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I don't understand the point of even having children if one plans to just kick them out as soon as they are "legal." To me, parenting is a lifelong responsibility, and people who see it as an "18-year sentence" have no business having children.
Was out at lunch with some guys that I went to high school with, graduated in '97, and when we were talking about where we lived, one of the guys was kind of embarrassed.
When asked, he stammered and said, "Oh, I'm back and forth" when the fact is that he still lives at home. At least he's still a full time student at 33
But I also know another guy who is 31, still lives at home, no education, work skills and works part time in retail. He also has no desire whatsoever to leave home and even said he'd rather live at home comfortably than struggle on his own.
So what do the folks here think? Is there an age where you are supposed to be gone and out of the house?
My parents have said outright that they enjoy not having the kids around anymore.
Well really it's to each his own. If someone wants to be an independent adult, living with parents at age 33 is too old, but if you look at previous generations, there were always those who never moved away from home and lived with parents their whole lives. There were always the confirmed bachelors, and spinsters who stayed with mom and/or dad, never really making it on their own.
In some cultures of other countries, never leaving the parents is even encouraged. In those cultures, the parents expect at least one child to become a caretaker for them when they become elderly.
If everyone is happy in the arrangement -- who really cares?
I don't understand the point of even having children if one plans to just kick them out as soon as they are "legal." To me, parenting is a lifelong responsibility, and people who see it as an "18-year sentence" have no business having children.
That being said, I don't believe in bumming off parents. As soon as I was done with high school, I started working at McDonald's and then I went to college. Now I'm working in my desired field of study, making great connections at two hospitals and I'm saving up and contributing to my tuition. My mom knows that if she needs help with bills, she is free to take money out of my account.
I think it is a parent's duty to give their child the best chance at life that the parent can afford, and kicking them out at 18 or on graduation is the bare minimum, imo.
The problem with that however is "lifelong responsibility". If you raise your kids to never learn independence or self-reliance, you're making a mistake because they will most likely out-live you and what happens to those over-grown age 50 or 60 years children when they lose their mommies and daddies?
I believe your responsibility is to teach and allow independence and self-reliance and raise them to be capable adults who don't still need parenting past 18-21 years of age. Teaching them to be fearful and scared to leave isn't doing anyone a favor. Legally also you are only obligated to provide for your babies until they reach adulthood -- if you've done your job right, they're capable and strong and can leave the nest and fly on their own.
And parents should never expect to mooch off their children -- that's completely wrong. You save up for your retirement years, you allow your children to live their own lives. You don't have children just so you get someone to take care of you for free or provide for you because you failed to save anything.
well from the parent end, it would be nice to see all my chicks fully fledged. So far it has been 27 years of parenting and I am just a few years away from retirement and me time. When my husband and I retire I don't think I will still want the kids living at home.
sorry..there is something wrong with todays society..kids are more dependent on parents and expect to be taken care of their whole lives..NOT EVERYONE. is like this but , it is quite common. I have witnessed it within my family with my brothers that are in their 30's and im 25 (on my own)..one still living at home with my mom...cousins that are still at home and pay no money to rent ..etc...kinda pathetic...yeah the economy, it does play a factor . But cmon ...in your 30's if you aint got your cahunas together..when will you ever?
The problem with that however is "lifelong responsibility". If you raise your kids to never learn independence or self-reliance, you're making a mistake because they will most likely out-live you and what happens to those over-grown age 50 or 60 years children when they lose their mommies and daddies?
I believe your responsibility is to teach and allow independence and self-reliance and raise them to be capable adults who don't still need parenting past 18-21 years of age. Teaching them to be fearful and scared to leave isn't doing anyone a favor. Legally also you are only obligated to provide for your babies until they reach adulthood -- if you've done your job right, they're capable and strong and can leave the nest and fly on their own.
And parents should never expect to mooch off their children -- that's completely wrong. You save up for your retirement years, you allow your children to live their own lives. You don't have children just so you get someone to take care of you for free or provide for you because you failed to save anything.
You missed thd point.
Parenting isnt just about the financial obligation. Parenting is about guidance and emotional support when life kicks a person down. Even though my mom is fifty, she knows that she can go to her parents for counsel or help. My mom is financially independent but is grateful that she has her parents and their wisdom around.
And I disagree. I believe in respecting one's elders and helpijg care for them in retirement. I would rather eat dirt than put my mom in a nursing home. In Asian cultures, children are expected to help parents in their old age just as parents are expected to help their young adult children. America could learn a lot from other cultures. We don't value family or our elders as we should but instead dump them into crappy nursing homes and rarely visit them. I am not about that. Nope.
And lol at thinking that 18 year olds are all grown up. The human brain is not fully developed until the very late twenties. At 18 to 21, people are still maturing mentally and emotionally. To kick them out before then is irresponsible on the parent's part.
Again parenting is far more deep than what you make it out to be and I find it sad that people want to cut their support off so prematurely. Again any GOOD parent knows that one never stops being a parent EVER. Regardless of how old their offspring is.
Parenting isnt just about the financial obligation. Parenting is about guidance and emotional support when life kicks a person down. Even though my mom is fifty, she knows that she can go to her parents for counsel or help. My mom is financially independent but is grateful that she has her parents and their wisdom around.
And I disagree. I believe in respecting one's elders and helpijg care for them in retirement. I would rather eat dirt than put my mom in a nursing home. In Asian cultures, children are expected to help parents in their old age just as parents are expected to help their young adult children. America could learn a lot from other cultures. We don't value family or our elders as we should but instead dump them into crappy nursing homes and rarely visit them. I am not about that. Nope.
Good post. I moved out of the house at age 17, did for myself until I got married at 19, moved back in to my folks basement apartment to save up and buy a house, bought a house and moved out for good at 21. I was never pressured to move. I did so because I wanted to. I could move back in with them even now at 34 if I wanted/needed to.
But the main point of your post that I agree with is the nursing home bit. There is no way that either of my parents will go to one. I will take them in forever if I need to. It would be impossible for me to send two people who taught me so much, loved me so much, and did so much for me off somewhere to die. There is just nothing good about those places.
As for my own kids, I will push both of them to get through college, and afford them any help I can through that time. I would kind of expect them to move on afterwards, but will never close the door if they are trying and being responsible. Time will tell. My oldest is 12, the younger is 8.
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