Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Why is it that many think physically & psychologically harming one's child/children *i.e., spanking* is the only way to teach them right from wrong?
Let me guess ... you were spanked as a child so you want to show your children just how much you love them by perpetuating the circle of violence? So sad - for those who believe it, and for your poor children, that they have to learn that they have to feel hurt, fear, demeaned, and belittled to learn about life from their parents.
Seems that many proponents of spanking tout the "R" word - respect. I wonder if that is because they were not respected when they were young (i.e. - spanked). Why would you want to perpetuate these feelings to your children when you are in the position as a parent to teach them about love, kindness, and compassion?
To those that think the severity of the physical punishment should fit the severity of the child's misdeed ... are we to look for a news program about you because you beat, tortured, maimed, maybe even did other unspeakable acts to your child because they did something so heinous (in your eyes) that you had to escalate the physical punishment so it fit the offense? So you could feel respected? It's really not about teaching your child at that point, but rather it's all about you.
This line of thinking is very disturbing. It's no wonder crime in many parts of the US is increasing.
Please consider reading some unbiased books and do some research for legitimate scientific studies like APA (American Psychological Association) or JAMA (Journal of the American Medical Association) to see what long-term psychological effects spanking has on children.
When a parent yanks a child away from a moving vehicle in the street and spanks them to teach them the severity of what they have done, they are teaching the child to have respect for the danger - respect given (to the danger) - respect achieved
The only thing I learned when my mother hit me as a child was that I needed to not get caught. It did not teach me respect for her. It made me fear her, Not the behavior. I prefer for my child not to have the same resentment that I felt for my mother. There are punishments that are worse than a spanking, that don't cause physical harm.
Ok GREAT!!! A child achieves respect for a moving vehicle. There are soooo many ways to teach a child other than hitting them. All you are teaching them is violence is okay as long as it comes from mommy or daddy. As long as it's "for their own good."
Does your boss hit you to teach you how to do a better job?
Why were you not holding the childs hand to prevent them from running into the street to begin with.
The only thing I learned when my mother hit me as a child was that I needed to not get caught. It did not teach me respect for her. It made me fear her, Not the behavior. I prefer for my child not to have the same resentment that I felt for my mother. There are punishments that are worse than a spanking, that don't cause physical harm.
When I am gone, I want my child to reflect on his childhood with fondness, love, laughter, and smiles. Any other result simply indicates failure on my part.
Somehow I don't think he would have pleasant memories if I used his childhood to spank him into submission to get respect when he did things that were inconvenient, or inconsiderate, or otherwise malfeasant. I am sure, however, that he would be happy when turns 18 so he could escape, reflect on my poor parenting, and eventually seek psychological counseling to repair years of psychological damage from hurting him during his formative years. No thanks. Not the results I want.
I'll stick with my kind, yet firm *no spanking/physical abuse* parenting approach.
When I am gone, I want my child to reflect on his childhood with fondness, love, laughter, and smiles. Any other result simply indicates failure on my part.
I'll stick with my kind, yet firm *no spanking/physical abuse* parenting approach.
So someone's child might have the memory of having his butt swatted once or twice when he was 4 years old, and that negates all other positive experiences? Or are you assuming that parents who occasionally spank actually follow their kids around with a belt in hand, ready to strike at any second?
Does that mean that another 4-year-old, who never was spanked, will have his childhood ruined from not getting a candy bar in the store? Not exactly an experience full of love, laughter, and smiles for the miffed tot. Of course there are children who never experience any parent-imposed tears, and I bet they cry plenty as teens/adults when the rest of the world does not bend over backwards to appease them.
Your kids must be absolute joys to be around, if your sole purpose is to make them happy at all costs, every minute of the day.
Ok GREAT!!! A child achieves respect for a moving vehicle. There are soooo many ways to teach a child other than hitting them. All you are teaching them is violence is okay as long as it comes from mommy or daddy. As long as it's "for their own good."
Does your boss hit you to teach you how to do a better job?
Why were you not holding the childs hand to prevent them from running into the street to begin with.
Spanking is not the same as hitting, but you are just looking to argue so I'll move along...
Perhaps you missed where I said, "Spanking is only valuable in the most extreme of situations. Extreme meaning dire, life threatening.
Young children cannot always be reasoned with, you can tell them all you want - don't go near the street, the cars might give you a boo boo - but that doesn't mean they will always understand the severity of doing such a thing and could easily decide to do it anyway. And a parent cannot hold a childs hand 24/7 either. Kids need to learn how to survive without mom or dad constantly at their sides, because one day very soon, you won't be.
A GOOD parent employs a variety of firm, loving approaches to teach a child discipline and self-discipline. Of all the ways to teach a child discipline, spanking plays a very small, but important role.
A child should respect a parent not fear them
There is a difference.
No, I do not spank, never have and never will.
Discipline does not have to involve physical punishment.
(This issue will always be a hot topic, and those that feel
strongly about it either way are not going to change their views
when yet another thread on it is posted.)
So someone's child might have the memory of having his butt swatted once or twice when he was 4 years old, and that negates all other positive experiences? Or are you assuming that parents who occasionally spank actually follow their kids around with a belt in hand, ready to strike at any second?
Does that mean that another 4-year-old, who never was spanked, will have his childhood ruined from not getting a candy bar in the store? Not exactly an experience full of love, laughter, and smiles for the miffed tot. Of course there are children who never experience any parent-imposed tears, and I bet they cry plenty as teens/adults when the rest of the world does not bend over backwards to appease them.
Your kids must be absolute joys to be around, if your sole purpose is to make them happy at all costs, every minute of the day.
Attack the peaceful parent who wants the best for their child *without* hitting them.
I am sorry that my child will have to go to school with children of parents who choose to break their children's will.
I have never spanked my children and I very often get compliments on their very good behavior in public and at school. My children are well rounded, well mannered little people (well one's not so little anymore she's 17)They are respectful of us and their elders. I have three children, 17, 11 and 6 and not one of them talks back to us. If they have, it was their first and last time. We don't raise our voice to them except when they have disobeyed or done something wrong. When we go visit people they don't run around and break things, they don't run up and down stairs and they don't interrupt grown ups. I was spanked as a child and beaten by my mother and all it did was ruin my self esteem and self worth. Parents who hit their children use it as a quick way to "discipline" their kids. It takes a lot more to talk to them and make them see the error of their ways. This has worked for me for 17 years. I also ran a home day care and I never spanked the children and in fact those kids were better behaved with me than with their own parents who did spank them. Kids know who to respect and love NOT fear.
Last edited by CTR36; 01-09-2009 at 06:56 PM..
Reason: spelling
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
