work.
Parental figure or not, someone has to be the boss in that house. Right now, sounds like the kids is boss!
I'd hit the highway with my foot all the way down on the gas!
A man cannot come into a teenagers home and just by virtue of the fact the mother is sleeping with/married to him assume authority. This NEVER works, NEVER. The mom must be the parent, she must make and enforce the rules. Mom must be the boss - if she can't muster that then she will only make the situation worse by allowing her new spouse to try to be the boss. Now all that being said, this doesn't mean the new spouse has to sit back and watch his wife be abused (verbally or physically) by the kid. But the message must be communicated without it coming across as a challenge to the kid that abuse will not be tolerated. There has to be some caring and concern shown to the kid for the kid to begin to respect the new guy.
Run like hell from this relationship. It sounds as though everyone is disfunctional, and you will not be able to anything to salvage it. If this man you are dating had a clue, he would have fixed the problem child along time ago.
Please, do not be so needy that you have to settle for this kind of mess.
You should not be the one making the hard choice because basically you have two negative things to choose from: 1 - stay in this situation and put up with this out-of-control young adult until it destroys this future relationship or 2 - leave now and let a potential life-long partnership go down the drain. Neither are great options.
The mother, however, has the better choices and should be the one to do the choosing. She can 1 - let things go as they are and let a potential life-long partnership go down the drain or 2 - tell her son that he needs to go live like an adult if he is going to act like an adult and send him on his way to finish growing up and causing chaos somewhere else.
The mother - your friend - is the one who has something to gain here. This is not really your problem at all - it is hers and she needs to be the one making the tough choices.
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End of story if MOM isnt on the same Page with you THEN LEAVE.
