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Old 02-18-2009, 12:23 PM
 
1,425 posts, read 3,641,441 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by regarese View Post
I think 8 is too old too, especially if she responds to the other forms of discipline. Can you and dad talk to the mom about why she is spanking now? Don't know how that conversation would go, but it doesn't seem unreasonable that her father would ask, "So how come she needed to be punished?"
We would like to take this approach, but DSD is afraid of us bringing this up to her momma. DSD acknowledges she should have been punished.... she was smarting off at her momma. We do not condone disrespect. If this had happened with us, we would have punished her, not by spanking, but punished none the less.
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Old 02-18-2009, 12:26 PM
 
1,425 posts, read 3,641,441 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pitt_transplant View Post
8 is way too old...She could be starting her period next year for heavens sakes...I think that says it all.

PLEASE OH PLEASE NOOOOOOOOO!!!!
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Old 02-18-2009, 12:28 PM
 
Location: chicagoland
1,636 posts, read 3,744,944 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GypsySoul22 View Post
Add another for 'at birth.'

There are far better ways to 'deal with' children...spanking...sorry, not an option.

Like I said before, teachers have kids in their classes and are not allowed to spank or touch them but must guide and teach them...why should parents get to???

How many votes for "at birth?"

Well, add another
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Old 02-18-2009, 12:36 PM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,174 posts, read 23,211,765 times
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So for all you non-spankers who think swatting a 2 year old on the butt is the equivilent to poking needles in kitten's eyeballs, exactly how do you discipline children at this age? Because from I see, too many kids seem flat out undisciplined these days. The earlier you teach your children self control, the easier life will be for you both.

At 9 months, all I have to do when my twins start to grab something they're not suppose to, usually a plant (which isn't poisonous!), is say NO in a stearn voice and the hand comes back and they crawl away. How was this accomplished? By repeatedly saying no, swatting the hand that was doing something it wasn't supposed to, and moving them away from the temptation. Not beating, not hitting, but swatting the hand. Not hard enough to make them cry, but just something a little negative for them to associate the action with.
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Old 02-18-2009, 12:38 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,419 posts, read 37,470,794 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by denverian View Post
So for all you non-spankers who think swatting a 2 year old on the butt is the equivilent to poking needles in kitten's eyeballs
I don't see where anyone said that....
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Old 02-18-2009, 12:38 PM
 
1,363 posts, read 5,427,523 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockinmomma View Post
We would like to take this approach, but DSD is afraid of us bringing this up to her momma. DSD acknowledges she should have been punished.... she was smarting off at her momma. We do not condone disrespect. If this had happened with us, we would have punished her, not by spanking, but punished none the less.

How's the mom normally? The way you describe your DSD is pretty much what I was like when I was her age. My mom was not afraid to pop us if we got out of line. However, in her moments of lucidity I was able to talk to her and she would listen. If I was afraid to actually talk to her, I would write her a note to find before she went to work and she would bring it up when she got home for work. In your DSD's situation, it would not have been out of the ordinary for me to write a note for my mom that said something like, "I know I shouldn't have talked back to you. I'm sorry for that. I would have listened without being spanked." Something...it seems like the time at work gave my mom the time she needed to think about what I had to say without defensively reacting to me speaking up. Could something like that work for your situation?
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Old 02-18-2009, 12:46 PM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,174 posts, read 23,211,765 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
I don't see where anyone said that....
OK, so maybe the kittens thing is a bit of a stretch. I by no means advocate child abuse, and I don't feel that I was abused as a kid by being spanked. And maybe not all parents have the self control to just spank. But we have many kids in our neighborhood and those who are/were spanked seem to be much better behaved than those who weren't.
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Old 02-18-2009, 12:56 PM
 
1,425 posts, read 3,641,441 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by regarese View Post
How's the mom normally? The way you describe your DSD is pretty much what I was like when I was her age. My mom was not afraid to pop us if we got out of line. However, in her moments of lucidity I was able to talk to her and she would listen. If I was afraid to actually talk to her, I would write her a note to find before she went to work and she would bring it up when she got home for work. In your DSD's situation, it would not have been out of the ordinary for me to write a note for my mom that said something like, "I know I shouldn't have talked back to you. I'm sorry for that. I would have listened without being spanked." Something...it seems like the time at work gave my mom the time she needed to think about what I had to say without defensively reacting to me speaking up. Could something like that work for your situation?
You just sent chills down my spine. DSD does this often. I have found the notes. I am pretty sure that DSD doesn't intend to give all the notes to her momma, but this is her way of vocalizing without putting herself out there for her momma. We have promised DSD that we would do whatever we could to keep her conversations with us inside our home. DSD is worried about her momma getting mad at her and we're worried she will (again) ask the kids to lie to us.
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Old 02-18-2009, 01:09 PM
 
8,415 posts, read 35,219,259 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockinmomma View Post
PLEASE OH PLEASE NOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Oh yes...which may be a good way to bring it up with the bio mom/dad about maturity in relations to spanking and when to discuss the advanced version of "where babies" and disease and things.
I think thats something thats good to talk about when you have more than 2 parents working with the kid as it is needed but still controversial as when to go over it.
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Old 02-18-2009, 01:29 PM
 
1,363 posts, read 5,427,523 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockinmomma View Post
You just sent chills down my spine. DSD does this often. I have found the notes. I am pretty sure that DSD doesn't intend to give all the notes to her momma, but this is her way of vocalizing without putting herself out there for her momma. We have promised DSD that we would do whatever we could to keep her conversations with us inside our home. DSD is worried about her momma getting mad at her and we're worried she will (again) ask the kids to lie to us.
Does her mom ever apologize to her for hitting her? That was always a good time to bring it up to my mom, too. Sometimes she just needed to be reminded (especially when she was feeling guilty) that I was a different breed from my sister and didn't need to be spanked. Or if not you guys, does she have an aunt or somebody from her mother's family she confides in who can be a voice of reason. My mother's sister was good for this.
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