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In your house, you have your rules. "I'm sorry honey but we only eat cupcakes in the kitchen, please finish it in there, wash your hands then you can go upstairs." That way, you are not making a comment on your friends parenting but just house rules that everyone follows.
I'd try the same thing for the last time. If this doesn't work, I'm sorry but they wouldn't be invited anymore.
But "peeing on the carpets" it's too much. I'd take the parents and if they don't do anything, I'd say "I'm sorry, I have an emergency and I need to go away now, good bye" or something for them to leave. But I must agree with maciesmom, at that age (I read the toddler was 2 later...), it's the parent's fault, not the kids. And you can understand it better xD I was thinking of an older child
Criticizing another person's parenting skills is a very difficult thing to do - not to mention that it most likely won't change anything at all except for strain and possibly ruin the friendship.
Taking control of unruly children is NOT critical of said children's parents' style of parenting. It's demanding respect of your home and rules. The children's parents are free to leave if little Travesteigh is being called out on bad behavior that the hostess will not put up with.
I am really not coming on here to ask to be judged or anything.... I really do feel frustrated and between a rock and a hard place. This was the straw that broke the camels back. My husband, who everyone says they cannot imagine EVER getting mad.... EVER.... was FUMING!!!! So, something does need to be done.... I know.... but I need to decide a TACTful way to go about it.... none of this... HEY YOU CRAZY laid back neglectful parent.... stuff...... some tactful helpful advice would be much appreciated..... I am more tactful than that..... I am a middle child... not the TYPE A personality.... I don't just attack off the bat like that.... more the mediator type..... maybe that is why I am trying to make this work.....
Oh, I'm sorry, did miss the post that you had to be rude or to attack the parents? Can't you come up with something tactful? It's not that hard... you just lack the nerve to do it. If you're afraid of your friends getting mad, then say nothing, and don't ever invite them to your home again. There is no way they won't be mad, no matter how tactful you are.
I'd try the same thing for the last time. If this doesn't work, I'm sorry but they wouldn't be invited anymore.
But "peeing on the carpets" it's too much. I'd take the parents and if they don't do anything, I'd say "I'm sorry, I have an emergency and I need to go away now, good bye" or something for them to leave. But I must agree with maciesmom, at that age (I read the toddler was 2 later...), it's the parent's fault, not the kids. And you can understand it better xD I was thinking of an older child
This is what is getting to me the most.... and the fact that I had to "find" the pee after she had already changed her and taken care of her child. she knew she had an accident.... if your child has an accident... you know there is a puddle somewhere!!!!! Clean it up yourself!!!!!!!! I am sorry, but if your have a two year old, who is not 100% trained... put a pull up on her when you go to someone's home because they will be distracted and most likely pee.... OR stand by there side the whole time to make sure you see the SIGNS!!!! That is what I would do..... Sorry, I am venting.... I am really frustrated...........
You are right.... I should do this one more time and lay it out there- please don't let them eat in there.... please make sure they don't have icing on them.... please don't let them eat upstairs... please don't let them sit on the American Girl Doll Horse... Please don't let them sit IN the doll house..... Your daughter peed in my daughter's room- here is the cleaning supplies....
The worst one was when her oldest was "playing" with the manger my father built.... it looks like a barn and it is amazing.... with a gate that opens and it is very detailed... but my children never DESTROYED this... her children came over and in 15 minutes it was BROKEN.... I wanted to cry. My Best Friend from Childhood who is in this group knows what this manger means to me and was SHOCKED.... and also knew to just grab it and put it away.... while the mother put this little smile like OH WELL.... on her face..... oh.................... You are all rolling your eyes.... I know....... but she really is a close friend..... and again I know there are several people who are telling me to shut my mouth.... but if you knew the friendship I had.....
Thank you.... this is very hard.... this woman is one of my three best friends...but she gets upset if you discipline her kids. She feels that it is an invasion of her parental territory or stepping on her toes. She got upset with our kids last night because they all were frustrated with the going ons and basically told her kids to go downstairs and play by themselves.... she told them that it wasn't fair and they needed to let her kids play. WELL..... I (and the other two moms) understand why the kids didn't want them there when they were doing things to be obnoxious (the older kids- not the 2 yr old).... UGh.... you all are probably rolling your eyes at me for walking on eggshells.... but when you are friends with someone for years like this and you don't want to ruin a relationship.... well.....sometimes you put up with some behaviors.....
until now....
I am thinking it might be better to do couples parties with the one family... and if the kids are involved to go to other locations..... then do things on the down low with the three of us more similar couples and our kids.... my only fear is that would be LEAKED and our other friend would be hurt.... and that would be horrible.... ugh......see I would feel HORRIBLE.......
If you feel like you are walking on eggshells quite a bit with this friend, I'm wondering really how good of a friend she is? From what you've written, it seems that she is quite controlling of situations around her, letting her kids do whatever in other people's houses, getting mad if you call her on things, etc. I know you've mentioned that you and she have been friends for many years, but I'm wondering at what cost??? You seem to be paying a much higher price for this friendship than she is. Your sacrifices to your emotional state and your home are much higher than what she's willing to give (this is based on what you have written).
And to add one more thing, there should be no issue of saying to a child who is visiting your home, "please stay in the kitchen with that. I don't allow food upstairs." "Be gentle with that please, my dad made that manger". Or any number of other rules that the guests need to be reminded of or told.
You need not go through the visiting parents or get their permission to enforce the rules of your home.
Is the friend you're having a problem with the 'alpha' female of this particular group of friends? She sounds really controlling with her temperament, getting mad at her own friends for calling her out on legitimate concerns they have.
Well, I just discussed the situation with the other two women of the group... and we all agree... the last party was the end of the road. BUT we can't call her on it. One of these women is cousins with this mother and she even says by calling her on it the Mother will never talk to us again- even her own cousin. EVEN if we do it in a tactful manner.... KINDLY, politely, sweetly, nonconfrontational.... however you can do it without looking like you are actually laying it out there... she will be furious.... and stop talking to us.... Her kids can do no wrong..... that is that.... even if she is destroying my home in the process..... SO....we are just going to get together with the kids at days off from school at public places like the zoo or museums.... things like that.... do couples get togethers at each others homes.... and on the down low do the three couples and our kids and not tell the fourth couple.... We three agree it was WAY too much what happend at my house and just uncalled for... They are just as angry and annoyed as I am.... and it wasn't even their houses.
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