No Listening !

[sskkc]

(I have to wonder where the pro spank people have gone tonight?)

Perhaps they're thinking what I am... will it do any good to respond to someone who believes you can REASON with a 3 year old?

I'll do it anyway... looks like you guys miss us when "we" don't pop our heads in.

Spanking isn't a constant discipline in my house, but my kids certainly know it's there. As they are 6 & 8 now, I can't remember the last time I had to spank either of them. At age 3 (maybe it was 2 1/2), I did - for the first time. At the time, my MIL pointed out that if I didn't do something then, he would completely stop listening to me by the time he was 5... and his then-new little sister would follow right behind him.

[Gue]

You must be consistent. & please don't say a punishment that you will regret.

I have found that you must get down to their eye level. You can not just stand in the doorway & say turn off the TV, clean your room, get ready to go etc.

It's more work but you have to turn off the TV yourself-no distractions. Get next to them on the floor or couch or wherever they are, look them in the eye & make sure it registers.

Really try to keep your voice low-so they can't accuse you of screaming. They try to get out of doing what you request by shifting the conversation!

Firmness! They need to totally respect you as a parent! Good luck! & don't give up!

[pinetreelover]

My kids are teens now and though they are far from perfect I have tripped over a few things through the years that seem to have worked. Of course, as everyone has said, consistency is the key, but is often very difficult to manage. I, for one, have had a hard time in the past balancing being consistent with the "choose your battles" concept... I still have a hard time with that one sometimes.

But.... Here are a few ideas that have worked for me.

Rather than say things like "If you pick up your toys, we will go to the park" - rephrase it as "When you pick up your toys, we will go to the park" It is a subtle change but sends a more positive message that implies "I know you can do it". When kids think that you believe in them, they are much more likely to want to please you. If they get the message that their failure is somehow an expected outcome, they are more likely to not meet the expectation.

On that same vein, catch them being good and praise them for it right away. The next time they don't do what you were desiring act astounded and tell them that you are surprised because they are usually so great at what ever it was... Here is an example.

Your daughter listens and does what you ask the first time. Give her a big hug and a smile and tell her what a good listener she is (go a bit over the top if needed). Mention her good listening skills frequently and make sure you call dad and let him know. The next time she doesn't listen (and it won't take too long) act surprised, shocked, disappointed... and tell her how surprised you were that she didn't listen because you KNOW she is usually such a good listener! (Again, a bit of drama helps) Give her a reasonable consequence (timeout, apology, repent and repair...) and then polish it all of with a big message of hope "I know that won't ever happen again because you are such a good listener"

Kids typically meet your expectations - you just have to make sure that the messages you are sending out are ones that set your expectations for success and not failure.

[mm_mary73]

Originally Posted by NYMD67

..........sometimes (especially with my 3r old) it is just so much easier to give in than it is to follow through.......

No, not easier, gets easier when you're consistant and do not give in !!!!! Shows you're more resiliant than they are and are strong and can't be beaten down!!! This will become much more obvious when they get to be (sorry!!) TEENAGERS

[Granny Sue]

I'm a believer in spanking but only at the last resort...

You have gotten some fantastic advise...one thing to remember.....they are so cute for a reason....don't let their cuteness throw you. They are very very smart. They are testing you.

They know very well that you don't like to take special things away from them and they play on that.

Keep being consistant....my children learned quickly that they only wanted me to get to "three" once.

Don't get me wrong I felt like the meanest mom in the world but they were worth it.

Take a deep breath and try to tell yourself you CAN outsmart them!

[regarese]

I believe in spanking too, but I wouldn't spank for this. My 3 year old daughter is going through the same stuff right now-always "No" or "But I just wanna" or anything but "Ok mom". LOL. Consistant consequences without over-reacting seems to appear like it is what is going to work the best-at least with my daughter. I give her warning (when appropriate) "Look at me. I am only saying this one time. If you do not do x then y will happen." When y has to happen she inevitably starts crying, "But mommy, me want to say sorry" (she thinks sorry is the new "magic word"). I tell her thank you for saying sorry but she still can't do whatever, and she should try to listen better next time. It's a SLOW learning process, but she's getting it.

My other advice is don't threaten with a punishment that you don't want to follow through on. I tell my husband this all the time. If we have to go somewhere where staying home is not an option, don't threaten her with having to stay home because she knows that's not going to happen. I would have wanted to go to that Christmas thing myself if I were you. I might have said if they didn't do what you wanted them to do then they couldn't have candy while they were at the party (or something else that you know would have bothered them). Good luck to you. We all need it.

[121804]

Originally Posted by regarese

"But mommy, me want to say sorry" (she thinks sorry is the new "magic word"). I tell her thank you for saying sorry but she still can't do whatever, and she should try to listen better next time. It's a SLOW learning process, but she's getting it.

I also want to add to this that it is not the child's decision of how or when the consequences happen. My 3yr old is pretty good at apologizing without being asked but he is also getting to the stage where he apologizes in order to get something or for something to start up again, etc. I tell him that is was the right decision to apologize (I do not thank him for apologizing) but such & such is still going to happen due to whatever occurred. And I always make sure that I hug him & tell him I love him even though the incident happened.

When time outs were effective, he did not tell me when he wanted to get out of the corner though he would try "Mommy, I am sorry. I'm ready to get out of the corner." I made the decision when he was ready & when I had taken a few moment to gather my thoughts

And I do not use the phrase "bad boy". Bad decision or wrong decision, but not bad person. Good boy who made the wrong decision.