how much time is spent dealing with kids education (method, teens, teaching)

[emailvasally]

this is half venting and half questioning. I was thinking today how much time I have been spending lately on my 13 yo dd education. She is in the 7th grade and she let her grades slip big time the first semester, so this last 2 months I have been really paying attention to every detail. does everyone else keep in close contact with each individual teacher, all grades, websites, homework, stuff in binders, and making sure extra work/studying is done to stay get ahead/stay on track? I got kind of lazy because I was use to an old school system and didnt realize the new one was so different. I have found out many teachers, counselors, and other parents seem to reward just getting by. Are they like that most places? Here, if the kid is getting a 75-80 they are considered doing good. the teachers dont push them and even congratulate them on their good work. I understand if it is a kid that cant do better, but what about the ones that can, but just dont care? most teens dont have self motivation. for instance.. we have an accelerated reader program. its not accelerated. every kid does it and has a test to determine their level. My dd scored at the beginning of 7th grade with an 8.5. they gave her a range to read in, the range is 5.4-8.9. the books she read through almost half the yr were in the range of 5.9 - 6.3. she gets a 100 on almost all of the test and the teacher congratulates her and tells her how fantastic she is doing and never tells her to up the level. anyway that is taken care of but it took several emails and 2 conferences for the teacher to change her level to 7.1-8.9.
anyway.. I am just frustrated and wonder how parents that work full time and have 2-3 middle school kids do it. This is a part time job in itself. without the time spent on the youngest's education!

[twins4lynn]

I have two middle schoolers (twins in 8th grade). I do not micromanage their homework. I communicate with my kids as to whether they have homework, how they’re doing (i.e. do they need help, tuitoring, or having no problems at all) and question them to try to determine how they jive with the teaching methods their individual teachers use. I question them on any assignment where they don’t do well to determine what happened and if it’s just a one time thing (and if they in fact do know the work or if there is a problem, and if there is a problem how it's going to be resolved). I only contact a teacher if there is a specific reason to do so (and actually my children prefer that they contact their teachers when problems or questions arise, and I let them take the lead, but I will occasionally send a back-up e-mail to the teacher confirming discussions that take place with the teacher that are initiated my kids).

Here, a 75-80% is a C (and coming from a pushy school district, it’s considered a low grade).

[maciesmom]

First off, Accelerated Reader is NOT a program for accelerated readers....odd, I know. Our school system uses it and the teachers get rated on how many books the kids read etc.. When DS was in 6th grade, I had a very blunt discussion with the teacher (who we had other problems with but that's another story) because DS had chosen to read a Harry Potter book (one of the really long ones) which was "above" his level and it was going to take him most of the semester to read it (DS is not a fast or avid reader). She preferred him to read 3 or 4 lower level books and get numerous scores (because it looked better in the classroom reports) because, the book he chose wasn't going to gain him enough points for the semester. I have a reluctant reader - I personally was happy he was reading AT ALL and was very encouraged that he chose a long book above his reading level. I explained to her that I was more concerned with his lifetime progress and that he was willing to pick up a long and difficult (for him) book and finish it. That was more important to me that her classroom goals,....sorry for going off track a bit there....I have never really had to manage either of my kid's homework other than the occasional question regarding is your homework done, what about that project etc...I don't go through planners or bookbags - they have got to be responsible. I do go to conferences and check the parent website occasionally to make sure there isn't something I need to question (ie "what's with the math grade?") etc.

[charz]

My children are younger, so I can't answer the "how much time do you spend" question. As a high school teacher, I will tell you this: studies show that a student's success in school is directly related to parental involvement. Some students need a little supervision, and other kids need a lot of involvement in order to be successful. Right now, your daughter needs a lot of involvement in order for her to be successful. If you stick to your guns, her work skills may become more intrinsic and you can tone down the supervision. It sounds like you are doing great. My biggest source of heartbreak and frustration is when a student says, "My parents don't care what grade I get. Why should I?"

[cdc3217]

My kids are still in elementary school, I often forget to check their planners, but the teachers don't leave me notes there when I do look. I often feel guilty when I hear all the deeply probing questions that other parents ask their children's teachers. ("Is Sam processing his lessons?")

I guess at conferences we did talk about the one area my son is most challenged in, and talked about ways to help him, but there are a lot of situations where his work is done in school - I can't control that part.

I guess when there is an area of concern it can be time-intense, but otherwise, it seems to me that the work belongs to the kids, and as long as you're there to provide structure and help and listen, that's what a parent is supposed to do.

[NCyank]

In middle school the students need to learn how to do most of what you describe themselves. You need to be teaching her how to keep on top of these things herself, writing down assignments, packing her own binders and keeping them organized.

However, you must also consider that each student is different, some requiring more help than others at this age. When mine were in 7th grade we had to do some checks with DS, give him some additional tools to make sure he was handling everything, had 3 parent teacher meetings, exchanged a dozen or so e-mails and phone calls throughout the year but it wasn't a daily thing. Now in high school we have much less interaction and expect him to handle most things, getting help from us only as needed.

With DD in 7th grade I never spoke to her teachers outside of parent night, she kept up with her own work, she was organized and a good manager of her time. Her grades reflected that she was doing her best work and there was no need for us to be involved more directly. Yes, we talked to her about school and how things were going, read progress reports and report cards but I never checked her binders or read her agenda or anything like that.

The idea is that you should be spending more time teaching your DD to manage for herself rather than actually managing this stuff for her. Have her check the website. Have her keep a log of all assignments, when they are returned and the grade received that way she always knows her status and you can see it without going to each of the teachers. Give her the instruction and tools she will need to manage it on her own with you as an overseer rather than being directly involved.

[StayatHome]

Whenever they need help with their homework after school...we can spend up to 2-4 hours working on it together

[emailvasally]

Originally Posted by charz

My children are younger, so I can't answer the "how much time do you spend" question. As a high school teacher, I will tell you this: studies show that a student's success in school is directly related to parental involvement. Some students need a little supervision, and other kids need a lot of involvement in order to be successful. Right now, your daughter needs a lot of involvement in order for her to be successful. If you stick to your guns, her work skills may become more intrinsic and you can tone down the supervision. It sounds like you are doing great. My biggest source of heartbreak and frustration is when a student says, "My parents don't care what grade I get. Why should I?"

apparently the teachers here get that a lot too. they are used to a lot of involvment with the younger kids (k-3) but not older. Thank you, that makes me feel better coming from a teacher. Her math teacher called me yesterday and said something similar. I am hoping next yr I will not have to be so involved.

[emailvasally]

Originally Posted by NCyank

In middle school the students need to learn how to do most of what you describe themselves. You need to be teaching her how to keep on top of these things herself, writing down assignments, packing her own binders and keeping them organized.

However, you must also consider that each student is different, some requiring more help than others at this age. When mine were in 7th grade we had to do some checks with DS, give him some additional tools to make sure he was handling everything, had 3 parent teacher meetings, exchanged a dozen or so e-mails and phone calls throughout the year but it wasn't a daily thing. Now in high school we have much less interaction and expect him to handle most things, getting help from us only as needed.

With DD in 7th grade I never spoke to her teachers outside of parent night, she kept up with her own work, she was organized and a good manager of her time. Her grades reflected that she was doing her best work and there was no need for us to be involved more directly. Yes, we talked to her about school and how things were going, read progress reports and report cards but I never checked her binders or read her agenda or anything like that.

The idea is that you should be spending more time teaching your DD to manage for herself rather than actually managing this stuff for her. Have her check the website. Have her keep a log of all assignments, when they are returned and the grade received that way she always knows her status and you can see it without going to each of the teachers. Give her the instruction and tools she will need to manage it on her own with you as an overseer rather than being directly involved.

I basically did this before. she never had any problems until this yr going into middleschool. I dont pack her stuff or organize it. 1-2 x per week I go through her bag with her there and I show her what she is doing wrong/right with organization. I also make her talk to her teachers on her own, and she is responsible for having a piece of paper signed each time she goes in for tutoring or extra instruction. I just dont want her to fall behind or not fully get used to being organized and keeping things together. next yr her grades will really count and I am hoping we will be done with this stage. I think part of the big problem though is that I can talk and teach til i'm blue in the face, but if teachers, staff, and other parents are not saying similar things it makes my job much harder.
Our school has a very low rate of drugs, alcohol, and violence; and a very high rate of graduation which is nice. My main concern which really effects her (but wont my youngest) is that the kids that are average and above average without good self motivation are being left behind. If you are behind they give you everything in the world to help. If your way above average and motivate yourself they have tutoring classes where you can learn new stuff, but no classes for honors, gt, etc. and of course if you are not motivated on your own their is no reason to do so much extra. As long as you pass the TAKS test, and have a D you are pretty much ignored.

[TouchOfWhimsy]

I homeschool my younger children, so I don't have the experience of dealing with a teenager and a school, but I do remember being that age. I did the bare minimum to get As and Bs, but even 15-20 years ago, I was not being challenged in school, and was pretty much bored silly. As far as thinking that a 75% on a paper is good... if my son gets one problem wrong on his math work, I go over the problem with him, make sure that he understands, and usually have him do one or more similar problems to make sure he really gets what's going on. I remember being in school and getting an 80, which is "good," but the 20% of the questions that I got wrong, I never was told how to do them, encouraged to re-do them, etc.

Teachers do what they can, but with 20-30 kids in each class, they can't possibly spend the time with each child to make sure that they know what they got wrong and why. Getting even a 90% still means that they might not have understood 10% of the work. If there were only 10 problems, and they were all different types of problems, then getting one or two wrong will still give them a decent grade, but they may be missing important concepts.

I agree that parental involvement is key to make sure that she has understanding. As far as getting her homework done, though, that should be her responsibility. By 7th grade she probably has a group of friends that she would be very sad to not see on weekends, so if the penalty for not getting homework done during the week was to do it all weekend and miss seeing her friends, that might have an impact. Or, if it's not done on a nightly basis, then no tv/telephone that night. If your child goes to school, then with very few exceptions, homework is non-negotiable. (I personally abhor the idea of homework... after the school has had them for 7 hours, do they really need to spend additional hours doing repetitive practice work? But I digress... if that's what's expected, and you accept it, then that's the way it is.) As far as extra credit, I'd leave that in her hands and let her decide whether she should do it or not... let her know what grades are acceptable, and if she's skating on the line between a B and a C, for example, encourage her to do the extra work. A child with a solid B+ or A average, though, probably does not need to spend even more time doing even more busywork for a few extra points.