Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 06-19-2007, 09:25 AM
 
1 posts, read 5,340 times
Reputation: 11

Advertisements

Help please

My daughter is 19 and will not hold a job all she wants to do is sleep party and complain how it is all everybody's fault sh looses her jobs. She has been through 5 jobs in the last 2 months. This last one she had for 3 days and quit to go on a boat with her buddies for her birthday.
My husband who is her step dad is about at his end with the whole thing and I just do not know what to do. I love my daughter AND my husband he wants to kick her out but i have stopped that because she has no place to go and for a girl on the street it just is not safe any suggestions or advice would be wonderful
Kelly
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-19-2007, 09:42 AM
 
Location: ARK-KIN-SAW
3,434 posts, read 9,718,409 times
Reputation: 1595
how did she get money to go on the boat, or get to the parties, my suggestion..make her pay rent, pay for meals, electricity, dont give her any money, sounds harsh, wait..I was 19 once and i didnt want to do anything either, until my parents told me it was time to pay my own way.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-19-2007, 10:09 AM
 
Location: Tejas
7,599 posts, read 18,348,937 times
Reputation: 5251
Three words, "Kick her out", see how she does with the threat of not having mammy and daddy to live off of.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-19-2007, 10:32 AM
 
1,703 posts, read 5,127,347 times
Reputation: 1117
I agree with arguy, sounds like she needs some responsibility. If a child is allowed to go out and party, go on a boat with friends, sleep in; they most likely will take advantage of it. She lives under your roof; don't forget you are the parent! Don't allow her to do those things. If she lives under your roof she needs to abide by your rules or she's out!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-19-2007, 11:35 AM
 
Location: Happiness is found inside your smile :)
3,176 posts, read 14,654,906 times
Reputation: 1313
Sounds like you are not on the same page with your husband on parenting - and you seem a bit wishy washy

He's right - she should be kicked out. If she wants to party - then do it on her own dime. YOu are no longer responsible for her actions - enjoy your life you are being quite co-dependant. We all love our children but it seems she's never been made to do much and gets her way.

Draw up a contract - that says get a job, go to college, do something productive with your life if you want to live in this house - or you have 60 days to move out. PERIOD. If she thinks she's an adult then she should be able to enter an adult contract, and follow through.

You are enabling her. Stop it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-19-2007, 12:11 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
4,472 posts, read 17,624,447 times
Reputation: 4095
Quote:
My daughter is 19 and will not hold a job all she wants to do is sleep party and complain how it is all everybody's fault sh looses her jobs. She has been through 5 jobs in the last 2 months. This last one she had for 3 days and quit to go on a boat with her buddies for her birthday.
My husband who is her step dad is about at his end with the whole thing and I just do not know what to do. I love my daughter AND my husband he wants to kick her out but i have stopped that because she has no place to go and for a girl on the street it just is not safe any suggestions or advice would be wonderful
Kelly
Kick her out!! If she doesn't have a job, how does she get money to pay for all of this?

She's not a child anymore and she needs to learn how to be responsible. Let her make her own way and she'll NEED to find a job. Does she know how bad having 5 jobs in 2 months look on a resume? What about college, is she going?

She sounds like a spoiled brat that needs to learn her lessons the hard way.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-19-2007, 12:14 PM
 
Location: The great state of New Hampshire
793 posts, read 3,114,708 times
Reputation: 457
If she wasn't 18 yet, I'd ship her in a box destined for bootcamp. Bite this in the butt now and make her pay bills and rent now if she does indeed continue to reside under your roof. This sort of thing doesn't go away. I'm seeing it first hand with my girl friend's co-workers, many 23-26 years of age living at home. I understand living at home w/ the lack of decent paying jobs and the high cost of living today. But these same folks have little/no rent obligations, and go out constantly for their drunk fests until late, and call out of work 20% of the time minimum. Living at home is one thing. Living like you have no repsonsibility is another and is enhanced when that person always feels he/she has that financial safety net.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-19-2007, 02:19 PM
 
Location: Vancouver, Canada
550 posts, read 2,818,701 times
Reputation: 549
She is living in your home. You make the rules. If she is going out partying all the time then tell her that at 1am the doors of your house are locked and she is not allowed to come home after that time. You will not put up with partying and no job. You will expect her to be up by 8am on weekdays to get ready to go out and find a job. You will have specific chores for her to do every day while living in your house. Once she finds a job she will keep it and pay you some rent and buy groceries for herself. If she is not willing to do that then show her the door. You have done your job raising her so now it is her job to take care of herself.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-19-2007, 04:47 PM
 
6,578 posts, read 25,371,854 times
Reputation: 3249
Does she do drugs? Did she finish high school? How was she in high school? Grades? Why did she lose the other jobs? Does she have any interest in community college? Is she drinking?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-19-2007, 06:14 PM
 
Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
6,588 posts, read 17,488,922 times
Reputation: 9462
I wouldn't advocate throwing her out just yet. The world can be a scary place for a girl all on her own. A friend of mine had the same issue with his daughter and he gave her until she was 21. By then she was holding down a decent job and was able to get an apartment.

However, I agree that this situation can't continue indefinitely. She needs to have a time limit, and at the end of it, you have to follow through. Does she have any grandparents she could go stay with, or other relatives? Maybe a change of scenery would be a good idea, as it would get her away from her more unsavory friends.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top