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Old 02-14-2009, 09:31 PM
 
Location: Royal Palm Beach, FL.
63 posts, read 70,382 times
Reputation: 33

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Ever heard of this? My 11 yo apparently has a "boyfriend" (not sure if it's an actual boyfriend or just they both like each other) and I'm really not sure what to think of it.. most of her friends also have a one. I read her AIM profile and it says stuff along the lines of ''Oh "George", we are going to be forever". Most of her friend's profiles also say things along those lines.

Where should I draw the lines on this? My husband and I talked about it and she definatley will not be allowed to exclusivley date.. but we're not sure whether we should allow her to go to the movies (or wherever) with her ''boyfriend'' plus her friends and their boyfriends. The boy is in her class at school and they've known each other since kindergarden, I am friendly with his mom, and the few times I've talked to him he's seemed like a pretty nice kid.. but of course you know how kids can be.. act one way around adults and act very different around kids their ages. I also don't want her heart to be broken if this boy starts to like someone else.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!
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Old 02-14-2009, 10:11 PM
 
Location: Waxhaw
264 posts, read 725,445 times
Reputation: 79
I am going through this with my 3rd grader. Have you asked her what exactly a "boyfriend" is? So far in 3rd they just like each other and sit together. I remember in 6th grade they would walk home together, hold hands, and kiss. Mostly it was always some sort of drama that involved everyone in the class. He said, she said etc....
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Old 02-14-2009, 11:18 PM
 
7,065 posts, read 2,634,965 times
Reputation: 3261
When I was that age some of my schoolmates had b/fs and g/fs. I don't think they ever went to any movies or anything like that. Just mainly held hands.
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Old 02-14-2009, 11:24 PM
 
Location: Denver area
20,338 posts, read 20,350,827 times
Reputation: 31710
Personally, I think 5th grade is young for actually "going out" at all....at that age, bf/gf should be mainly just playground drama at school. I can't remember what our rule was for DD - I don't remember it really coming up until later. I remember going to the movies with groups of friends (mixed boys/girls) in jr. high. I think real "dates" should be in HS but that's just me.
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Old 02-15-2009, 12:24 AM
 
6 posts, read 20,804 times
Reputation: 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by twinsts71 View Post
Ever heard of this? My 11 yo apparently has a "boyfriend" (not sure if it's an actual boyfriend or just they both like each other) and I'm really not sure what to think of it.. most of her friends also have a one. I read her AIM profile and it says stuff along the lines of ''Oh "George", we are going to be forever". Most of her friend's profiles also say things along those lines.

Where should I draw the lines on this? My husband and I talked about it and she definatley will not be allowed to exclusivley date.. but we're not sure whether we should allow her to go to the movies (or wherever) with her ''boyfriend'' plus her friends and their boyfriends. The boy is in her class at school and they've known each other since kindergarden, I am friendly with his mom, and the few times I've talked to him he's seemed like a pretty nice kid.. but of course you know how kids can be.. act one way around adults and act very different around kids their ages. I also don't want her heart to be broken if this boy starts to like someone else.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!
As a parent I can relate! The first thing you want to do is scream but, they can not see you. My outcome - I was fixing my bed and he was helping me on the other side of the bed, when the questions came up. I asked him how he felt, did he like her as a friend or he wanted to have a serious relationship with her. If he wanted to take her out he needed a job, I kept asking so many different questions by the time we were done.
He was no longer interested in dating my questions opened his mind and he realized it's tough dating. My suggestion would be to have an open relationship with your child so she can come to you with open arms. Sometimes she will ask you things out of this world. Your husband needs to show her that he cares about her and that she is his most precious thing to him and he doesn't want anyone to hurt her. Parenting did not come with a guide, I wish it did but, an open communication with your kids it's the most important thing. You will know what questions to ask her and one thing you can do is maybe have a movie night where all the girls and the boys can come to your house. This would be the perfect time to see how they interact with one another. Just an idea.
Good Luck!
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Old 02-15-2009, 09:05 AM
 
11,511 posts, read 18,463,396 times
Reputation: 11753
My son had a "girlfriend" in 5th grade. It really didn't mean much except that they sat together at lunch and they talked on the phone. He bought her a flower for the end of year event in 5th grade. I would leave it alone.
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Old 02-15-2009, 10:51 AM
 
Location: Denver area
20,338 posts, read 20,350,827 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
My son had a "girlfriend" in 5th grade. It really didn't mean much except that they sat together at lunch and they talked on the phone. He bought her a flower for the end of year event in 5th grade. I would leave it alone.
That is what I would consider "playground drama" - that is pretty routine I think but you would be surprised at some of the things that go on and that some parents allow. DD had a classmate who, in 5th grade, had a valentine's party at her house...."couples only"...the parents took pictures of the "couples" sitting in the hot tub together....can I just say "ew"? She did have friends who dated (one on one actual dates) in 5th grade. DS had a classmate who ran up her cell phone bill texting 5000 messages in one month to her "boyfriend"....Keep talking with your DD to find out (not drilling just talking) what is going on with her and her friends. It is most likely nothing much but it's a good time to start being more aware of what is going on in her group of friends.....
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Old 02-15-2009, 10:56 AM
 
Location: Texas
14,828 posts, read 12,846,731 times
Reputation: 4364
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
That is what I would consider "playground drama" - that is pretty routine I think but you would be surprised at some of the things that go on and that some parents allow. DD had a classmate who, in 5th grade, had a valentine's party at her house...."couples only"...the parents took pictures of the "couples" sitting in the hot tub together....can I just say "ew"? She did have friends who dated (one on one actual dates) in 5th grade. DS had a classmate who ran up her cell phone bill texting 5000 messages in one month to her "boyfriend"....Keep talking with your DD to find out (not drilling just talking) what is going on with her and her friends. It is most likely nothing much but it's a good time to start being more aware of what is going on in her group of friends.....
I think this type of stuff promotes the behavior discussed on the thread about the 13 yo dad. All I can say is that I STRONGLY believe that middle schools should be single-sex.
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Old 02-15-2009, 11:12 AM
 
Location: Denver area
20,338 posts, read 20,350,827 times
Reputation: 31710
Needless to say my DD was not invited to the valentine's party (nor would she have been allowed to attend). I'm just saying stuff like that starts going on and some parents support it and think it's "cute" so it's time to get those antennae up! It's important not to overreact but just be aware. Keep the lines of communication open - it's a minefield out there. Oh, and thinking that single-sex or religious schools will inhibit that behavior is just wishful thinking. Clever, hormone-crazed teens find ways to do things - so actual "parenting" is still required.

Last edited by maciesmom; 02-15-2009 at 11:30 AM.. Reason: sp
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Old 02-15-2009, 11:23 AM
 
Location: SF Bay Area
1,282 posts, read 2,107,179 times
Reputation: 1383
My son had a girlfriend in 4th and 5th grade (same girl). He hung around with her a bit at lunch in 4th grade, but not in 5th. They didn't hold hands or anything like that (but I think they did kiss once in 5th grade). Her parents would invite ds on day trips with their family on occasion (but they never went out alone anywhere), and they'd give each other gifts for christmas, birthday and valentine. He broke up with her in 6th grade.
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