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Old 02-18-2009, 08:22 PM
 
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"I do not want to cause more trouble for DSD by making an issue over a swat on the behind for mouthing off."

Maybe I'm reading this wrong, but this makes it sound like this isn't something that happens all of the time, nor do you think she's being abused. It might just end up being one of those things that are different at each house. I mean, if she's getting spanked all of the time there's cause for concern, but if it's that her mom is just doing it differently than you guys do then I don't know that there is much more for you to do then just be a person your DSD can talk to. My parents were divorced. My mom spanked, my dad never laid a hand on us. We respected both, and knew that each had the same expectations as far as behavior was concerned, but we knew there were different methods for different houses. I could be misunderstanding your post, but that's my take on it.

Talking about this though...looking back, I KNOW why we obeyed our mother, but can't for the life of me figure out why we listened to our father-LOL-the guy was a total pushover, but there was a definate line not to cross. Sorry...digression.
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Old 02-18-2009, 08:28 PM
 
516 posts, read 1,748,186 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
No, it means that even a newborn is too old to be spanked.
(answering the OP's question: "how old is too old for spanking?"

Beating up a kid in the womb is what's ridiculous....
Thank you... for clearing that up for those who didn't get it!

Also, why are we having multiple converations on a single thread? Spanking? Puberty? How are they related exactly?
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Old 02-18-2009, 08:36 PM
 
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How old is too old for spanking? Depends on when a kid is mature enough to determine his or her own behavior and regulate it to stop warranting a spanking.
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Old 02-18-2009, 08:37 PM
 
1,425 posts, read 3,641,441 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by regarese View Post
"I do not want to cause more trouble for DSD by making an issue over a swat on the behind for mouthing off."

Maybe I'm reading this wrong, but this makes it sound like this isn't something that happens all of the time, nor do you think she's being abused. It might just end up being one of those things that are different at each house. I mean, if she's getting spanked all of the time there's cause for concern, but if it's that her mom is just doing it differently than you guys do then I don't know that there is much more for you to do then just be a person your DSD can talk to. My parents were divorced. My mom spanked, my dad never laid a hand on us. We respected both, and knew that each had the same expectations as far as behavior was concerned, but we knew there were different methods for different houses. I could be misunderstanding your post, but that's my take on it.

Talking about this though...looking back, I KNOW why we obeyed our mother, but can't for the life of me figure out why we listened to our father-LOL-the guy was a total pushover, but there was a definate line not to cross. Sorry...digression.
You're not wrong, this is the first time we've heard of any of the kids getting spanked. We are not concerned over physical abuse. For the most part we do not interfere with how DSD's momma chooses to parent. We are aware of many differences in the parenting styles and the seem to have accepted them for the most part. What concerns us the most I guess is that this is new, plus with this child, a stern voice or even a look brings immediate contrition.
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Old 02-18-2009, 08:49 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockinmomma View Post
What concerns us the most I guess is that this is new, plus with this child, a stern voice or even a look brings immediate contrition.
This sounds soooo much like me. If you and your husband are the custodial parents, it could be that mom doesn't know her daughter well enough to know this and thought she was being proactive in heading off a smartmouth daughter? Or maybe she was having an off day. It sounds like you guys are on top of it though, and your DSD has a good situation in your house and probably with her mom once the kinks are worked out. I hope it works out.
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Old 02-19-2009, 05:50 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,779 posts, read 18,681,251 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cav Scout wife View Post
I am going to go with my dear Mom's (RIP) answer for this question. Never too old, I brought you into this world, I can take you out and make another one that looks just like ya.

I can tell you this right now, if my Mom were still alive, and I did something bad, she would bust my ass, and I would probably deserve it.
Agreed Parents are too worried these days about their kids liking them moreso than disipline !!!
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Old 02-19-2009, 08:31 AM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,174 posts, read 23,211,765 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
Agreed Parents are too worried these days about their kids liking them moreso than disipline !!!
I see way too much of this - parents trying to be "friends" with their children. My thought is, I'm not their friend, I'm their mentor, coach, and parent. Of course we can and do have fun play times, but if you don't establish your "leadership role" when they're very young, they won't respect you as their leader later on. For the most part, the parents I see who treat their kids as "friends" have little control over them.

Another thing I refuse to do is refer to my boys as "buddy, dude, bro', etc.", like I see others doing. When they realize that these are names people use for other people on their own level, they'll lose respect for the parent/child relationship and again, you'll lose control of them.
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Old 02-19-2009, 09:48 AM
 
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Originally Posted by denverian View Post
I see way too much of this - parents trying to be "friends" with their children. My thought is, I'm not their friend, I'm their mentor, coach, and parent. Of course we can and do have fun play times, but if you don't establish your "leadership role" when they're very young, they won't respect you as their leader later on. For the most part, the parents I see who treat their kids as "friends" have little control over them.

Another thing I refuse to do is refer to my boys as "buddy, dude, bro', etc.", like I see others doing. When they realize that these are names people use for other people on their own level, they'll lose respect for the parent/child relationship and again, you'll lose control of them.
I also believe that you should be a parent first and friend second. To take it a step further, respect is a two way street. But I didn't start this thread on the whole parent v/s friend or spanking v/s not spanking, my question was to the age when a child can be punished just as effectively by other means.
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Old 02-19-2009, 05:54 PM
 
Location: Sacramento
2,568 posts, read 5,977,320 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockinmomma View Post
You're not wrong, this is the first time we've heard of any of the kids getting spanked. We are not concerned over physical abuse. For the most part we do not interfere with how DSD's momma chooses to parent. We are aware of many differences in the parenting styles and the seem to have accepted them for the most part. What concerns us the most I guess is that this is new, plus with this child, a stern voice or even a look brings immediate contrition.
| read through most of this thread before I figure out that DSD means dear step-daughter. Let me get the situation straight DSD lives most of the time with you and your hubby(her biodad). How often does she visit her mom?
She mouthed of to her mom. Why? Has she ever spoken to you or her dad that way? Is it possible that she doesn't respect her mom and her mom got fed up with it? There more stuff going on here. I think it already happened and it is done with. The child should be told not to mouth anyone in the future. Turning this into a family drama is not going to be productive. JMHO.

To answer your original question I think the only reason to spank little ones is when they are toddlers and are doing dangerous stuff like running into the street. I do not believe in spanking after diapers come off.
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Old 02-19-2009, 06:42 PM
 
1,425 posts, read 3,641,441 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by suzie02 View Post
| read through most of this thread before I figure out that DSD means dear step-daughter. Let me get the situation straight DSD lives most of the time with you and your hubby(her biodad). How often does she visit her mom?
She mouthed of to her mom. Why? Has she ever spoken to you or her dad that way? Is it possible that she doesn't respect her mom and her mom got fed up with it? There more stuff going on here. I think it already happened and it is done with. The child should be told not to mouth anyone in the future. Turning this into a family drama is not going to be productive. JMHO.

To answer your original question I think the only reason to spank little ones is when they are toddlers and are doing dangerous stuff like running into the street. I do not believe in spanking after diapers come off.
Yes she is my dear/darling step daughter.
She has visitation with her momma most weekends.
I do not know exactly why she mouthed off and I don't know how to approach the subject without DSD feeling like I am interrogating her.
No, she is never mouthy with us... she isn't an angel, but for the most part just saying her name in a stern voice will make her re-evaluate her behavior.
There is alot more going on here.
We told DSD she should not mouth off at anybody, especially an adult.

DH and I have pretty much decided to let this go unless it becomes or crates more problems.
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