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Old 02-17-2009, 04:46 PM
 
Location: Out of the frying pan....
151 posts, read 645,929 times
Reputation: 129

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My children (one little guy and 3 teens) have learned at an early age that the purpose for dating is for finding a mate. Period. Dating doesn't begin until MY SON can pay for the date, etc. That's not Mommy or Daddy's "job."

That being said, I know that little crushes begin in earnst in middle school, but we remain very involved in our kids' lives and have often discussed some of these "break ups" and "making out" (and MORE) that are happening around them in school. There is just an understanding that some of these kids are getting it all started waaaaaaay too early.

I don't know.....we're just of the mindset to let kids be kids for as long as possible. It is NOT cute to have a little girlfriend in elementary school, and it is NOT cute for them to be having oral sex in Middle school, and it is NOT cute when someone "gets" pregnant in high school. I agree with the above poster.....it is a one way street, and it just depends on when they get on that road.
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Old 02-17-2009, 04:47 PM
 
Location: Out of the frying pan....
151 posts, read 645,929 times
Reputation: 129
Quote:
I got friends who lost their virginity around 12 years old, and they turned out just fine.
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Old 02-17-2009, 05:12 PM
 
Location: NE Oklahoma
1,036 posts, read 2,455,975 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrs.coach View Post


My thoughts exactly...
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Old 02-17-2009, 05:18 PM
 
Location: Texas
14,830 posts, read 12,854,508 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by okpondlady View Post
My thoughts exactly...
Mine too
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Old 02-18-2009, 05:19 AM
 
Location: Stockholm, Sweden
58 posts, read 118,872 times
Reputation: 27
Well they did turn out just fine, when I think about it, they are the ones with jobs /taking college courses, live in their own apartments etc, in contrast to many others who still live with parents and still try to be "neighborhood gangstahs", are unemployed, etc.
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Old 02-18-2009, 08:50 AM
 
Location: lumberton, texas
652 posts, read 2,330,623 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hypocore View Post
I've raised two daughters to adulthood and my third is currently in 5th grade and I have a son in Kindergarten. There's an understanding in my house that has been an ongoing process of what's appropriate and when, that's guided by certain philosophies.

I fully believe that there is a basic order of steps taken to reach the time of relationships and that the earlier those steps are taken - the earlier those relationships tend to begin. Therefore I choose to delay many of those steps in many ways. So, boyfriends in 5th grade.....nope.

For instance, I don't encourage nor participate in comments regarding things like kindergarteners looking sexy, looking cute together or getting married when they grow up like many of the parents of the other kids in my son's class. My son will reply 'I'm too young for that!" to anyone who asks if he'll be their boyfriend or marry them and promptly roll his eyes. haha

I also don't encourage nor actively support activities that I think are too old for elementary age kids, such as dances, wearing makeup, dating or dressing 'sexy'. My kids simply learn to believe that's too young for them personally and that even if others do it, it doesn't mean they should want to do the same.

I'd just prefer to get my kids to their mid/late teen years before they are faced with having to make personal decisions regarding relationships. So far, everyone has kept to that time line......
I totally agree with this. One of societies main problems is that to many people think this behavior is cute and encourage it.
with that being said... I do disagree with the dance thing. we use to camp a lot where they had a dance/dj every weekend. also went to a couple of elementary school dances. My dd loved it. I believe it helped her socially,coordination, and just having fun with the family. she was not allowd to slowdance with anyone beside myself or her father. at the school all they did was older fast dancing and line dancing ( I made sure of that b4 we went). she is in the 7th grade and just went to her first real dance.
Also, what I did with her was pretty simple. lines of communication were always open. she knew in the 5th grade having a "boyfriend" was off limits. last yr she asked me if she could have one and we got into the discussion of what it meant. she thought kissing was disgusting and said they may hold hands. We have talked about it a couple of times this yr. (13) She had her
1st kiss a couple of months ago and when I asked about "french kissing" she was totally grossed out.
anyway to make a long story short at 13 I just now told her that she could go somewhere with a group of people and my supervision (to many other parents dont pay attention). I do not allow her to wear shorts with writing on the butt, tiny bekinis, or anything else provocative.

I could not imagine letting an 11 yo go on anytype of date.
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Old 02-18-2009, 09:08 AM
 
Location: Texas
14,830 posts, read 12,854,508 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dlineerik View Post
Well they did turn out just fine, when I think about it, they are the ones with jobs /taking college courses, live in their own apartments etc, in contrast to many others who still live with parents and still try to be "neighborhood gangstahs", are unemployed, etc.
They probably also have distorted views regarding sex.
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Old 02-18-2009, 11:40 AM
 
5,922 posts, read 12,080,747 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrs.coach View Post
That being said, I know that little crushes begin in earnest in middle school
Crushes begin in many kids way before middle school. My sister had a crush on a grown man when she was only 5. I had my first crush in 5th grade. Of course, he was Johnny Depp. My oldest son, now 13, had his first crush in Kindergarten. We made 30 homemade Valentine's to pass out on Valentine's Day during his class party, and came home with 29 of them. When I asked why he only passed out one, he turned bright red and told me he only wanted to give one to the little girl he had a crush on. He also would hold hands with her during recess and would get defensive when other boys would come around on the playground. They were like best friends for several months, and then feelings changed, as they do with young kids, and they both moved on. He still hasn't ever had a real girlfriend. By "real" I mean a real dating type scenerio where they go on dates or do things outside of school or away from parents. He's had about 4 crushes total over the years. He's always been pretty picky. He seems to like the smart, quiet, avid reader types who dress in modest clothing as opposed to the too tight, too short clothing that so many girls wear now. I'm very happy for this!! In fact, he says to me, "Mom - I hate it that all the girls wear those shorty-short skirts and the tighty-tight tops... it's gross." He says they all look like sluts. He says he almost barfs when they sit down in their too-tight jeans that are too low and he has to stare at underwear all day. I feel bad for him. It's sad that things are that way, and that he has to be around that kinds of stuff.. but when he says stuff like that, I feel relieved. Phew!!

In middle school, now, he has a crush on a girl but she already has a "real" boyfriend, so he is just OK just being her friend. He told me that if she didn't have a boyfriend, that he would like to invite her out to go hang out at Starbuck's after school sometime. She is a really nice girl, we know her family. She wears good, modest sorts of clothing and does really well in school. I feel good knowing that my son has good taste, and is attracted to good choices. This is helping us to deal with this tricky time.
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Old 02-18-2009, 01:04 PM
 
Location: CITY OF ANGELS AND CONSTANT DANGER
5,409 posts, read 10,593,517 times
Reputation: 2227
5th grade? we started at least in 4th grade. holding hands. necking. 7 seconds of heaven. spin the bottle.

looking back we were pretty "mature". whether tht has to do with being young and hormonal or being in urban environments, who knows.

but i along with my peers were exposed to many things before we needed to be. sex, guns, drugs, violence.
its scary thinking about my 8 y/o. the other week he told me that a boy likes some girl in his class. a girl on his 3-man bkball team. "does the girl like him back" i asked. "no, she likes basketball and flaming hot cheetos, but not hassin"
i then asked about his best firend. "he likes miriam, but she doesnt like him. she like me." wow. i told him he was too young for that stuff (3rd gd.) and that best friends are better than girlfriends.
its true.

best friends and basketball are better than girlfirends for now.

i think this is the begining of the BF/GF stage.
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Old 02-18-2009, 08:54 PM
 
Location: Land of 10000 Lakes +
5,554 posts, read 5,601,228 times
Reputation: 8550
[quote=dlineerik;7500695]Nothing to worry about, it's not like they're gonna take the bus to vegas and get married...
I got friends who lost their virginity around 12 years old, and they turned out just fine.[/quot

They were lucky with diseases and pregnancy.
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