How old is too old for a man to be a first time father? (babysitting, divorce)

[Northman]

Hi all. Just soliciting opinions on a topic that applies to me.

I'm a 39 year old single guy (40 in March), never been married or had kids, but am still very much hoping to do both.

While I've had nothing but good wishes come my way in correlation with marriage, a good portion of people seem to think my ship has sailed for having kids due to my age.

So, I'm basically wondering what others think, and am particularly interested to hear from anyone who might be in a similar situation, or who have actually started families at or after 40.

Thanks!

[Lakewooder]

Two of my classmates have had kids for the first time at 50 in the last year. So I wouldn't worry..

[skbs]

My uncles have all had kids in their 40s and a friend of mine had a sister when his father was in his 50s.... don't sweat it..... It will happen when it happens..........

[jimboburnsy]

Delaying fatherhood has its ups and downs. Most guys are going to be in a much better financial position to have kids at 40 than they were at 25 and you have probably put your young-buck screw-ups behind you.

That said, at 25 you were in a much better position in terms of stamina and energy for the rigors of newborn care and have a better chance of influencing a surly teenage boy through physical imposition at 40 than at 60. The children of a young father get to know their grandparents and a young father gets to know his grandchildren.

There are pros and cons either way, but it definitely isn't too late. What you should probably do is marry a girl roughly half your age, that way you have the best of both worlds: A young, energetic mother with stamina and grandparents as well as an older, wiser, richer father. Win-win.

[HavetoSay]

Originally Posted by jimboburnsy

What you should probably do is marry a girl roughly half your age, that way you have the best of both worlds: A young, energetic mother with stamina and grandparents as well as an older, wiser, richer father. Win-win.

Good luck finding a young woman who wants to stay married to a man twice her age. You are taking a big chance since 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, a large percentage are initiated by women, and a large majority occur when a spouse in under 30. Marry a woman of noble character.

[plaidmom]

Just be aware that men have a "biological clock" too.
I believe sperm starts to deteriorate, gentically speaking, at ~45 years of age.
(quick search on google turned up this article:
Understanding Genetics: Human Health and the Genome)

That's not to say "panic" or give up hope....but if you are not out there dating in a serious way, it's probably time to get crackin'

[Woof Woof Woof!]

I would say 90 is too old.

[jimboburnsy]

Originally Posted by HavetoSay

Good luck finding a young woman who wants to stay married to a man twice her age. You are taking a big chance since 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, a large percentage are initiated by women, and a large majority occur when a spouse in under 30. Marry a woman of noble character.

Mostly kidding around on that last bit. That's actually another danger of delayed fatherhood: Your biological clock starts TICKING LIKE THIS and you pull the matrimonial trigger with a woman you would have never gone beyond third date or first roll in the hay with (whichever is the earlier) when you were 25.

Also, (I'm probably going to get crucified for this) good luck finding an unmarried woman of noble character in her late 30's*







*I'm aware that they do indeed exist, but be wary nonetheless...

[haggardhouseelf]

Risk of Birth Defects Linked to Father's Age - Los Angeles Times

If you are healthy, have lots of energy, eat a good diet, get regular exercise... if you feel young, look young, etc... maybe it's not too late? But there have recently been studies that linked older father's and older mother's to birth defects... so you might want to read into that or talk to your doctor about that.

Personally I can't imagine spending my 40's, 50's, and perhaps even some of my 60's raising a child. My husband and I had our children in our very early 20's (I was 19 when our first was born) which many believe is too young, but for us it has felt just right. So... I say just go with what feels right to you.

My husband and I are looking forward to our youngest turning 20 when we are in our 40's, and are looking forward to being young enough still to be healthy grandparents and be able to do fun things with our grandkids - as well as still being young enough to enjoy the rest of our life together having already raised our kids. We're looking forward to retiring early and spending lots of kid-free time together during that phase in our life when things naturally begin to slow down.

I think for women, too, it's harder for their body as they get older. Because I had my kids while I was young, my body snapped back into shape very easily, and the pregnancy and childbirth both times were wonderful and complication-free. I had tons of energy, and the chasing after the kids has never been a problem. Older women tend to have more problems, and more needs. So it might also depend on the age of your wife? Or your ability to hire a nanny to help out? In fact, now that I think about it... most parents who were 40 or beyond when they had their first kid do seem to rely on more help with babysitting, hiring a maid, having a nanny... even eating out more and less cooking at home. So I suppose there are ways to get around the age issue. If you don't have the energy for it - hire somebody who does.

Good luck to you...

[okpondlady]

My husband was 42 when we got married, it was his first marriage. I have finished with babies. Believe me, I have 2 already that are 11 and 15...I ain't having any more.

Having said that, Yes there are PLENTY of women over 30 with NOBLE character. Do you mean Virgins?????? No. Not many around. Do you mean a woman that is willing to start with babies at 35-40? Good Luck. Probably 80% of us have already had families and are NOT going to have more.
When I told hubby we wasn't doing anymore babies he says to me,"Children are children. Depending on how you treat them they can become YOURS maybe not in flesh but in spirit." My older one is ok with him, but definitely her POS Daddy's girl. My younger one thinks the sun rises and sets in Mark and he feels the same about her. Still loves Daddy but was to young at the divorce to be "attached", and he has made himself scarce afterwards. She is the closest thing Mark will ever get to having a child of his flesh.



Good Luck!!!!!!!