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Old 11-23-2008, 10:48 PM
Location: Raleigh, NC
11,017 posts, read 21,519,072 times
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My daughter is 15 and very immature for her age. She has a few friends that are 16 years old and have very liberal privileges. Her friend's mom allows her daughter to do alot of things that I think are somewhat inappropriate.

My daughter's friend's mom bought them tickets to see some concert. It is somewhere downtown, in a "club" that says it is "appropriate for all ages". Daughter wants to be dropped off there with her friend and then friend's mom will pick them up.

I don't have a good feeling about any of it.

My question is...would you allow a 15 year old girl to go to a concert, downtown Raleigh, without an adult???

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Old 11-24-2008, 12:06 AM
Location: Cave Creek, AZ USA
1,746 posts, read 4,435,954 times
Reputation: 1000
My first concert was Van Halen in 1986 when I was 15 and I still hold a grudge against my folks for not letting me go see them on their first tour in 1978 when I was seven, but a huge fan of that then brand new band. I don't know how into whatever band your daughter is, but as a guitar player and music nut, going to concerts has been a huge part of my life and a great, positive influence. I only wish I had gotten started younger than 15.
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Old 11-24-2008, 12:12 AM
Location: Camberville
8,685 posts, read 11,331,988 times
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When I was 15 it would have been no question to let me go under those circumstances, except with downtown Atlanta. We just didn't live close enough for that to make sense- but I had free reign of local, unsupervised concerts. However, I was about as far opposite of "very immature for her age" as you could get and at that age showed a very strong disdain for smoking, drinking, and drugs. My parents trusted me 100%. However, go with your instincts. If your daughter is immature for her age, then you already know the answer to your question.
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Old 11-24-2008, 12:39 AM
Location: Arkansas
2,383 posts, read 4,583,007 times
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It would depend on the concert and the child. You stated that your daughter is very immature. If that is the case, then I probably would not let her go without me somewhere near by. If you can get a ticket and stay somewhere in the back that might be a good compromise. I just think that you know your daughter best and if you are worried about how she will handle a concert then go with her to the first one, let her build up some trust in you and when the next concert comes around, then let her go on her own.
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Old 11-24-2008, 02:13 AM
Location: rain city
2,822 posts, read 8,806,850 times
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Most of the time I'm a go-with-the-gut-level-feeling person. Mother's instincts rule.

This is two girls being chauffered to a known venue and picked up directly afterward. Pretty cut and dried. Kids like to have fun and they should be able to.

You should talk to the other mother and define exactly who is driving at what time and work out the details. With a dual mom approach the girls can have their fun and the moms will know what is going on.

You have to give kids their room while still keeping an eye on things.

(Just wait till her friends start getting their own cars--soon. The mom panic level will escalate )
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Old 11-24-2008, 02:20 AM
Location: San Antonio, TX
262 posts, read 712,833 times
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Other than possibly some kids smoking pot around back or in their vehicles, all ages venues usually don't attract anyone other than teenagers and are pretty safe from my past experiences. I would consider them one of the good places for kids to go and be able to hang out at a cool place with their friends.
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Old 11-24-2008, 06:13 AM
Location: North Florida
414 posts, read 1,293,027 times
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I went to my first concert by myself when I was 14. My parents had originally bought tickets for themselves, me and my friend. They took us to the venue and scoped it out before eventually scalping their tickets adn letting us go inside alone. Even though I was a good kid and it was an all ages show, it was an adult atmosphere and my mom and dad wanted to be sure they were sending me into a safe environment. I know your daughter wants to exert some independence, but your job is to be a mom first adn a friend second. If the situation makes you uncomfortable, then you should follow your gut. She'll get over and won't hate you forever. I have a great relationship with my parents as an adult and they never tried to be my friend.
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Old 11-24-2008, 06:36 AM
Location: on an island
13,339 posts, read 34,080,132 times
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Originally Posted by crash330 View Post
I have a great relationship with my parents as an adult and they never tried to be my friend.
I think this is important. My parents sometimes fell into that trap of wanting us to like them.
Kids need boundaries; follow your instincts.
I was 14 too, in downtown Denver (in a rather seedy area) and it was an adult atmosphere but nothing terrible happened. Mom dropped us off and picked us up and we must have done this 10 times between 9th and 11th grade.
I think my sons were about 14 at their first concerts, maybe 15.
They did okay.
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Old 11-24-2008, 08:28 AM
181 posts, read 705,280 times
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This issue came up for our family when our daughter was 15 also, with a venue that listed some events as all ages, some as over 18, some as over 21. My daughter was pretty mature, but I didn't know enough about it to say yes or no, so I called the other mom (who was pretty laid back) who I did not know and just starting posing questions i.e. did she know the safety of the area (she didn't), did she know the reputation of the club for police calls, drug busts, under age drinking (she didn't), did she know what type of music the band played and what type of following they had (she didn't).

After I hung up, I was considering my options i.e blanket "NO", going with and adult in the background, doing some more investigation, the phone rang! Other mom calling me back, saying she had called the police in the city where this club was to follow up on our discussion. "A very nice desk sargeant" knew the club and area in question, he felt that while it was generally ok, there had been some issues with drugs and occassional police calls, and he would not recommend it for suburban 15 year old girls. So on her own she decided her daughter would not go unsupervised, her husband had no desire to listen to this band, so while she was pondering if she would go, her daughter got furious and wouldn't go if an adult was even anywhere in the building!

So moral of the story, don't be afraid to listen to your instincts, but also gather objective information and communicate with other parents.

PS a year later, different friend, different band, different venue we (other parents and us) took them into nyc for a show, went to dinner a block away and met them at the door after. Everyone was happy.
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Old 11-24-2008, 08:38 AM
Location: Raleigh, NC
11,017 posts, read 21,519,072 times
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Wow...you guys came up with some wonderful points. Thank you so much.

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