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Old 08-15-2008, 08:55 PM
 
Location: Bay Area
3,783 posts, read 7,004,963 times
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My family has also moved a lot- even Europe for a few years- with 4 children in tow- 10 to 2 months. Despite the initial stress of it all (and major guilt from my end) I think they've all been better for it.

My oldest has had the hardest time of it (12yrs) and has moved for various reasons since he was 6. Although it's been rough, he's much more eager to start/join new schools/activities without much fear. He seems much more confident in himself to know how to make friends and fit in well with others (knock on wood since he's starting a new middle school in a couple of weeks). Now he wants to study in France when he's older. Once a shy, safe type personality- he's eager to travel the world again!

I wouldn't necessarily recommend moving around a lot, because it IS stressful for everyone, but I think kids are pretty resilient overall and can ultimately benefit from it.

I do think that if your kids are into having a dog/cat/pet, to go ahead with that suggestion. Show them around the area, show them where the new school is going to be and tell them about any cool or interesting local activities happening in the area. Get them involved with whatever lesson/camp etc that you can find of interest for them. Talk to them about all of the positive aspects of the area.

Talk to your kids and acknowledge how hard moving is, but tell them that they have learned/experienced far more than someone that has never left their birthplace.
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Old 08-15-2008, 09:13 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
14,864 posts, read 27,414,489 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pammybear View Post
This may be more of a philosophical question but I am concerned about the affects of frequent moving on children. We will end up in either Midland or Wichita Falls and this will mean a third school for my 6 year (almost 7 year old) in three years. Dh is having trouble finding a job that really suites him so hence the frequent moves. We have already decided that no matter which place he chooses he will move first and try it out for a few months while we stay put (we are currently in Virginia where we have been for almost a year, and before that South Dakota where we lived for 10 years)

Frequent moving (and I know military families have to do it all the time) is so incredibly stressful, setting up household, finding schools, making friends etc etc and then once you get settled boom you have to move again because the job isn't right or whatever the reason..........I am just so worried about what this may be doing to my daughter. We moved alot when I was young but we stayed in places at least 5 years before moving.

This is just weighing heavily on my mind and I don't expect any answers but just other peoples' experiences with frequent moves and how their children handle it?

Pam
Forgive me if I sound like an authority on the subject but I did go to 14 different schools before I graduated (high school). LOL

The only great hardship it was on me (and I have talked to other people with a similar background and they totally agreed), is that after a while you learn to not let anyone into your heart. Everyone just becomes a long parade of people who come in and out of your life. You do not get attached, you learn not to care because to do so only reeks heartache after heartache when you must say goodbye.

As a result of this, as an adult it is very,very very difficult to form attachments of any kind. Not because you are afraid or anything, but you have trained yourself NOT TO GET INVOLVED so as not to be hurt. I have never really learned how to form friendships. The three female friends I have were girls I went to school with one grammar school one high school who I wrote to (more like pen pals) and kept in touch with. The third was a gal that I hung around with after graduation for a couple of years. The only male friend I have is my husband.

There are some upsides to this kind of lifestyle. The best of which is that you learn how to fit in IMMEDIATELY. I have the unconscious habit of mimicking the accent of the person I am talking to. If I am talking to someone from Minnesota, I sound like I am from Minnesota. If I talk to someone from Georgia, I sound like I am from there. Like I said, it is not a conscious thing. I just do it because I learned very young to do it so that I would at least SOUND like everybody else (we moved interstate where people sounded different). Another positive is that you really learn to be accepting and appreciative of all lifestyles. You don't grow up thinking that one way is the ony way. I am grateful that I have that point of view.

Overall, I would say that the emotional damage is pretty severe, and if I had children I would not do this. It really damages your life beyond measure to learn NOT to make emotional attachments to people. If you can give them some counseling to help mitigate this, I'd certainly do it. Otherwise, I would really try to avoid moving all the time because it is damaging, I believe.

20yrsinBranson
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Old 05-17-2009, 06:23 PM
 
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I think that if you are having money problems and relationship problems then moving will effect the child negatively. If youre going through hardships and arent emotionally stable moving will probably damage the child in some way.I would also say that the child will function as well as you do. If you are handling the moves well then the child will to, but with money problems I dont see how you could be. The other people who commented here probably havent faced financial problems as an adult or child in other words they didnt have any extra stressful things that were going on at the time of thier moves.
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Old 05-17-2009, 06:49 PM
 
5,748 posts, read 10,031,382 times
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My husband was raised in a military family and moved many times (13 or so) as a child, and as a married couple we have also moved several times. He always said that it was great living in so many different places, so I find it interesting that now that we have children, he is absolutely adamant that we will not move again until they have graduated high school.
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Old 05-17-2009, 08:17 PM
 
Location: Denver area
20,346 posts, read 20,375,282 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by formercalifornian View Post
My husband was raised in a military family and moved many times (13 or so) as a child, and as a married couple we have also moved several times. He always said that it was great living in so many different places, so I find it interesting that now that we have children, he is absolutely adamant that we will not move again until they have graduated high school.

I grew up in a military family and I said (and did) the same. We moved before my oldest started school. She attended Kindergarten in one school district (where we lived in an apt) then we bought a house in a different one. Once she was in 1st grade, we did not move. She is in college now. I feel very strongly that most kids (not all -absolutely some kids do fine moving a lot) really benefit from stability.
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Old 05-17-2009, 08:57 PM
 
Location: Niles, Michigan
1,692 posts, read 3,007,341 times
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I have 7 kids 4 are still at home. They are 16,7,6,2. We moved from Michigan last year to North Carolina it was last Summer and they still have a hard time. I posted on the moving thread before and many said it was my fault because I don't like it here either. It isn't that my kids had the security that they knew with the home. family and school takem it was a huge deal. Although they are used to this new area it just isn't home to them. We talk and we understand it makes us sad. We stay in touch as much as we can. My husband might be able to get a transfere not back to Michigan but closer so we are really wondering. My son who is 16 is one issue I do not want to moce for the last two years of High School.
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Old 05-17-2009, 11:29 PM
 
Location: Denver area
20,346 posts, read 20,375,282 times
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Sometimes people must make moves even when they don't want to. Some things can't be helped - especially in the current economy. In those times, how families adjust is largly influenced by the reactions and attitudes of the parents. Maintaining a positive outlook can certainly help make a difficult situation better.
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Old 05-18-2009, 09:44 AM
 
1,134 posts, read 2,286,193 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
Sometimes people must make moves even when they don't want to. Some things can't be helped - especially in the current economy. In those times, how families adjust is largly influenced by the reactions and attitudes of the parents. Maintaining a positive outlook can certainly help make a difficult situation better.
I couldn't agree more!
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Old 05-18-2009, 05:37 PM
 
138 posts, read 409,581 times
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I just wanted to thank everyone for their input on this subject.

I am going through this for the first time, I am kinda Lucky my son won't be starting pre school till the fall....but I don't know what to say when he asks to go to Grandmas house and shes now 800 miles away instead of 6 blocks?

at his age I am sure he won't remember a lot of this, but I have done the positive outlook, he is excited for a new house and room and how we will paint it like "space". I don't think there is much more I can do then that right now...but I feel like its good he keeps asking "can we go to the new house today?"
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Old 12-09-2009, 10:21 PM
 
1 posts, read 1,467 times
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I a 32 yr. old ACOD and experienced the same feelings as AdultChildofDivorce.
"It's all too easy for adults to be dismissive of the hardships their children have to endure so that the adults can "go find themselves" without feeling too much guilt." I agree with you on so many levels. I work in social services now and my experiences of moving, divorce, fighting, ect . . . help me relate to these teenagers. Others do not understand the lifelong consequences.
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