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Old 03-06-2012, 05:54 AM
 
Location: North America
14,204 posts, read 12,226,754 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
This thread is about a general topic, not a specific issue that might already be resolved. Nothing wrong with old threads.

We have three open threads about sleepovers, so I am merging them.
~fist bump~
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Old 03-06-2012, 05:58 AM
 
Location: North America
14,204 posts, read 12,226,754 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by purehuman View Post
NEOhioBound....key words being "parents I trust"....it's good that you have that...I didn't...at least not until they were older...and then...like you said..basically...everyone benefited...parents and children alike.
How do the kids benefit exactly?
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Old 03-06-2012, 05:59 AM
 
Location: North America
14,204 posts, read 12,226,754 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PoppySead View Post
You know that is really the key. The close friends I had before kids and during kids ended up being different parents than me. They continued partying hard through parenthood, drinking parties ever weekend, and I just could never hang in the "trust them with my kids" arena. lol
Now that we all have teens it's the same. They have beer bongs at there homes for the kids when they sleep over, etc. They think it's fine for the teens to drink in a controlled environment and are so drunk themselves that they wouldn't know anyway. They are the block partiers. There isn't a night in hell I would send my teens over there for a sleep over. Plenty that do though, girls and boys they don't care they have an "open door" policy as well and some of the parents are of like mind of course and some that probably don't realize that's the environment because they don't know them that well and didn't check because their kids are older.
I think that insight with me has made a difference. I'm pretty careful now. I try and find like minded parents. Despite them being life long friends I wouldn't trust them with my kids, they are usually hammered regardless of who's spending the night at their homes by 9 or 10pm. Even when the kids were small, how could I possibly think they would take good care of the kids there. I stopped all that behavior when I had kids and a family, a lot of people don't. That's ok but I really think it pays to get some friends that you share some value about your kids with. I got sick of hearing how I needed to just relax, that I was overly cautious. I finally sort of fell off the friend wagon. I have no regrets.
Sometimes knowing them really well is one of the reasons you DON'T send your kids to their house. lol
I'm hoping my sons crowd of friends parents will turn out a bit easier for me to handle.

I wouldn't have even let my kids OVER their house ever, let alone have a sleepover there
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Old 03-06-2012, 06:37 AM
 
85 posts, read 110,424 times
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My girls love to have sleepovers and go to sleepovers, and one friend of my daughters has been over every weekend for the last 6 weekends in a row. It's fine by me. I loved sleepovers as a kid, I think it's good for the kids to get a mini-break away from home too.
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Old 03-06-2012, 03:05 PM
 
13,513 posts, read 19,211,232 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucidkitty View Post
How do the kids benefit exactly?
By having a great time with their peers (away from their parents) while at the same time knowing their parents trust them to behave...be safe, and do what's right.
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Old 03-06-2012, 03:20 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,190 posts, read 7,949,686 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sandycat View Post
My daughter is only 5 and she's been asked to sleepover on several occasions. I have a niece to does sleepovers a lot (nearly every weekend), and I just don't understand the benefit to them. They stay up late, eat junk food, and do questionable things (like talk to boys, the internet, etc.). My husband and I are on the same page about sleepovers, we just don't want to go down that road, at all. But my questions are: Are they ever appropriate? Do kids benefit from them? Why are people asking us already when my kid is only 5? How can I say we don't do sleepovers without sounding judgemental?

How does everyone feel about them? Enlighten me please.
I'm going to take a wild guess and say you never did sleep overs as a child?

At 5 I highly doubt they'll be staying up late, I highly doubt they'll be talking to boys and I really highly doubt they'll be on the internet.

There is a benefit, a social one, one that helps with independence, bonding experience with their friends.

Sleep overs help socially, they help kids interact with other kids in a different element, hanging out at a sleep over is a lot different than hanging out at the mall or just going over for a few hours.

And if your kid does lots of sleepovers, it helps with independence, gives them the ability to learn how to cope without mommy and daddy there at night, sleeping away from the comfort of their own home, shows them how to be flexible and bending because its not like their own home and they have adjust to the other persons house and that house's rules.


And once they get to be the age where they talk to boys and go on the internet 13+, its really not all that questionable, there is nothing wrong with talking to boys at the appropriate age and same goes for the internet.

I am all for sleepovers. I had them a lot as a child and a teen and never had any issues.

They are fun, girl-bonding events where yes, you go and you eat some junk food, stay up late and do girl stuff like paint nails, gossip, watch movies etc etc but the great part about sleep overs as a kid is you know you don't get to do that stuff on a daily basis, it's a special event you look forward to on the weekends because that's what the weekends are there for you stay up a little bit later than you do in the week and you do fun things.
During the week you go to bed early and you go to school, you don't get junk food and you don't get to see your friends anywhere but school, so during the weekend things get a bit reversed.

If you didn't stay up a little bit later on the weekends and have some fun and enjoy your
"break" from the regular mundane crap of the week then the point of the weekend would be moot.
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Old 03-06-2012, 03:39 PM
 
2,154 posts, read 4,414,126 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucidkitty View Post
How do the kids benefit exactly?
How do they not benefit by being able to spend time with their peers?? They are able to spend time with their friend(s) and their family and see how other households work together, maybe try different foods, bedtime rituals, etc.
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Old 03-06-2012, 03:52 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,190 posts, read 7,949,686 times
Reputation: 3320
It's a social experience, how can a child NOT benefit from social experiences.
Unless your end goal is to have a socially awkward child who has issues with adapting to new environments and independence issues.
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Old 03-06-2012, 05:13 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,190 posts, read 7,949,686 times
Reputation: 3320
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucidkitty View Post
How do the kids benefit exactly?
Did you never have sleep overs either?
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Old 03-06-2012, 08:29 PM
 
1,135 posts, read 2,378,007 times
Reputation: 1514
Quote:
Originally Posted by sandycat View Post
My daughter is only 5 and she's been asked to sleepover on several occasions. I have a niece to does sleepovers a lot (nearly every weekend), and I just don't understand the benefit to them. They stay up late, eat junk food, and do questionable things (like talk to boys, the internet, etc.). My husband and I are on the same page about sleepovers, we just don't want to go down that road, at all. But my questions are: Are they ever appropriate? Do kids benefit from them? Why are people asking us already when my kid is only 5? How can I say we don't do sleepovers without sounding judgemental?

How does everyone feel about them? Enlighten me please.
We are very picky when it comes to sleepovers. My husband works for CPS; I'm a newspaper reporter. So, we're familiar with what goes on behind the scenes in many homes b/c of our access to the court system.

We won't let our dds sleep over unless we know the parents. Recently our 13-year-old dd became friends with the dd of a prominent local police chief. She wanted to sleepover and told us, "of course it's safe, so and so dad's a police chief." We still made her and her new friend have a few play dates before allowing the sleepover. Beforehand, my husband met with the friend's dad to get to know him.

I think sleepovers can be lots of fun (I have great memories of the ones I attended 30 years ago), but they can also put your child at risk. I'd rather be overly cautious than allow someone to hurt my child. Last year a man in our state was convicted of drugging and molesting his dd's friend during a sleepover. I'm not taking any chances.
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