Are you a parent first, of friend to your child(ren)? (method, teaching)

[HookTheBrotherUp]

Another thread in another forum got me thinking about children, and I wondered what most think of their relationship with their children and whether one strives to be a friend to their children, or someone like me and my wife, strictly parents?

Not that we are not friendly, of course we are, and that comes with being a parent, so why do some strive to be on a plane of friendship than that of a parent?

Maybe I'm not wording it correctly, but I think you get my point. How do you view your children, child, or 'friend'?

[NoLoveLost]

Originally Posted by HookTheBrotherUp

Another thread in another forum got me thinking about children, and I wondered what most think of their relationship with their children and whether one strives to be a friend to their children, or someone like me and my wife, strictly parents?

Not that we are not friendly, of course we are, and that comes with being a parent, so why do some strive to be on a plane of friendship than that of a parent?

Maybe I'm not wording it correctly, but I think you get my point. How do you view your children, child, or 'friend'?

Well, my kids have a disability, but regardless, they would be my kids. Period. I'm not here to pal around with them, I am here to help them have a quality life.

yes, I love them, but we aren't "buddies" they are my kids......

[njkate]

When my kids were growing up hubbie & I were the PARENTS, they already had friends and needed someone to set guidelines and enforce them...make sure they grew up to be productive adults

Now that they have all grown in to productive adults I'm happy to say we are friends as well as parent/child.

IMO that's the problem today to many parents trying to be the "cool friend" and not parenting

[ADVentive]

I don't really think they have to be mutually exclusive.

[Nelly Nomad]

I know it's generally an unpopular stance, but I am most definitely a friend to my son. Obviously, I'm his parent, too, with all that entails. Teaching, mentoring, guiding, advocating and so forth. But I'm extremely proud of the fact that we are also friends who love and respect one another. He is (and always has been) the kind of person I'd be honored to associate with, even if we weren't related.

Before anyone gets upset that I left the word "discipline" off my list, please understand that I combine "teaching" with "discipline". In addition, we do not equate "discipline" with "punishment" as so many people do. Our goal with "discipline" was to help him ultimately learn self-discipline.

He is 18 now and our friendship is stronger than ever. To me, that is the ultimate signal that I've done my job as a parent well.

[NCyank]

Right now a parent. As they get older and become responsible for themselves (grown ups) I expect the relationship will lean more towards friendship. Honestly, there are moments, days in these teen years when if we were friends the relationship would end. I don't waste my time on friends who need mothering...but as a mother I happily raise my children to become independent adults. I don't expect to spend time teaching or disciplining my friends. I don't correct my friends or set curfews or make them eat vegetables or .....

I think there is a time for friendship in the parent-child relationship and we're just not there yet. That's not to say we don't respect each other or enjoy each others company but it's not the same as a straight up friendship relationship.

[Cav Scout wife]

I am both. You can't be an effective parent if you aren't a friend to your child as well.

Make no mistake, we both know there is a difference in parent mode, and buddy mode; and she doesn't push the bounds.

We have done well in raising our daughter, so I have to say our method is successful so far.

[Mr Yuk]

Originally Posted by Cav Scout wife

I am both. You can't be an effective parent if you aren't a friend to your child as well.

Make no mistake, we both know there is a difference in parent mode, and buddy mode; and she doesn't push the bounds.

We have done well in raising our daughter, so I have to say our method is successful so far.

I was just about to type pretty much exactly what you said. I believe being a friend to your child is essential in being a good parent.

[Mr Yuk]

Originally Posted by njkate

IMO that's the problem today to many parents trying to be the "cool friend" and not parenting

You can set boundaries/consequences and be a parent, while also being a friend. My sons and I are "best buddies" as I always tell them. We have lots of fun together, but that does not stop me from putting my foot down and being a parent as well.

[33458]

Parent now...possibly friend much later.

Mo calls me her 'best friend' but that will change as she meets more children. (We TALK, hang out together, make crafts, play, sing songs...)
But to be sure, I don't hear that coming from her mouth when I'm being 'bossy' aka MOM.