Birthday Party Guest Problem (out of control, parents, girl, play)

[Shwa]

My son's 6th birthday is coming up. He's having a party at a kids' party place at the mall and we're working on the invitation list. He wants to invite some close friends as well as all the boys in his class....except one! There's one boy in his class who, from day one of kindergarten, has driven him crazy! The boy is very disruptive (I've been in class to witness myself) and does not listen well - even to the teachers.

I just feel that it's not the right thing to exclude one boy and I just wanted to see how others in similar situations have managed.

Perhaps I should indicate on the invitation that there are to be no drop offs and then hope that his mother or caregiver manages him. I'm just worried that he would be dropped off and then I'm responsible for a disruptive child when I would much rather be enjoying watching my son enjoy his party.

[TouchOfWhimsy]

I agree that it would be wrong to allow your son to invite everyone except for one child.... on the other hand, he should not have to entertain a child that he just does not get along with at his own birthday party.

I think that your solution of saying "no drop-offs" is a good solution. (Having 15 or 20 little boys to be responsible for is too much for any one mom!) Another would be to pare down the guest list so that it's some close friends plus maybe 4 or 5 boys from class... not every boy except for one. I hate situations like this... you want to let your child have his special day, while at the same time reminding him that we have to take other people's feelings into account.

Good luck, whatever you decide!

[mlv311]

We haven't had to cross that bridge yet, but the policy in my daugther's school is that if you do not plan to invite all the kids in the classroom, you mail the invitations instead of dropping them off in person. Given your son's age, I think many parents are inclined to drop off their kids so if you choose to invite all the boys, you'll need to word the invitation to let all parents know that someone needs to stay with their kid.

[veuvegirl]

I like your solution of the no drop off, to exclude him is IMO not a good solution.

[joyBeing]

I'd either invite the whole class or only the kids he playes with. If you plan to exlude some of the kids from class, then mail the invitations. Personally, I only invite the kids my children play with, or really know and like. If it turns out that it's whole the class your son likes, except for this one little boy, I would still invite him. I see that as a learning opportunity in compassion and inclusion.

[crazyme4878]

I like the no drop-off rule too, but you are still gambling with the out of control boy. Unless you know why his is that way for sure, you don't know if he is out of control because of school, his personality, or his home situation. If it how he is being raised, I doubt you will get much help from his parent being there. It might actually make it worse...

I would make your son pick only a handful of boys from the class. It is hard, but worth it in the long run. My son just turned six and he had to do the same thing. And by only being able to pick a few school friends, he will learn why sometimes he is excluded from other parties and have a good excuse for why not everyone is coming ("My mom said I could only invite X people").

On the same lines... my son around six friends (plus his little brother) and I made parent attendance optional. It was a great size for the party, and there were three adults besides my husband and I (one was a couple who were our friends, so only one mother stayed).

Oh--the other problem with having no drop-offs is that they might bring younger siblings with. Then you have the question of providing the siblings with goodie bags and such.

[plaidmom]

Another would be to pare down the guest list so that it's some close friends plus maybe 4 or 5 boys from class... not every boy except for one.

and

I would make your son pick only a handful of boys from the class. It is hard, but worth it in the long run. My son just turned six and he had to do the same thing. And by only being able to pick a few school friends, he will learn why sometimes he is excluded from other parties and have a good excuse for why not everyone is coming ("My mom said I could only invite X people").

Best answers.

You get a manageable party and your son learns a bit about manners/hosting/treatment of others.

[maciesmom]

Ditto the above - I am not a fan of large, elaborate children's birthday parties (for a number of reasons) so I think a few close friends is the best way to go for the reasons mentioned.

[nuala]

I think it's okay to go by your son's wishes. He's already excluding the girls...

If we are to treat them as individuals, then they have the right to be happy among people they consider friends, on their own birthday - just like us.

My daughter has a similarly disruptive girl in her class, the only person in the world she doesn't like. I'm sure she wants to invite all 16 people out of their class of 17. But the idea of guest limiting sounds great.

[*Danielle*]

I am getting ready to have my dd's 5 birthday party next week. There is one boy in her class she does not care for...But we had a long talk and decided to invite him anyway. I asked her how she would feel if she was the only person not invited to a party...and she got the idea, wanted to do the right thing and we invited him anyway. I made it clear that if he acts out of line or does things that she does not like or is being mean to people etc,,,she can come tell me and I will take care of it for her. I told her I was proud of her to invite him and not hurt his feelings...and it was done.

He never RSVP'ed so I don't even think he is coming...