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On a sidenote I'd knock the teeth out of any parent I see beating their children
I hope you are referring to a true "beating", meaning, causing injury to a child. If so, I can understand what you mean.
If, however, you are referring to a parent disciplining their child with a spanking, I would take serious issue with you if you decided to interfere with me or anyone else who is disciplining their children. Parents have every right to discipline their children as needed, as long as it is done appropriately, with or without the approval of nosey bystanders.
Yes, there is a huge difference between spanking and child abuse, thank you for mentioning that. I am a believer in spanking, as long as the spanking is swift, enough to sting and appropriate for the situation and age of the child. And for the children who have been brainwashed in school who look at the parent and say "You can't spank me- it's illegal"..... those are the ones who get two spankings. One for their wrongdoing, and the other for questioning their parent's authority.
Amen to that and I would love to see some of the posters on here with their kids if they have any . and how many times those same kids that they dont spank have embarassed them by talking back to them in their home and in public .
Question for all of you who don't spank. What methods do you all use? What happens when " Nathan, go to the corner." Doesn't work anymore? When calmly talking to them doesn't help? When they continue to back sass and disrespect you? Then what do you do?
We do not approve of hitting/slapping/swatting/spanking/etc. children. We use a cause and effect approach to discipline for our boys. We take privileges away, for example. It works really well so far - our boys are 9 and almost 14. If they don't obey the house rules, they lose a privilege. Privileges can include video games, favorite toys, going over to a friends house, sleepovers, dessert, etc. We also have a car that we are saving for them to use while they are in high school. It's currently my husbands car, and it's paid for, and we've decided that when our oldest passes driver's ed and is able to drive, we will allow him to use the car. He knows that he will only be able to use the car in high school if he follows our house rules. We actually have a list of some of our house rules on the fridge. I don't know that we could list all of them, but we cover the main bases there - written in black and white.
Recently our oldest son lost his math book. Instead of receiving his weekly allowance, we kept his allowance for as many weeks as it took for him to pay us pack for the cost of the math book. Our youngest recently was forgetting to put away his action figures when he was done playing with them. I gave him a warning, "Pick up your toys - or I will!" He knows what this means... when he still kept leaving them out I began picking them up and putting them away in my closet. He's not allowed to play with them until I see that he can remember to put away all his toys consistently after he's done playing with them. He has to prove to me that he can be responsible with his things in order to have the privilege of playing with them again.
Which also reminds me of another house rule: If there's one thing my husband and I DO NOT tolerate, it's nagging or whining. Our kids know that if they nag or whine, that's it. Instead of just putting the action figures away - if they nag us 'When can we have them back?" or "Can we have them back now?" or whine or cry about it - we donate whatever it is to Goodwill (we give it away) and that's the end of that. We talk about how lucky we are to have our nice things, and how some people cannot afford these nice things, so if we aren't going to be respectful with them and take care of them, we are just going to give them away so someone who will appreciate these things can have an opportunity to enjoy them. Thanks to this method, and using this method since they were very, very young - our kids don't nag or whine. They actually notice other kids nagging and whining and make comments about that, "Man... those kids are really whiny!" And I usually reply back, "And I really appreciate how you do not do that, hearing that gives me a big headache!" Once my son even told his friend that, when the friend he had over was acting a bit whiny. He said "Don't whine, it gives my mom a headache!"
For example - when it's time to leave a place, like the playground. When we say "It's time to go." That's it. It's time to go. They know if they nag or whine to stay longer or whatever, they are going to lose a privilege or they might be sent to bed as soon as we get home for punishment. I think it was between about the ages of about 14 months to maybe 24 months that my boys learned these things, these sorts of "house rules" that we have. Since then, it's just as if we've been on a maintenance plan having already set the system in place. Once in awhile we upgrade the system... adjusting according to the developmental stage or current interests of the child... but it's not a big deal. It's a natural, commonsense sort of progression.
And I agree - as children grow older the way you discipline them certainly changes. "System upgrades". What works for a toddler is different than what will work for an 8 year old or 13 year old and so on.
There is absolutely no need to use physical force to discipline a child. And all the arrows point towards it doing more harm than good. There are plenty of other ways to go about it!
Amen to that and I would love to see some of the posters on here with their kids if they have any . and how many times those same kids that they dont spank have embarassed them by talking back to them in their home and in public .
I'm sorry, I can't resist. I'm going to answer this question for my sister, who would be a great resource, but she would never answer your question with a drop of honesty.
My sister is 20 years my senior (yes, I said 20). I had my first child before she did, and I'll never forget being at her house for a visit and her giving me the look of death when I gave my two year old a swat on the bottom for being disobedient. She looked at me and said, "I can't believe you hit your child. Don't you know of any other ways to discipline? What kind of a parent are you?" I admit I was a bit surprised by her comment at the time, and grew even more surprised as she observed my parenting and became the self-proclaimed expert in parenting overnight; or so she thought....
When she had her daughter, armed with her stack of parenting books, she thought she knew it all. Our entire family has watched in horror as her daughter would defy her, spit at her, purposely knock things off the table, and one day, she slapped her mother in the face in front of her grandparents! I think the child was nearly three at the time. My sister got into a silly rant about how the child was "merely expressing herself" and made excuses for her abominable behavior. I told my sister that if that was my kid, she's have been over my knee before she even got a chance to make contact with my face!
Fast forward 5 years. My sister's child was filmed hiding under the table at her own birthday party, while everyone sang her happy birthday. There is only so long that you can smile and pretend it's cute before it's really not. She didn't open her gifts when it was time to do so because she "didn't feel like it". She was not made to say "thank you" to her guests because her mother felt that she should be given the right to make her own decisions. When I called to wish the child a Happy Birthday one year, her mother called her to the phone, and the child refused to come. I was told the child was "exhausted" and didn't want to speak. (I'm glad that she found the strength from within to open up the gift that I had sent her.) You see where this is going...
Presently, I can tell you that my sister finally got fed up with her daughter's nonsense, and has given her a swat or two on more than one occasion, but still defends her parenting techniques. The problem now, is that the child is older, and the respect just isn't there. It's a constant struggle for her to keep her daughter under control, and that is because she allowed it get to that point. It's very difficult to reverse this process once it is allowed to get out of control.
Children need limits, and perform better when they have clear boundaries. Spanking, when used as an effective tool beginning at an early age will help teach a little one where their limits are, and obedience. If used incorrectly, it can lead to distrust and resentment... and worse.
To answer your question directly, if the child acts up in public now, she gets her way. Why? Because my sister would rather give her what she wants, than to "look bad" by disciplining her child publicly. I feel more sorry for the child than I do her mother; because the child truly doesn't understand who is in charge in the relationship between her and her parent, which is a recipe for disaster. If her mother had taught her early on, there wouldn't be a misunderstanding.
I really think spanking is way too easy, almost a cop out.
Real discipline takes some thought as you try to figure out how crime = punishment. I love to take things away....computers, tv, phones, cars, ipods, even blankies. Much more painful and infinitely more effective. My kids have begged me to spank them, but please give them back the controllers to the Nintendo.
And for the children who have been brainwashed in school who look at the parent and say "You can't spank me- it's illegal"..... those are the ones who get two spankings. One for their wrongdoing, and the other for questioning their parent's authority.
Thumbs up! My son has never been told that at school, but a few times after he's been spanked he got indignant and said defiantly "Don't spank me!" Naturally he got bent over my knee again for a repeat dose.
I really think spanking is way too easy, almost a cop out.
Real discipline takes some thought as you try to figure out how crime = punishment. I love to take things away....computers, tv, phones, cars, ipods, even blankies. Much more painful and infinitely more effective. My kids have begged me to spank them, but please give them back the controllers to the Nintendo.
In that case, spanking would be a cop out for you. That says nothing about any other family.
Also, there is no reason you can't spank your kid AND take away the Nintendo.
I don't like spanking. I would rather find other ways to discipline kids.
That being said, I won't look down my nose or act all high and mighty over a person who does spank their kids. It's a personal decision and if that's what it takes for them to raise their kids right, so be it.
In that case, spanking would be a cop out for you. That says nothing about any other family.
Also, there is no reason you can't spank your kid AND take away the Nintendo.
I don't need to hurt myself by spanking anyone- I get excellent results with deprivation! Seriously, I'm not arguing for or against anyone spanking or not, I'm telling you what works at MY house.
My kids get a spanking as a last resort. I believe sometimes that is the only thing that will work and usually just the threat of knowing one might be coming will stop bad behavior in its tracks....
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Seriously, I'm not arguing for or against anyone spanking or not, I'm telling you what works at MY house.