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Old 01-19-2009, 12:42 PM
 
3,648 posts, read 4,828,758 times
Reputation: 3590

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Hi everybody, haven't posted here for a while.

My daughter is 5.5, has started her second half of Primary grade. She's been smart since day 0. She's an energetic, social girl, full of laugh, lots of friends.

Small things that I started noticing to happen are -

- she brought a small toy from school, said "I just took it". I told her to take it back, told her that was called stealing. That's a new word for her (I explained what it means), but I'm not sure she fully understands the meaning.

- when we are in a store chosing a birthday present for a friend of hers, she makes sure she chooses what she really likes - for herself, and what she doesn't really like - for the birthday boy. Once we got ponies for a birthday friend of hers, and my daughter drilled us slowly until we got the same package of ponies for her a week later (up to that point, she had no idea who those ponies were).

- I observed another 5yo girl offering her arm to her little brother during a tag game, because she knew he wouldn't be able to catch older kids. She offered him to tag her. My daughter would never help her little brother in this way. In this situation, she would side with other kids and enjoy her little brother huffing and puffing after all the kids and not being able to catch them.

- She wants to try first any food she sees, she wants to open first any box of anything, she wants to be the winner, she doesn't take losing well.

It's a bunch of small stuff really that is dealable on each own. It's just lately all these small things seem to be snowballing on me, I almost start feeling that we are missing out on something? Like not going to chirch where sins are hammered into the little heads?

I also feel all those huge big words like "stealing", "thief", "greed", "envy", "jealousy" - are almost too heavy to be applied to our little girl, you know? I was trying to define them to her, and I see that she, being smart, gets the concept, - so we will succeed in time. What bothers me is that some things are seem to hard-wired in her, like competitivness, and she always reacts the way she's wired, and only after that, if she thinks, or is told, the learned things kick in.

Should I just teach her "kindness"? I already ordered books etc.

Kind of all over the place here.
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Old 01-19-2009, 12:58 PM
 
1,788 posts, read 2,913,263 times
Reputation: 1184
Meh...she's five. Five-year-olds are self-centered little things, what you're seeing is normal behavior. As far as teaching her values, just reinforce the idea that it's best to treat other people in a way you'd like to be treated.
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Old 01-19-2009, 01:06 PM
 
3,842 posts, read 6,786,974 times
Reputation: 3120
Quote:
Originally Posted by nuala View Post
Hi everybody, haven't posted here for a while.

My daughter is 5.5, has started her second half of Primary grade. She's been smart since day 0. She's an energetic, social girl, full of laugh, lots of friends.

Small things that I started noticing to happen are -

- she brought a small toy from school, said "I just took it". I told her to take it back, told her that was called stealing. That's a new word for her (I explained what it means), but I'm not sure she fully understands the meaning.

- when we are in a store chosing a birthday present for a friend of hers, she makes sure she chooses what she really likes - for herself, and what she doesn't really like - for the birthday boy. Once we got ponies for a birthday friend of hers, and my daughter drilled us slowly until we got the same package of ponies for her a week later (up to that point, she had no idea who those ponies were).

- I observed another 5yo girl offering her arm to her little brother during a tag game, because she knew he wouldn't be able to catch older kids. She offered him to tag her. My daughter would never help her little brother in this way. In this situation, she would side with other kids and enjoy her little brother huffing and puffing after all the kids and not being able to catch them.

- She wants to try first any food she sees, she wants to open first any box of anything, she wants to be the winner, she doesn't take losing well.

It's a bunch of small stuff really that is dealable on each own. It's just lately all these small things seem to be snowballing on me, I almost start feeling that we are missing out on something? Like not going to chirch where sins are hammered into the little heads?

I also feel all those huge big words like "stealing", "thief", "greed", "envy", "jealousy" - are almost too heavy to be applied to our little girl, you know? I was trying to define them to her, and I see that she, being smart, gets the concept, - so we will succeed in time. What bothers me is that some things are seem to hard-wired in her, like competitivness, and she always reacts the way she's wired, and only after that, if she thinks, or is told, the learned things kick in.

Should I just teach her "kindness"? I already ordered books etc.

Kind of all over the place here.
It starts at home

I was raised in an incredibly strict Roman Catholic home. I couldn't tell you what the Pope does on a daily basis though nor did I make many good decisions when I was in college & several years after. I had many a moment with my parents when I was a teenager. I had 12 years of Catholic education to boot & I still tried to smart off or do things just to irk those around me.

Church helps, but it is not the main thing.

Also, as the above poster mentioned...she's 5 & her behaviors are more than typical of most her age. There are always going to be children who "appear" to not do what she does or "appear" to be even worst.

It's an every day lesson that is up to you. She is going to learn most from what she sees at home & is taught at home. Places like church REINFORCE what parents teach. Therefore, if you are not church goers, that does not mean you can't simply teach her b/w right & wrong.

She's going to catch on. It's your job to help her
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Old 01-19-2009, 01:13 PM
 
Location: Victoria TX
38,753 posts, read 38,368,458 times
Reputation: 28816
I don't see what the problem is. If you, as parents, believe that that list ofl seven sins accurately reflects the pitfalls of human behavior, use them as a guideline to teach your children.

Tell them that ever since the beginning of human civilization, these seven things have been thought of as weaknesses that erode human character. Every nation, every faith, every people has recognized this. It is so obvious, even the foolish Christians have embedded it into their dogmatic teachings.

You might try contacting some other faith-based organizations, like the Buddhists, and ask if they have any publications for guiding children of that age. You can then teach similar principles without implying that they are uniquely Christian values.
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Old 01-19-2009, 01:16 PM
 
3,648 posts, read 4,828,758 times
Reputation: 3590
Ha-ha.. I knew I would get the "at home" thing - and it would make me to feel like a failure. My daughter is not seeing kindness at home? Yes, I am competitive and used to be an ambitious young woman - it seems my daughter is inheriting my qualities. But I'm now in a softer phase of my life, I am an older parent, I see how important kindlness and balance are in life - yet I have this little mini-me around....

Hi 12804, How have you been?
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Old 01-19-2009, 01:29 PM
 
3,842 posts, read 6,786,974 times
Reputation: 3120
Quote:
Originally Posted by nuala View Post
Ha-ha.. I knew I would get the "at home" thing - and it would make me to feel like a failure. My daughter is not seeing kindness at home? Yes, I am competitive and used to be an ambitious young woman - it seems my daughter is inheriting my qualities. But I'm now in a softer phase of my life, I am an older parent, I see how important kindlness and balance are in life - yet I have this little mini-me around....

Hi 12804, How have you been?
It's amazing to see yourself in a youngster, isn't it?

She is going to see it. She may be 30 when it happens, but she will. You are her example. She's seeing it & at every phase in life, she is comprehending it in a different manner.

The important thing is that as the parent, you never stop teaching her; loving her; and guiding her in the direction that works for your family.


I'm good. Very busy which is a good thing & haven't posted for quite awhile either. Balancing a 3yr old who LOVES to play in the snow & could be out there all day & a 1yr old who cries his eyes out when he is in it...

Had to laugh about the brother/sister comment...trying to teach my 3yr old that it is not necessary to shove or push to get to a toy...and just so many other things with siblings. ANYTHING left on the counter or table...he has to see or touch or move or open...in a millisecond. And yet, he truly is a good boy. Just, well, he is just my son. And I'm trying Sounds like you are doing the same. Good luck.
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Old 01-19-2009, 01:32 PM
 
1,986 posts, read 2,452,915 times
Reputation: 1252
You don't need church to tell your child what selfish is, nor do you need it to tell your child what wrong (stealing, etc.) is. Conscience doesn't come from church, it comes from every day life.

Teach her to be helpful and compassionate with her brother.

Teach her to take her turn and don't allow her to always be the one to choose first, open first, etc..

Teach her that when one takes what doesn't belong to them, it's stealing and wrong, even if it's taking from a parent or brother.

The birthday gift choosing is very normal, but why give in and give her the same thing. That only reinforces the desire to have everything someone else has.

Right from wrong is taught from the very start of a child's life. You don't need church to teach it either.
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Old 01-19-2009, 01:36 PM
 
Location: Victoria TX
38,753 posts, read 38,368,458 times
Reputation: 28816
I strongly recommend "Bringing Up a Moral Child" by Michael Schulman---which will help you teach your child to form her own moral values. It strongly contrasts moral behavior from obedient behavior. (Note: A faith-based on-line essay exists with the same title, which will dominate a google search.) This book has been around since the mid-80's, and the edition you will find (for less than a dollar, used) is a revised 1994 edition, still fresh and relevant.
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Old 01-19-2009, 01:45 PM
 
3 posts, read 3,386 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by nuala View Post
Hi everybody, haven't posted here for a while.

My daughter is 5.5, has started her second half of Primary grade. She's been smart since day 0. She's an energetic, social girl, full of laugh, lots of friends.

Small things that I started noticing to happen are -

- she brought a small toy from school, said "I just took it". I told her to take it back, told her that was called stealing. That's a new word for her (I explained what it means), but I'm not sure she fully understands the meaning.

- when we are in a store chosing a birthday present for a friend of hers, she makes sure she chooses what she really likes - for herself, and what she doesn't really like - for the birthday boy. Once we got ponies for a birthday friend of hers, and my daughter drilled us slowly until we got the same package of ponies for her a week later (up to that point, she had no idea who those ponies were).

- I observed another 5yo girl offering her arm to her little brother during a tag game, because she knew he wouldn't be able to catch older kids. She offered him to tag her. My daughter would never help her little brother in this way. In this situation, she would side with other kids and enjoy her little brother huffing and puffing after all the kids and not being able to catch them.

- She wants to try first any food she sees, she wants to open first any box of anything, she wants to be the winner, she doesn't take losing well.

It's a bunch of small stuff really that is dealable on each own. It's just lately all these small things seem to be snowballing on me, I almost start feeling that we are missing out on something? Like not going to chirch where sins are hammered into the little heads?

I also feel all those huge big words like "stealing", "thief", "greed", "envy", "jealousy" - are almost too heavy to be applied to our little girl, you know? I was trying to define them to her, and I see that she, being smart, gets the concept, - so we will succeed in time. What bothers me is that some things are seem to hard-wired in her, like competitivness, and she always reacts the way she's wired, and only after that, if she thinks, or is told, the learned things kick in.

Should I just teach her "kindness"? I already ordered books etc.

Kind of all over the place here.
I personally am not religious, (not to mention the fact that I'm 13) but i do believe that church does provide morals. However, as the second post says, everyone was 2-5 one time, and everyone threw little tantrums. its really just how a 5 year old behaves in general. just enforce the need not to steal things, and other things. If she grows up that way, it'll come out eventually .
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Old 01-19-2009, 01:56 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
605 posts, read 1,551,080 times
Reputation: 480
Catch her when she does something good (like be nice to her brother) and praise her for it. Role model the behavior you want to see. My children have seen me return money to cashiers when I have been given the wrong amount of money, be polite to strangers, and help people when they need it. Continue teaching her right from wrong and she'll get it. Personally, I think children should be raised in church, but I understand that everyone doesn't feel that way.
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