Both parents stay at home full time (daycare, SAHM, baby)

[Wellness]

Is it beneficial for our young children for us to be stay at home parents who are toddlers.
Should we send then to daycare where they can be socialized
and get more educated?
What are the benefits of being with our children 24/7?
Thank you.

[Nelly Nomad]

As a SAHM, I spent MOST of my time with my child when he was a toddler, but not 24/7. I think that would be unhealthy for the child(ren) and for the parents. Spending time apart helps the child(ren) learn about separation, self-reliance and how to seek help from others when needed.

As a SAHM, I did not find daycare attractive, but I found many other ways to start practicing away-ness. We joined a local SAHM club. We attended many Mommy-and-Me and Gymboree classes. We did a lot of playdates at our home and at the homes of others. When we first started those, both moms would stay. Eventually, we worked it so one mom would leave. That helped the children learned how to interact with and trust other adults and children.

I think you're right to look into ways to have your children learn that the the world is bigger than just your little family. Not sure daycare is the way to go, though.

I'm curious -- how can you BOTH be at home 24/7? Sweet deal!

[33458]

I think it depends on each individual family and how you interact...my circumstances were anything but normal.

I adopted a child who had already spent her short life in an institution and have some developmental scars to show for it, so when we all returned as a family, I was 24/7...for THREE years. This went a bit beyond typical SAHM, as I became entrenched in her development. The first year...was rough.
Husband could not work from home, but ideally, it would have helped immensely to have both parents there. I could have used a break once in a while.

I wished to raise a strong, independent child but we had a severe post-institutional separation anxiety, bizarre physical behaviors, emotional imbalance and proper bonding to work through - not the usual apron-string variety...and by weighing my options I decided to try avoiding sending her to therapy later by almost putting myself in that chair now. (Only half kidding.)

By the third year we'd gotten to the point where I could leave her for a short while with my mother and she would break away to participate in group activities at My Gym or dance class. That was also the year she had her first stint with an evening babysitter. What most consider routine was a huge milestone in this house.

Before you freak and think I've screwed up my kid, let me tell you that she just turned 5, is in Pre-K (birthday cut-off) and has adjusted to the point where she functions just like every other child we know - no abnormal issues. Loves school and being with others. Learning level is age-appropriate with some faltering and some exceptional abilities. No longer joined at the hip but solid. And Mama can breath again.

Whew...

[Nelly Nomad]

Originally Posted by 33458

I think it depends on each individual family and how you interact...my circumstances were anything but normal.

I adopted a child who had already spent her short life in an institution and have some developmental scars to show for it, so when we all returned as a family, I was 24/7...for THREE years. This went a bit beyond typical SAHM, as I became entrenched in her development. The first year...was rough.
Husband could not work from home, but ideally, it would have helped immensely to have both parents there. I could have used a break once in a while.

I wished to raise a strong, independent child but we had a severe post-institutional separation anxiety, bizarre physical behaviors, emotional imbalance and proper bonding to work through - not the usual apron-string variety...and by weighing my options I decided to try avoiding sending her to therapy later by almost putting myself in that chair now. (Only half kidding.)

By the third year we'd gotten to the point where I could leave her for a short while with my mother and she would break away to participate in group activities at My Gym or dance class. That was also the year she had her first stint with an evening babysitter. What most consider routine was a huge milestone in this house.

Before you freak and think I've screwed up my kid, let me tell you that she just turned 5, is in Pre-K (birthday cut-off) and has adjusted to the point where she functions just like every other child we know - no abnormal issues. Loves school and being with others. Learning level is age-appropriate with some faltering and some exceptional abilities. No longer joined at the hip but solid. And Mama can breath again.

Whew...

Your story is inspirational and it sounds as if you've done everything right. Given your precious little one's rocky start, you had a lot of ground to make up and you stepped up and did admirably. Well done and keep up the good work!

[33458]

My reward is the happy little girl I have today. She's well-adjusted and HEY - I'm still sane!

(I guess it's like childbirth...it doesn't hurt as much a few years down the line...)

[afoigrokerkok]

If BOTH stay at home full time, I don't know if this would work financially. If your financial situation allows for this, I think it's great while the kid is a toddler. At the same time, even a toddler should have SOME time with other kids their own age.

[rkb0305]

Instead of daycare, why not find a play group, preschool, or mom's day out program?

[nuala]

Originally Posted by Wellness

Is it beneficial for our young children for us to be stay at home parents who are toddlers.
Should we send then to daycare where they can be socialized
and get more educated?
What are the benefits of being with our children 24/7?
Thank you.

Depends on the kids - and the parents.

Let's take care of the economics first. We are very unusual as we are almost always together, the 4 of us. The reason is - my husband has a business out of the house, and I have been SAHM so far but with the kids getting bigger I'm starting my own business - out of home, too.

We are trying to become self-sufficient (and in the large part we are) as far as providing for ourselves, as much as we can, with own food, and making income from own businesses. It sure is a nice feeling when you are not interested in your local paper's Saturday's employment section .

I can see another situation when a family can be living on welfare, that's 24/7 being with kids, too.

I personally did not feel that my kids needed daycare (one is 5 now and goes to school and the other is 4).

Partly, because they are close in age and cannot imagine not having a playmate at all.

Partly, because of their social nature that makes them feel like fish in water in any crowd. A dream come true for my kids (and the dreaded scenario for some people) is leaving them in a roomful of strangers (esp. for my daughter). By the end of the day she will have a roomful of friends.

Had they been any less social I would be looking for opportunities to socialize them. They did go to playgroups, and my daughter went to a pre-school (2 hours x 2 days a week). She was glad to go there, but as far as social training she didn't really need that (because she made friends at the drop of the hat). She was glad to be making more crafts but I questioned if crafts alone justified all the driving and the cost.

Now as she's making her first year at school, still eagerly anticipating every school day, and seeing that her pre-K is very gentle and pre-school-like, I don't see the need for my son to be attending pre-school. (Some pre-K are stricter and more grade school-like, but ours has the old-fashioned gentle approach).

Every summer, wherever they go - beaches, outings, a new family settles nearby for a few weeks of vacations - they make friends with kids.

If the kids are social like this, I don't see the need for a daycare.

For my part, I provide them with opportunities to make crafts, paint, build toy cars, plant a garden, observe wildlife - and attend museums and discovery centers. If one or two parents stay at home 24/7, surely they can educate in various ways without delegating it to a formal daycare.

It does cross my mind how will this departure from the traditional scheme - Mom and Dad leaving every morning and coming back in the evening - influence them?

But so far, they are well-rounded, they don't lack in love, and they have never known those cranky mornings when they'd be just under the weather yet still must go to a daycare .