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Thread summary:

Having children young: able body, young empty nesters, single mothers, rushed relationships, progress

 
 
Old 11-16-2008, 06:44 PM
 
72 posts, read 148,057 times
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Default Here's why I think it's better to have a child at a younger age

In your 20s, your body is more able to repair itself better, you can sometimes stay up all night because of the baby crying and still be able to go to work next and focus. 20s somethings bodies bounce back quickly. So let's say that you graduate college at 22, get married at 22 and have your first child at 23. When that child turns 18 and goes off to college, you're still at a young age of 41 ( at 41, you're not halfway through your life yet!) and are an empty nester. And you still have the rest of your life doing something else, then your child has his/her first child at 23 and you're a grandparent at 46. You're still very young and active, and you may have to take care of your own parents, who may be ill, and you don't have the burden of taking care of your own child and your parents. There are some parents who have their first child at age 35, while it's a good age for present, later on it may not be, because you will probably have the responsibility of taking care of your parents and your own children, and it can probably be quite stressful, which isn't good for either the parent or the child. And also, having a child later could also mean that grandparents may not be able to spend as much time with their grandchild, and also their great grandchildren, and so on. My mom had me when she was 19 and is now 42 and my grandma is 61 and grandpa is 63. They've seen me graduate high school and also graduate college, and now I'm 23 going to be having my own child, and my grandparents will be able to spend time with my child.
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Old 11-16-2008, 06:48 PM
 
Location: San Diego, CA
4,257 posts, read 4,198,197 times
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Unfortunately, there are far too many single mothers at age 18-24. That tells me that most couples are not even ready to be married, much less have children. The divorce rate soars in the 20's as well, especially among couples who rushed into their relationships (trying to start families way to early). To be honest, as society progresses, people begin getting married and having kids at much later ages..
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Old 11-16-2008, 06:50 PM
 
Location: somewhere in the south
403 posts, read 1,062,842 times
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I agree, but unfortanetly, that isn't happening anymore.
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Old 11-16-2008, 07:18 PM
 
Location: Central Kentucky
850 posts, read 2,068,478 times
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I did both. Married at 17, first baby at 19, second at 22. Divorced at 28, remarried at 31. Tried to have a child - wasn't in the cards.

In 2007, My oldest married in March, youngest graduatd in June - and found out I was pregnant in July. This baby was an answer to my prayers, as I had NO desire to be an empty nester. I am the type of person who loves to be surrounded by my children, and I truly thought I was going to die.

That little blue stick was the best thing that ever happened to my husband and I. Now - blessed again - We have a grandchild due in February, so my youngest and his 'niece' will grow up together.

More and more people I know are having children at an older age, some by choice, some by the luck of the draw. I may have had more energy when I was younger, but my patience is much stronger now, and I cherish every moment where I don't think I was mature enough to appreciate some things when the older boys were little. I don't sweat the small stuff anymore.

Yes, there are down sides. My parents are in their 60's now and live 1000 miles away - they were much closer before. They are both in good health, but their time will not be spent with peanut the way it was with the others. But that is life change, not health issues. The baby will practically be an only child because his brothers are grown, but that is okay. I was an only child, and so was my husband - it works out. He is surrounded by so many people who love him, I don't think he'll know the difference.

There are pros and cons to both, and never a perfect time to have a child. I do believe maturity plays a big role in raising children. Some people are ready young, some are not. We all make mistakes, hopefully learn from them and do better the next time around if given the chance.

Bottom line, we all have to do what works for us. I have always been fortunate enough to stay home when the kids are little - I have no plans in working full time again for a long time - if ever. I so respect those mom's who have no choice but to work, and feel for them. During my career, I came across so many moms who wanted to be home so badly but could not. It's sad.

Young or old - we just have to be the best mom we can and be thankful for what we have when we have it.

I'll be 62 when peanut turns 20. God willing, I will still be healthy enough to enjoy his children, as my grandmother was with me (she had my mom at 41). She was around long enough to see both of my older kids, and those are cherished memories.

Think I 'll slow down and smell the coffee more often this time.
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Old 11-16-2008, 07:48 PM
 
Location: Swamps of Florida
3,426 posts, read 6,577,436 times
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I had my son at 22, he just turned 18. I see the beauty of having children earlier, as OP stated, you have your life after your kids can take care of themselves and you are young and full of life.
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Old 11-16-2008, 08:06 PM
 
72 posts, read 148,057 times
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OH MY GOSH!!!!! my mom just called and told me that she is expecting to have a baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She just took a pregnancy test at home and she's pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She's a pregnant grandma!!!!!!!!! I'm SERIOUS IM not joking!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 11-16-2008, 08:09 PM
 
Location: NJ
1,494 posts, read 3,102,020 times
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Doesn't work for everyone. i'm already 32 and no kids yet. Maybe it was cheaper to raise them even a few years ago but not now. I'm too scared to have a child and bring him/her into this horrible world. If I don't have one by 35ish then I'm just not meant to have one. I feel having them too young just doesn't let you live out all your dreams, unless your dream is to just be a young mother. I have too much to enjoy still before having a child.
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Old 11-16-2008, 08:10 PM
 
3,842 posts, read 6,698,407 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bby07 View Post
In your 20s, your body is more able to repair itself better, you can sometimes stay up all night because of the baby crying and still be able to go to work next and focus. 20s somethings bodies bounce back quickly. So let's say that you graduate college at 22, get married at 22 and have your first child at 23. When that child turns 18 and goes off to college, you're still at a young age of 41 ( at 41, you're not halfway through your life yet!) and are an empty nester. And you still have the rest of your life doing something else, then your child has his/her first child at 23 and you're a grandparent at 46. You're still very young and active, and you may have to take care of your own parents, who may be ill, and you don't have the burden of taking care of your own child and your parents. There are some parents who have their first child at age 35, while it's a good age for present, later on it may not be, because you will probably have the responsibility of taking care of your parents and your own children, and it can probably be quite stressful, which isn't good for either the parent or the child. And also, having a child later could also mean that grandparents may not be able to spend as much time with their grandchild, and also their great grandchildren, and so on. My mom had me when she was 19 and is now 42 and my grandma is 61 and grandpa is 63. They've seen me graduate high school and also graduate college, and now I'm 23 going to be having my own child, and my grandparents will be able to spend time with my child.
Had #1 at 31 & #2 at 34. Personal decisions will decide if #3 is the right decision for our family.

Would have it no other way. When I was in my 20's, I travelled to Australia, China, Vietnam & lived for a year in Korea. I've jumped out of airplanes & run triatholons. I went to a Big 10 college & earned my Masters in Education all in my 20s & childless. I spent money however I wanted. I went & did whatever I wanted. I didn't have anyone to take care of nor ask permission...it was great.

I lived my life the way I wanted to, only having to be responsible for ME, for a very long time.

Now, as a parent, I have no "what ifs". I had fun. A lot of fun. Now, I have fun being a parent....I guess an "old" one in your opinion....and can focus on my husband & children. I still have my own life & it is nice.

Age has little to do with it. Attitude & how you care for your mind, body & soul is much more vital.

I would have been a disaster having a child in my early 20s.
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Old 11-16-2008, 10:24 PM
 
Location: Catonsville, MD
2,367 posts, read 3,868,116 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 121804 View Post
Had #1 at 31 & #2 at 34. Personal decisions will decide if #3 is the right decision for our family.

Would have it no other way. When I was in my 20's, I travelled to Australia, China, Vietnam & lived for a year in Korea. I've jumped out of airplanes & run triatholons. I went to a Big 10 college & earned my Masters in Education all in my 20s & childless. I spent money however I wanted. I went & did whatever I wanted. I didn't have anyone to take care of nor ask permission...it was great.

I lived my life the way I wanted to, only having to be responsible for ME, for a very long time.

Now, as a parent, I have no "what ifs". I had fun. A lot of fun. Now, I have fun being a parent....I guess an "old" one in your opinion....and can focus on my husband & children. I still have my own life & it is nice.

Age has little to do with it. Attitude & how you care for your mind, body & soul is much more vital.

I would have been a disaster having a child in my early 20s.
Like this poster, I spent my 20s (and my 30s) working and traveling overseas, getting an advanced degree, living on my own, doing exactly what I wanted to do as a single and very happy person. While I had relationships, none seemed to be the right one. I met the right one when I was 40 and was finally ready to settle down. Due partly to my age and partly to medical reasons, I was unable to get pregnant (and probably wouldn't have gotten pregnant younger either,) so we adopted. I'm now 50 and we (my 49 year old hubby and I) have a 4 year old and a 6 year old. We couldn't be happier with how our lives have progressed. Yes, we are older, but we take care of ourselves and we are as active with our kids as the younger parents are. We have more money to spend on them and ourselves than we would have earlier. And we are overjoyed to show our kids the world that we both got to know (separately) in our younger years.

What's right for some people is not right for others. I cannot imagine not having traveled and lived the life I lived in my 20s and 30s. I do not regret a single thing, including not having biological children, and not adopting earlier in life. I'm happy that there are people who are glad to have children younger, and I'm happy to have company with other older moms while waiting at the mammography office .
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Old 11-17-2008, 06:07 AM
 
Location: Central Kentucky
850 posts, read 2,068,478 times
Reputation: 465
Age has little to do with it. Attitude & how you care for your mind, body & soul is much more vital.

Very well said. I agree, and can see such a difference in me then and now. I had the kids early because that's what I was raised to do. All the girls in our family did. That's what we were taught. But I still do not fel like I missed a thing. While I was home mothering the best way a 19 year old can, my friends were out running, hitting the bar scene, and some flunking out of college because they were not ready for THAT.

When the boys got older, I had time for myself in different ways. Because I did hit the stats and divorced young, they spent time with their father - which gave me my time on weekends and whenever he wanted them. (I do not have the typical ex relationship - he and my husband are best friends and was here just last night!)

The older they got, their friends gathered at our house, and it thrilled me to have a house full of kids. Mine was the house the kids came to after prom and graduation. Never a dull moment.

Now, with the baby, my attitude has relaxed, but I still feel as young as I did mentally, despite aches and pains. I am going back to finish my design degree, will work a little part time after he's a year or so, and it all works.

Age does have little to do with it. The mentality and maturity of the parents are the most important thing.

Oh - Raven - don't be afraid. I was at first, as 42 is a looking forward to grandkids time! But I have to tell you - crime and horrible things outside the door or not - it is so worth it. Plus, when I discovered my little surprise gift, I realized he has a purpose (we all do of course, but...) He could be the one that turns this world around. Big dream, I know, but there is a reason for everything. You will not regret it, regardless of your age.
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