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Was out at lunch with some guys that I went to high school with, graduated in '97, and when we were talking about where we lived, one of the guys was kind of embarrassed.
When asked, he stammered and said, "Oh, I'm back and forth" when the fact is that he still lives at home. At least he's still a full time student at 33
But I also know another guy who is 31, still lives at home, no education, work skills and works part time in retail. He also has no desire whatsoever to leave home and even said he'd rather live at home comfortably than struggle on his own.
So what do the folks here think? Is there an age where you are supposed to be gone and out of the house?
My parents have said outright that they enjoy not having the kids around anymore.
There are different definitions of living at home, IMHO.
If the 33-year-old is still living like a 6-yr-old, in his childhood bedroom, plopping down in the den at night, with parents buying and making meals, doing his laundry, paying for all utilities, that is too much. But that would be too much for anyone over, say college-graduate age.
I had a 41-yr-old friend who bought his parents' house from them (the house he grew up in), then lived in the basement level (separate entrance) while they stayed put upstairs. SO technically he was 41 and "living in his parents' basement," but he owned the house and paid for everything. He also didn't show up at the dinner table each night.
Ultimately, it depends on what both parties agree to.
This type of living arrangement depends greatly on the people , and their reasons for, sharing an abode. There are no hard and fast rules for where you live or your lifestyle.
My wife and I enjoy our space now that the boys are grown. However, we foresee a time when having at least one son close by will be required to help us.
Given today's economic climate, it's not uncommon for young adults (20's and 30's) to live at home. As long as all parties are comfortable with the arrangement, then I don't think it matters what age the "child" is.
There are different definitions of living at home, IMHO.
If the 33-year-old is still living like a 6-yr-old, in his childhood bedroom, plopping down in the den at night, with parents buying and making meals, doing his laundry, paying for all utilities, that is too much. But that would be too much for anyone over, say college-graduate age.
I had a 41-yr-old friend who bought his parents' house from them (the house he grew up in), then lived in the basement level (separate entrance) while they stayed put upstairs. SO technically he was 41 and "living in his parents' basement," but he owned the house and paid for everything. He also didn't show up at the dinner table each night.
Ultimately, it depends on what both parties agree to.
Agree completely here.
I have family member who would not be able to afford their homes without their adult children "moving home" and "helping" them aka (paying most of the mortgages).
It really depends on the situation. I have told college students that they should expect to move home at least for a short time unless they happen to find a job right out of college. However, staying at home to save money to buy a place is just being a leech, just like living at home because you can't afford to live in the town with your salary (move and get a new job), and moving back home after any financial setback. These are just a few examples and there is plenty of gray matter here, but realistically, if you are out of college or in your early 20s and have secured employment you need to move out of the house.
As others have said, it depends on the parents and the children. I think my parents had the right idea. I lived at home past college for a few years to save money. The arrangement was as follows: I paid rent as if I was living on my own in the same city (so I had to have a job), but got a slight discount probably 10%. I agreed to do chores, yard work, landscaping maintenance, take out garbage etc... as parents were older and would run errands as needed. I paid my own car insurance. I could get meals if I was home in timely manner and let them know I would be home for dinner, if not, it was my responsibility to make my own dinner. I couldn't just show up expecting it i had to be disciplined in letting them know.
Since I did not have separate entrance, I left notes out of consideration as to approx time when I'd be back home so as not to disturb / cause alarm. When some of my friends made comments about living at home I simply replied, I like and respect my parents and we have a good relationship / arrangement whereby I am responsible.
I think the problems come into play when parents simply never trained their children to be accountable and responsible and still 'baby' their children or are too concerned about being their 'friends' (something more common to recent generations). My parents had no problem telling all of their children who weren't abiding by house rules' to "If you don't like them you can find your own place". So chronological age isn't the issue as much as I'd say emotional maturity and personal accountability and responsibility. As another commentor stated, if they just regress into the child role and expect to have mommy and daddy take care of them and play games in the basement etc... then that's a problem of poor parenting.
Otherwise, whatever the parents and their children find to be an amicable living arrangement I wouldn't belittle / begrudge grown children necessarily for still living at home, unless I was privy to the arrangement.
I returned home for a stint in my late 20's. Some people might think that odd, but they don't know how good my mother's coffee was. Also, I paid rent and was a conversational asset, as one would expect.
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