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I have a 16 yr old boy. He's great in school, he's honest and pretty responsible. On the surface one of the most admired kids in our community.
The other side is - everything anyone does or says - goes into his mental process "How will this affect me?" Myself and my little girl - his younger sister are very affectionate people- my son can't be touched. At home he likes to think he is able to judge and criticize the both of us. He's almost always proven to be wrong .. but then does it again.
He flies in last night -and we have only seen him a week in the past 4 months ( I have custody and he was in a special program for superkids) and at the airport, instead of hugs -he criticized which car we brought- why we didnt call ( we did he lost his cell phone and was using moms) and everything else he could think of.
I know most parents have what seems to be way more serious issues but this is serious to me.
Here's the real question - Is there something I as a parent have done that have made him almost cold on the interior? What makes children grow up this way? Is there a way to change this?
Could be that it's just that he's 16 - teens do tend to think the world revolves around them...
But if that is consistent behavior, not just occasional behavior, then perhaps you need to consider that he has been treated as a "super-kid" his whole life and now feels he's superior and entitled? At 16 it could be hard to tell the difference - LOL....
Again, I would try to determine if this attitude is representative of his "regular" behavior....
I have a 16 yr old boy. He's great in school, he's honest and pretty responsible. On the surface one of the most admired kids in our community.
The other side is - everything anyone does or says - goes into his mental process "How will this affect me?" Myself and my little girl - his younger sister are very affectionate people- my son can't be touched. At home he likes to think he is able to judge and criticize the both of us. He's almost always proven to be wrong .. but then does it again.
He flies in last night -and we have only seen him a week in the past 4 months ( I have custody and he was in a special program for superkids) and at the airport, instead of hugs -he criticized which car we brought- why we didnt call ( we did he lost his cell phone and was using moms) and everything else he could think of.
I know most parents have what seems to be way more serious issues but this is serious to me.
Here's the real question - Is there something I as a parent have done that have made him almost cold on the interior? What makes children grow up this way? Is there a way to change this?
#1..he's 16
#2..he's too cool right now for hugs.
#3..Showing distain for anything anyone other that his friend do is the cool thing to do.
#4..he's 16.
I lost all intelligence when my son turned 13. Now that he has a child of his own, I'm getting my smarts back.
Continue NOT to let him talk back and/or down to you.
#1..he's 16
#2..he's too cool right now for hugs.
#3..Showing distain for anything anyone other that his friend do is the cool thing to do.
#4..he's 16.
I lost all intelligence when my son turned 13. Now that he has a child of his own, I'm getting my smarts back.
Continue NOT to let him talk back and/or down to you.
Take deep breaths and don't let him get to you.
Good luck.
I agree with this poster. He's 16 and his attitude and behavior is pretty consistent and 'normal' for mid-teens. A good book that describes normal teenage behavior is:
Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager.
I have a 16 yr old boy. He's great in school, he's honest and pretty responsible. On the surface one of the most admired kids in our community.
The other side is - everything anyone does or says - goes into his mental process "How will this affect me?" Myself and my little girl - his younger sister are very affectionate people- my son can't be touched. At home he likes to think he is able to judge and criticize the both of us. He's almost always proven to be wrong .. but then does it again.
He flies in last night -and we have only seen him a week in the past 4 months ( I have custody and he was in a special program for superkids) and at the airport, instead of hugs -he criticized which car we brought- why we didnt call ( we did he lost his cell phone and was using moms) and everything else he could think of.
I know most parents have what seems to be way more serious issues but this is serious to me.
Here's the real question - Is there something I as a parent have done that have made him almost cold on the interior? What makes children grow up this way? Is there a way to change this?
You let him go away for 4-5 months to take part in super-kid programs where he has it pounded into his head he is some elite uber teen. I suggest you work to teach him some humility.
Ok thanks but let me clear something up- he was like this before he went. As for the program- only 30 16 yr olds in the US get to go - and he was judged by a variety of standards #1 in Texas. It wasn't like I got rid of him for a while. He also received pay while in school at $21,972 . I can't name the program itself. There were thousands of other applicants.
So the 4 months really didn't seem to change him -its just that I noticed it so much more clearly when it was the first thing out of his mouth.
Ok thanks but let me clear something up- he was like this before he went. As for the program- only 30 16 yr olds in the US get to go - and he was judged by a variety of standards #1 in Texas. It wasn't like I got rid of him for a while. He also received pay while in school at $21,972 . I can't name the program itself. There were thousands of other applicants.
So the 4 months really didn't seem to change him -its just that I noticed it so much more clearly when it was the first thing out of his mouth.
Maybe he has some doubts about how long he can keep performing at such a high level? It's often very stressful, having to constantly set new records and outdo your previous best. Maybe he feels one day he'll fail to measure up either to his own standards/expectations or yours? Might be worth talking to him with that in mind.
Maybe he has some doubts about how long he can keep performing at such a high level? It's often very stressful, having to constantly set new records and outdo your previous best. Maybe he feels one day he'll fail to measure up either to his own standards/expectations or yours? Might be worth talking to him with that in mind.
Good points...
I would add though, it is kinda sounding like he has been treated as "special" his whole life and of course at 16, he believes it. Maybe it's time to spend as much time and effort cultivating other things besides his academic status? A very smart person is not in and of himself a benefit to society just because he exists but a very smart person, who is also thoughtful and compassionate can be a huge benefit not to mention a much happier and more pleasant person to be around (in work and in life). You would be doing him a huge service by working on that aspect of life for awhile I would think. Best of luck.
Nothing is more self-centered than a teenager. Some are more so than others. I have a 19 year old who could be your son's twin brother. We noticed the change in his sophomore year. My 17 year old daughter does not seem to be infected with this virus as much.
I saw my siblings go through this with their kids. They outgrow it. Stay calm. Laugh a lot. But above all DO NOT LOSE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR.
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We noticed the change in his sophomore year. My 17 year old daughter does not seem to be infected with this virus as much.
