U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-04-2013, 02:45 PM
 
777 posts, read 794,134 times
Reputation: 382

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by TiltheEndofTime View Post
I agree.

I don't understand the point of even having children if one plans to just kick them out as soon as they are "legal." To me, parenting is a lifelong responsibility, and people who see it as an "18-year sentence" have no business having children.
Good point. I agree.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-04-2013, 02:51 PM
 
777 posts, read 794,134 times
Reputation: 382
Quote:
Originally Posted by HollaGeo View Post
A 30 year old should not want to live at home. If he/she does, that person has issues.
I think judgemental people who are into other people's business have issues. It's none of my business who anyone chooses to live with.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-04-2013, 07:01 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,761,562 times
Reputation: 22163
Quote:
Originally Posted by Army_Guy View Post
Was out at lunch with some guys that I went to high school with, graduated in '97, and when we were talking about where we lived, one of the guys was kind of embarrassed.

When asked, he stammered and said, "Oh, I'm back and forth" when the fact is that he still lives at home. At least he's still a full time student at 33

But I also know another guy who is 31, still lives at home, no education, work skills and works part time in retail. He also has no desire whatsoever to leave home and even said he'd rather live at home comfortably than struggle on his own.

So what do the folks here think? Is there an age where you are supposed to be gone and out of the house?

My parents have said outright that they enjoy not having the kids around anymore.
Well really it's to each his own. If someone wants to be an independent adult, living with parents at age 33 is too old, but if you look at previous generations, there were always those who never moved away from home and lived with parents their whole lives. There were always the confirmed bachelors, and spinsters who stayed with mom and/or dad, never really making it on their own.

In some cultures of other countries, never leaving the parents is even encouraged. In those cultures, the parents expect at least one child to become a caretaker for them when they become elderly.

If everyone is happy in the arrangement -- who really cares?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-04-2013, 07:09 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,761,562 times
Reputation: 22163
Quote:
Originally Posted by TiltheEndofTime View Post
I agree.

I don't understand the point of even having children if one plans to just kick them out as soon as they are "legal." To me, parenting is a lifelong responsibility, and people who see it as an "18-year sentence" have no business having children.

That being said, I don't believe in bumming off parents. As soon as I was done with high school, I started working at McDonald's and then I went to college. Now I'm working in my desired field of study, making great connections at two hospitals and I'm saving up and contributing to my tuition. My mom knows that if she needs help with bills, she is free to take money out of my account.

I think it is a parent's duty to give their child the best chance at life that the parent can afford, and kicking them out at 18 or on graduation is the bare minimum, imo.
The problem with that however is "lifelong responsibility". If you raise your kids to never learn independence or self-reliance, you're making a mistake because they will most likely out-live you and what happens to those over-grown age 50 or 60 years children when they lose their mommies and daddies?

I believe your responsibility is to teach and allow independence and self-reliance and raise them to be capable adults who don't still need parenting past 18-21 years of age. Teaching them to be fearful and scared to leave isn't doing anyone a favor. Legally also you are only obligated to provide for your babies until they reach adulthood -- if you've done your job right, they're capable and strong and can leave the nest and fly on their own.

And parents should never expect to mooch off their children -- that's completely wrong. You save up for your retirement years, you allow your children to live their own lives. You don't have children just so you get someone to take care of you for free or provide for you because you failed to save anything.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-04-2013, 08:15 PM
 
518 posts, read 668,350 times
Reputation: 962
well from the parent end, it would be nice to see all my chicks fully fledged. So far it has been 27 years of parenting and I am just a few years away from retirement and me time. When my husband and I retire I don't think I will still want the kids living at home.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-04-2013, 08:15 PM
 
4,862 posts, read 2,362,473 times
Reputation: 4662
sorry..there is something wrong with todays society..kids are more dependent on parents and expect to be taken care of their whole lives..NOT EVERYONE. is like this but , it is quite common. I have witnessed it within my family with my brothers that are in their 30's and im 25 (on my own)..one still living at home with my mom...cousins that are still at home and pay no money to rent ..etc...kinda pathetic...yeah the economy, it does play a factor . But cmon ...in your 30's if you aint got your cahunas together..when will you ever?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-04-2013, 08:46 PM
 
1,372 posts, read 1,730,072 times
Reputation: 1649
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
The problem with that however is "lifelong responsibility". If you raise your kids to never learn independence or self-reliance, you're making a mistake because they will most likely out-live you and what happens to those over-grown age 50 or 60 years children when they lose their mommies and daddies?

I believe your responsibility is to teach and allow independence and self-reliance and raise them to be capable adults who don't still need parenting past 18-21 years of age. Teaching them to be fearful and scared to leave isn't doing anyone a favor. Legally also you are only obligated to provide for your babies until they reach adulthood -- if you've done your job right, they're capable and strong and can leave the nest and fly on their own.

And parents should never expect to mooch off their children -- that's completely wrong. You save up for your retirement years, you allow your children to live their own lives. You don't have children just so you get someone to take care of you for free or provide for you because you failed to save anything.
You missed thd point.

Parenting isnt just about the financial obligation. Parenting is about guidance and emotional support when life kicks a person down. Even though my mom is fifty, she knows that she can go to her parents for counsel or help. My mom is financially independent but is grateful that she has her parents and their wisdom around.

And I disagree. I believe in respecting one's elders and helpijg care for them in retirement. I would rather eat dirt than put my mom in a nursing home. In Asian cultures, children are expected to help parents in their old age just as parents are expected to help their young adult children. America could learn a lot from other cultures. We don't value family or our elders as we should but instead dump them into crappy nursing homes and rarely visit them. I am not about that. Nope.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-04-2013, 08:53 PM
 
1,372 posts, read 1,730,072 times
Reputation: 1649
And lol at thinking that 18 year olds are all grown up. The human brain is not fully developed until the very late twenties. At 18 to 21, people are still maturing mentally and emotionally. To kick them out before then is irresponsible on the parent's part.

Again parenting is far more deep than what you make it out to be and I find it sad that people want to cut their support off so prematurely. Again any GOOD parent knows that one never stops being a parent EVER. Regardless of how old their offspring is.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-04-2013, 09:15 PM
 
1,476 posts, read 4,039,084 times
Reputation: 957
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark of the Moon View Post
as all parties are comfortable with the arrangement, then I don't think it matters what age the "child" is.
This says it for me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-04-2013, 09:46 PM
 
Location: Rome, Georgia
2,658 posts, read 3,204,109 times
Reputation: 1838
Quote:
Originally Posted by TiltheEndofTime View Post
You missed thd point.

Parenting isnt just about the financial obligation. Parenting is about guidance and emotional support when life kicks a person down. Even though my mom is fifty, she knows that she can go to her parents for counsel or help. My mom is financially independent but is grateful that she has her parents and their wisdom around.

And I disagree. I believe in respecting one's elders and helpijg care for them in retirement. I would rather eat dirt than put my mom in a nursing home. In Asian cultures, children are expected to help parents in their old age just as parents are expected to help their young adult children. America could learn a lot from other cultures. We don't value family or our elders as we should but instead dump them into crappy nursing homes and rarely visit them. I am not about that. Nope.
Good post. I moved out of the house at age 17, did for myself until I got married at 19, moved back in to my folks basement apartment to save up and buy a house, bought a house and moved out for good at 21. I was never pressured to move. I did so because I wanted to. I could move back in with them even now at 34 if I wanted/needed to.

But the main point of your post that I agree with is the nursing home bit. There is no way that either of my parents will go to one. I will take them in forever if I need to. It would be impossible for me to send two people who taught me so much, loved me so much, and did so much for me off somewhere to die. There is just nothing good about those places.

As for my own kids, I will push both of them to get through college, and afford them any help I can through that time. I would kind of expect them to move on afterwards, but will never close the door if they are trying and being responsible. Time will tell. My oldest is 12, the younger is 8.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top