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Old 01-31-2011, 04:07 PM
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,437 posts, read 41,781,702 times
Reputation: 47043


kids are not plants
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Old 01-31-2011, 04:35 PM
Location: THE USA
3,254 posts, read 5,268,496 times
Reputation: 1982
Default Don't move with children

Originally Posted by haggardhouseelf View Post
I think moving is great for kids and adults. Humans by nature are a nomadic species. .

No, it really is not healthy to move children left and right so that they do not have a good sense of community. I only speak from my husbands experience but it really has affected his life even as an adult.

Children need stability and predictabilty in their lives, Some children adapt better than others to upheaval, but for those that do not, this makes for a lifetime of issues they have to deal with.

I lived in the same town my whole life, but my childhood was filled with unpredictable circumstances on a daily basis. Just because you grow up with chaos in your life does not mean it is healthy and just because you adapt to it and grow acustom to it does not mean it is not harming your psyche.

I agree travel and even relocating can be good as an adult, but for children, it really is something to avoid if you want to raise healthy HAPPY children.l

Study: Kids Who Move Are Scarred for Life! | momlogic.com
[LEFT]Researchers from the University of Virginia found that serial movers had fewer "quality" relationships and lower "well-being" and "life satisfaction" than adults who had sedentary childhoods. The really scary stat here: Adults who moved a lot as kids were more likely to be dead when researchers did 10-year follow-ups. Yikes!
The researchers noted that personality plays a key role in how mobile kids fare. If you're a "neurotic" introvert, good luck! But if you're a laid-back extrovert, you'll probably do just fine.

Teens who move a lot have twice suicide risk - Health - Kids and parenting - msnbc.com
Psychologists have known for years that moves can be distressing for kids. But a new study shows that the impact on some adolescents may be far more devastating than anyone thought. The study, published in the Archives of Psychiatry, found that kids aged 11 to 17 were twice as likely to attempt suicide if their families moved three or more times compared to those who had never moved.
And, if the family moved more than 10 times, the children were four times as likely to attempt suicide compared to those who had never moved.
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Old 01-31-2011, 04:55 PM
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We moved four times (three different states) before my youngest two hit their teenage years. Each time it got a little harder, but the final move was the one they were happiest with. We went from So. Florida to GA, and they had a very easy adjustment.

The oldest only made the first three moves with us, as he was already in college by the last one. He had the most difficulty with the move during his teenage years.

I think where you go makes a difference. My kids hated Florida, love GA even though they were older when we had to transfer here. The younger the kids, in general, the easier the time they will have. Our move during the pret-teen years for the youngest two seems to have been a bit of an anomaly.

I had an easier time with move while my kids were still in elementary school. It makes it much easier to meet other parents when you still have to set up play dates and such. Once the kids get more independent, there aren't as many avenues to find friends among stay at home mothers.
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Old 01-31-2011, 05:40 PM
Location: New York City
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I think continuity is important for children, but if you have to move it's probably easier when they are younger. As they get older, it's obviously harder. Being in the same school for many years can be a great source of comfort for children (as long as they have friends and are not bullied). They can make strong connections and feel like they are part of something.
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Old 02-01-2011, 10:41 AM
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Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
kids are not plants
Hee hee! Thanks for the reminder...
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Old 02-01-2011, 10:46 AM
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This is true... It is definitely easier on everybody when the kids are younger. We've decided not to move while our kids are in middle school and high school.
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Old 02-01-2011, 10:50 AM
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You know, I was just thinking about this...

It seems to me that the economy will have a direct impact on this generation's children, as parents are forced to move to secure a job or can no longer afford their house and have to move out.
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Old 02-01-2011, 11:13 AM
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I had to move frequently as a child, I would have preferred to live in the same place forever, but life does not work out that way...same for my children, we had to move, for me to make more money. It was a value based on having to support kids, without a spouse, and I did not have parents to give me money. My kids turned out okay, was it tough...yes...was it the best choice...I don't know...but was it part of life...yes....
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Old 02-06-2011, 05:10 PM
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I have a sister named Pam and we lived in Midland,Tx. At my best count since 1952 I have moved 58 times. 32 of those times were between 1952 and 1971, the yr. I graduated from Hidland High. My father was an oil exploration geologist. We moved 3 times in one school year; but mostly twice. These number of moves include preschool moves also and the point that we lived in Midland and I was able to attend Jr & HS there.
As a result of my families moves and the fact that I have a degree in the Sciences I stay away from small groups of people never developed good or tight friendships. My work history includes 58 jobs from 14 (newspaper boy for the Midland reporter telegram) and now working through a Senior Citizens group who helps older people to find a job. I suffer from depression, anxiety, I isolate my self. not tolerant of peoples extream attitudes.
My jobs have been carpenters helper, janitor of a movie theater, custodial in schools, apartment maintenance, Science teacher 4yrs, work at the university of Nebraska in the freashman lab, genetics research for USDA, substitute teacher, security guard, Over the road truck driver, worked for the census.
West texas has 10" of rain per year, 6-15% humidity, dust is everywhere (you can never keep the dust off the furniture and there isnothing to do for hundreads of miles.
OH...we also lived in Alaska and Iran (1958-9), N.D., Ks, Ok, N.M. Co.,Wy, La and TX.
Hope you stay put...it is not worth it. My Grandmother told me to stop moving or I would have nothing.....I'm 58 and don't have anything....The money from the oil fields is not worth the loss.
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Old 02-07-2011, 10:46 AM
Location: El Paso, TX
3,302 posts, read 3,763,673 times
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Originally Posted by pammybear View Post
This may be more of a philosophical question but I am concerned about the affects of frequent moving on children. We will end up in either Midland or Wichita Falls and this will mean a third school for my 6 year (almost 7 year old) in three years. Dh is having trouble finding a job that really suites him so hence the frequent moves. We have already decided that no matter which place he chooses he will move first and try it out for a few months while we stay put (we are currently in Virginia where we have been for almost a year, and before that South Dakota where we lived for 10 years)

Frequent moving (and I know military families have to do it all the time) is so incredibly stressful, setting up household, finding schools, making friends etc etc and then once you get settled boom you have to move again because the job isn't right or whatever the reason..........I am just so worried about what this may be doing to my daughter. We moved alot when I was young but we stayed in places at least 5 years before moving.

This is just weighing heavily on my mind and I don't expect any answers but just other peoples' experiences with frequent moves and how their children handle it?

I served in the Army for 32 years. Just retired last year. We had our share of moves in that time.
How it affects kids is complicated because kids are different. Some kids like moving to the point they may ask when it is time to move. Others do take very hard. However, in the military we do have programs we used to help them in their moves. One of the programs suggested we get another kids in the area where we were moving to to be the sponsor to our kids. That helps a lot. They look forward to meeting the new friend. That does not take away the sadness of leaving friends behinds though. A supporting parent can help there by ensuring there are many ways for the kids to stay in touch.
When I got an assignment my wife and I found things that we thought might be of interest to our kids. That help them deal with the idea of moving.
In some cases I moved first so we did not disrupt their school cycle. We made sure they never moved in the middle of a school cycle.
Yes, it can be difficult for you children but it makes a lot of difference how you deal with it as a parent. You need to be positive. If you also have an attitude. If you they see you talking about it in a way they sense you have to think of how bad it will hurt them they get this idea that is a bad thing. Simply ask them how they feel about the move, what are their concerns, fears, etc. and deal with those things. Do not assume what they are going to feel, think, concern, yourself. Let them tell you that.
The positive side? Well, my kids now that they are grown up do look back and remember the great times they had in Europe and other states of the union. They remember when we went up the Eiffel Tower, The Louvre, the Roman Colisseum, the Oktober Fest, Prague, Berlin, England, Luxemburg, the Great Wall, etc.
They do remember those things more than the hard time some of them had when they had to move. The oldest one is the one that had the hardest time when we moved from TX to Germany. However, at the end of our 3 year stay in Germany she liked it so much that she decided to stay there. She got a job at the Army base and stayed there 15 years. She now is very fluent in German. She is back in the States and now live in Atlanta. She just got a job that will require her going back to Germany on business trips, take care.
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