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I have been on all sides of this fence. I was a SAHM, I was/am a working mother, and I worked in the preschool/daycare setting.
An article like this does not influence my choice to put my Son in daycare. I put my son in daycare for alot of reasons... the biggest one was that my Son was bored at home with me. He needed stimulation and a group setting that I could not provide as consistantly as he needed.
I went to work and put him in a great center. When he had to stay home six months later with chicken pox, I realized how much I was missing. But instead of pulling him out, I went to work there. I gave him the stimulation he needed while satisfying my need to be around my (then) 20 month old. Before I went to work there, I would hang out with the teachers after work and help them get the room ready for the nest day. I would bring in snacks and art supplies. I would bring extra diapers for the kids whose parents constantly forgot them.
I have seen frustration in a teacher's face and heard it in my own voice. Before this child was hurt, there would have been signs. It is the responsibility of the director to know the emotional status of the teachers. 3ish.... the kids are probably getting up from naptime and there is the diaper changes and snack time. The toddler room is probably the most stressful room there is. It has been awhile since I was up with the regulations, but for that age group 10 is probably within state standards, but (IMO) is pushing quality care.
This isn't about SAHMs or working out of the home mom's. This is a tragedy. There is blame enough to go around. Any parent who says they haven't had a momant of frustration where they have snapped at their OWN kid or just sat in the middle of the floor in the bathroom and cried because you feel so helpless/frustrated/ALONE. Multiply that by 10 (10 kids) then divide by 2 (2 teachers). Any change in the sequence would have made all the difference.
I think the reson so many people are getting upset with your post is that your original post and all of your responses are coming off with the "I'm a SAHM so I am better then you are" attitude. I'm not saying that is what you are thinking, but that is how your posts are coming off.
BTW, I am affiliated with a social service program pertaining to Child Protective Services and I have children referred to me because their parents are having a hard time and need some time away from their children. Basically, the agency believes that the parents need some time to themselves and that the child care service I provide is a "healthier" environment then staying at home with their own parents all day. I am not "tooting my own horn", but sometimes the children are better off in day care then with their parents.
LOL No need to make everyone happy. However, I will say that you might've expected this response with your thread title. The SAHM / WOHM debate is never far from the forefront!
I always wanted to be a SAHM and wife. I did for a number of years. It just isn't where I am. I won't put that on anyone else's lifestyle.
Keep posting. Expect to be flamed lightly once in a while. I've btdt too!
I think the reson so many people are getting upset with your post is that your original post and all of your responses are coming off with the "I'm a SAHM so I am better then you are" attitude. I'm not saying that is what you are thinking, but that is how your posts are coming off.
BTW, I am affiliated with a social service program pertaining to Child Protective Services and I have children referred to me because their parents are having a hard time and need some time away from their children. Basically, the agency believes that the parents need some time to themselves and that the child care service I provide is a "healthier" environment then staying at home with their own parents all day. I am not "tooting my own horn", but sometimes the children are better off in day care then with their parents.
I do not see how my post could make people think that. However, just because I don't see it doesn't mean that I don't think it exists. I had no intention. And maybe I was naive, but I did not know there was some huge debate with Stay at home working moms and "out of the home" working mothers.
Daycare was a big topic for me and my husband years ago. We always had reasons not to send our children. And when I heard this story, I said exactly that to my husband (my OP). So, I really didn't try to start anything or offend anyone.
Conclusion: There are many reasons daycare is not right me. My parenting preferences do not include daycare. I DECIDE to work overnight to be with my children during the day. Yes, I can be a "worry wart" but so far it has NOT interfered with my childs happiness, freedom, learning and friendships. I respect mothers who work out of their home. I can only imagine how hard it is to leave your child all day, come home and try to cram in visiting, dinner, bath, bed time and not to mention time for your husband/self. However, being a stay at home mom has its tough times too! And last but not least I WAS NOT TRYING TO START A DEBATE.
****Someone asked when I sleep if I work overnight and mentioned it would be unsafe to sleep while I was with my children. I don't mind explaining. I work from 9pm to 6:30am. My baby wakes up at 8:30am so I sleep for an hour before she wakes. When she naps from 1 to 3 I try to nap an hour. I never work two nights in row, so I usually go to bed right as I put her down which is 7:30pm. On Friday nights when I work, my husband watches her for a couple of hours while I nap Saturday mornings. So no, it does not interfere with my attention on my child. And as we all remember, it was much much much worse the first weeks after bringing baby home
And YES when people leave their kids at daycare they are allowing those workers to "parent" their child. That is fine. I choose to parent my child myself along with my husband, family and close friends. I do not think that those that send their kids to daycare are NOT parenting, rather deciding to share that responsibility with others (as I do but not with daycare workers).
I'm very particular with my child and with my own experience working at a daycare, I am not comfortable that they would meet my high standards.
I would expect some to argue that this incident should NOT weigh on my decision against daycare. Everyone disagrees. But the way that I look at it, how could it not?????
I know that MOST daycares probably don't have workers that would throw my child to the ground causing her brain to bleed resulting in her death. But I don't have to take that chance! And the fact that she is NOT missing out on anything at the daycare (since we have multiple playdates and I am teaching her the same things that are taught in a daycare) definitely makes me feel even more at ease with my decision.
It honestly never occured to you that that sounded judgemental or condescending?
Last edited by maciesmom; 01-19-2009 at 09:01 PM..
It honestly never occured to you that that sounded judgemental or condescending?
No. I was stating facts. If you trust daycare with your child you are trusting that they would treat your child as YOU yourself would! By sending your kids you are assuming the daycare shares your parenting standards. So yes, they are also "parenting" your child. There is nothing wrong with that. I just don't choose to do so. My standards are different. I have not found a daycare that meets them. doesn't mean I am better. Adn for the rest of the post, I don't see anything condescending. Sorry
No. I was stating facts. If you trust daycare with your child you are trusting that they would treat your child as YOU yourself would! By sending your kids you are assuming the daycare shares your parenting standards. So yes, they are also "parenting" your child. There is nothing wrong with that. I just don't choose to do so. My standards are different. I have not found a daycare that meets them. doesn't mean I am better. Adn for the rest of the post, I don't see anything condescending. Sorry
You are a prime example of the saying "There's none so blind as those who will not see".
My child has never been in childcare. So I am not disagreeing with you in the defense of childcare. But if you can't see how your words are insulting you are not as wise as you think.
"I know that MOST daycares probably don't have workers that would throw my child to the ground causing her brain to bleed resulting in her death. But I don't have to take that chance!"
maybe instead of saying that you don't have to take that chance, you can say i choose not to...
I was a SAHM and now am a working mom due to finanical reasons. When I decided I needed to go back to work, I started with calling the daycare centers in my area. Some were wiped off of the list by the one call. That left several to visit. I stopped in a various times to pick up/drop off paperwork and to observe. The one I chose never put restrictions on when I could stop in and hang out. I also was lucky enough to organize my work schedule so they are only at daycare for an hour before school and an hour after school, plus holidays and school closures.
The one I chose is an excellent place for my kids. (now ages 9 and 5) They are a group of wonderful people there that follow my guidance and have helped my kids in so many ways. My kids LOVE to go there. My 5 year old gets upset on Saturdays because he doesn't get to go. One of the key things is communication. They always talk to me about any "ouches", behavior issues, the kids' helpfullness, projects that were made.
As a working mom now, I also find it helpful that the daycare center will help the kids with their homework, guide them through the reading that has to be done and the lessons that are being taught are amazing!!
Is it a risk to send them there? Maybe. Everything is a risk now days... even being with grandparents, going to school, going to the park... I talk with the kids everyday about what is going on, how they feel, what is expected of them, how much fun they have, any concerns they might have, what is appropriate, how to handle situations or if something they don't like is going on. Of course, those conversations should happen simply from them being away at school each day.
I miss the kids. Sometimes I wish I could be home with them more, but then sometimes I'm glad I get to go to work too!
Conclusion: There are many reasons daycare is not right me. My parenting preferences do not include daycare. I respect mothers who work out of their home. I can only imagine how hard it is to leave your child all day, come home and try to cram in visiting, dinner, bath, bed time and not to mention time for your husband/self.
So, the whole reason you posted the thread was so that everyone could now that daycare was not right for YOU? Great. Now I can go on with my life knowing that you feel justified in your choices.
The article was to mean what to those who do send their children to daycare since you respect them so much? Since you can "only imagine", you just thought they liked to know how their child could be killed?
You knew what you were doing.
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