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Old 02-18-2009, 04:21 PM
 
Location: Chicago
36,599 posts, read 57,867,463 times
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Given some of the adult children I have to deal with on a daily basis... I'd say maybe about 30. Maybe.

Or maybe their parents should have done it more often when they were 5 or 6.
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Old 02-18-2009, 04:28 PM
 
6,764 posts, read 13,955,347 times
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Not spanking will not make your kid a brat nor does it equal a passive parent.
I have never spanked my son--he is 10 (nearly 11). He is also a special ed. child. My husband and I parent together, and no one helps us out. We have never hit this child.

I do not see spanking as a tool...?
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Old 02-18-2009, 04:29 PM
 
1,986 posts, read 2,475,612 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pitt_transplant View Post
Puberty, Periods and Girls

You have kids and you don't know this?
"Most girls will have their first period between the ages of 11 and 14. But some girls will start as early as 8, whilst others may be as late as 17."
Mine started at 11. Am I supposed to research periods in order to have daughters? Get real. And since most start between 11 and 14, isn't that what I just said in my post?
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Old 02-18-2009, 04:30 PM
 
1,986 posts, read 2,475,612 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GypsySoul22 View Post
Not spanking will not make your kid a brat nor does it equal a passive parent.
I have never spanked my son--he is 10 (nearly 11). He is also a special ed. child. My husband and I parent together, and no one helps us out. We have never hit this child.

I do not see spanking as a tool...?
To each his own.. But I agree with Drover
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Old 02-18-2009, 04:41 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA... where the nest is now empty!
12,126 posts, read 14,246,211 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GypsySoul22 View Post
Not spanking will not make your kid a brat nor does it equal a passive parent.

Amen to that!
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Old 02-18-2009, 04:49 PM
 
Location: Chicago
36,599 posts, read 57,867,463 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GypsySoul22 View Post
Not spanking will not make your kid a brat nor does it equal a passive parent.
Maybe not in all circumstances. But the legions of 15- to 40-year-old brats out there indicates to me that parents have been too passive and maybe it's time parents reasserted their authority as parents. Sometimes spanking is a quick and effective way of doing just that.
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Old 02-18-2009, 05:11 PM
 
1,420 posts, read 2,228,872 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by regarese View Post
Does her mom ever apologize to her for hitting her? That was always a good time to bring it up to my mom, too. Sometimes she just needed to be reminded (especially when she was feeling guilty) that I was a different breed from my sister and didn't need to be spanked. Or if not you guys, does she have an aunt or somebody from her mother's family she confides in who can be a voice of reason. My mother's sister was good for this.
I do not know if the momma apologizes or not.

DSD has been coming to me. I do not want to cause more trouble for DSD by making an issue over a swat on the behind for mouthing off. DSD's momma doesn't have any family here and has few friends (that I know of).
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Old 02-18-2009, 05:27 PM
 
1,420 posts, read 2,228,872 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 121804 View Post
Again, the OPs issue is very personal but very real. At the same time, how many different messages is this 8yr old being sent by every authority figure in her life? One spanks, one doesn't; one isn't a parent in one's opinion; this that that this, blah blah blah..." I feel sorry for this little girl.

The OP and the adults involved need to grow up, set aside their feelings of the other, sit down & talk.

Parent how you must. But parent.
I feel bad for DSD.... more than you can know. But I am confused as to what you mean here. Both DH and I have spanked (although I have never popped DSD or DSS since there has never been an occasion to warrant it). We do not have a problem with spanking; we have questions as to the appropriateness at DSD's age.
As for the mixed messages from the two households.... we have been consistant in our dicipline and structure. DH & I are modeling the behavior we would like to see in our children as adults. Are you saying we should resort back to spanking just because the momma does? We do not have
any disrespect worthy of a pop on the behind. Yes I am a step mother... if that makes me not worthy as a legitimate parent, that is your opinion. I am the custodial mother as my DH has primary custody. I love and treat all of the children in my home the same (allowing for differences due to the individualness of the child). The children are thriving in school and activities. They have responsibilities of self and schoolwork. We encourage a healthy relationship with all of their family.... includes the bioparents and their spouse.

We have sit down and talked. DH & I are following through on all promises made. I will not, however, put DSD in the middle by potentially getting her in more trouble for discussing her feelings with me.
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Old 02-18-2009, 05:42 PM
 
3,842 posts, read 6,850,053 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockinmomma View Post
I feel bad for DSD.... more than you can know. But I am confused as to what you mean here. Both DH and I have spanked (although I have never popped DSD or DSS since there has never been an occasion to warrant it). We do not have a problem with spanking; we have questions as to the appropriateness at DSD's age.
As for the mixed messages from the two households.... we have been consistant in our dicipline and structure. DH & I are modeling the behavior we would like to see in our children as adults. Are you saying we should resort back to spanking just because the momma does? We do not have
any disrespect worthy of a pop on the behind. Yes I am a step mother... if that makes me not worthy as a legitimate parent, that is your opinion. I am the custodial mother as my DH has primary custody. I love and treat all of the children in my home the same (allowing for differences due to the individualness of the child). The children are thriving in school and activities. They have responsibilities of self and schoolwork. We encourage a healthy relationship with all of their family.... includes the bioparents and their spouse.

We have sit down and talked. DH & I are following through on all promises made. I will not, however, put DSD in the middle by potentially getting her in more trouble for discussing her feelings with me.
Honestly, thank you for responding honestly. I was picking up on this as anti v pro... I apologize if I missed it in the first post.

The fact is that your DSD is getting mixed messages...one is doing one thing; the other another thing. That's why I suggested sitting down, though without DSD. To put DSD in the middle just doesn't seem necessary nor right.

But you state you have sat down & talked about all of this.

I don't really see the need for a spanking at that age when far more appropriate & effective methods are easily there.

It's a shame that the bio mom is taking this route even after talking with her.

I just didn't want the 8yr old to get lost in the anti v pro battle.

I hope someone who has been in your situation can give you some clarity. It doesn't sound easy. Best of luck.
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Old 02-18-2009, 08:37 PM
 
1,420 posts, read 2,228,872 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 121804 View Post
Honestly, thank you for responding honestly. I was picking up on this as anti v pro... I apologize if I missed it in the first post.

The fact is that your DSD is getting mixed messages...one is doing one thing; the other another thing. That's why I suggested sitting down, though without DSD. To put DSD in the middle just doesn't seem necessary nor right.

But you state you have sat down & talked about all of this.

I don't really see the need for a spanking at that age when far more appropriate & effective methods are easily there.

It's a shame that the bio mom is taking this route even after talking with her.

I just didn't want the 8yr old to get lost in the anti v pro battle.

I hope someone who has been in your situation can give you some clarity. It doesn't sound easy. Best of luck.
I'm sorry if my first post was unclear. I don't want DSD to get lost in this whole thing either. I am not even going to comment on the to spank or not to spank.... I honestly don't care about other ppl's opinions there. My post was geared to those who do spank.
Thank you for clarifying your post, it makes sense to me now.
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