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Would really appreciate some advice as I am at a loss what to do. I have 3 daughters; 13, 15 and 16, and they are all practically clones of their mother who is the type of woman that one could say is high maintenance as in she won't go anywhere without looking her best and always has her hair/nails done etc. etc. It has translated to our daughters who have taken up after her wholeheartedly.
They all read fashion/teen mags and my wife loves taking them to get all the stuff she does done and shopping and all that stuff, which I am not saying is bad or wrong but it leaves little for me to do and believe me I have tried. I have taken them all camping which they hated with a passion, took them fishing which they also hated, tried to do other things but to no avail. I have asked them what they'd like to do and they always say go to the mall or something of that nature.
I have talked to my wife and she just says that's how they are and I can't change it. I am not looking to change who they are and I am glad they all have a great relationship with their mother but there seems little room for me. I do certainly love my daughters but sometimes I do wish I had had a son or at least one of them were a tomboy. Heck just yesterday I was out grocery shopping with my 13 year old and she wanted some fashion magazine which I did get her but I wish she and other daughters were at least willing to do something else.
One of my daughters goes to the firing range with her dad. Both of my girls like to go to movies with him. He's willing to sit through princess movies and Minion movies and things like that.
Would really appreciate some advice as I am at a loss what to do. I have 3 daughters; 13, 15 and 16, and they are all practically clones of their mother who is the type of woman that one could say is high maintenance as in she won't go anywhere without looking her best and always has her hair/nails done etc. etc. It has translated to our daughters who have taken up after her wholeheartedly.
They all read fashion/teen mags and my wife loves taking them to get all the stuff she does done and shopping and all that stuff, which I am not saying is bad or wrong but it leaves little for me to do and believe me I have tried. I have taken them all camping which they hated with a passion, took them fishing which they also hated, tried to do other things but to no avail. I have asked them what they'd like to do and they always say go to the mall or something of that nature.
I have talked to my wife and she just says that's how they are and I can't change it. I am not looking to change who they are and I am glad they all have a great relationship with their mother but there seems little room for me. I do certainly love my daughters but sometimes I do wish I had had a son or at least one of them were a tomboy. Heck just yesterday I was out grocery shopping with my 13 year old and she wanted some fashion magazine which I did get her but I wish she and other daughters were at least willing to do something else.
Perhaps being involved in their lives more starting 13, 15 & 16 years ago would have helped.
What were your girls like ten years ago (3, 5, 6) and five years ago (8, 10, 11) ? What types ofthings did you do with them then? I can't picture a three year old and a five & six year old being that interested in manicures and fashion magazines at that age. Can you continue some of those same activities?
What about talking about their futures? Your 16 year old is probably starting to plan for college (and her sisters will be soon). Perhaps, you can spend more time talking about her HS classes and how they will help her in college. Perhaps, you can start to make college visits together.
You have to find a place in their lives for you. Maybe take each one out to a special "daddy-daughter" dinner or movie or some other mutually enjoyable activity once every two weeks. What did you enjoy doing with them before? What other things do they like? Take them on an adventure every so often to introduce them to a different experience (hiking, paintball, ice skating, whatever!). Maybe something will "take" and you'll have a mutual activity to enjoy. Teens of both genders can be difficult to reach. Peers become so much more important, and they are still "finding themselves." My oldest daughter is 12, and she is definitely a girly girl (which I am not at all), but she absolutely treasures time with her daddy and will do things with him and she doesn't normally do. My oldest son is 15 and sometimes it's hard to find things to do with him since we are at very different places. But we've always had a great relationship, so I find those common grounds (and sometimes I end up doing something I don't enjoy as much just to spend time with him-- videogames anyone?).
No matter what, don't stop trying. They may not help you find common ground, and it may not be easy, but they will remember that you tried and that you were part of their lives.
Perhaps being involved in their lives more starting 13, 15 & 16 years ago would have helped.
I think this is the most important thing right here. What were you doing with them when they were little girls, and why weren't you involving them in activities then? I remember my father teaching me how to hammer nails when I was around 6 and it was fun and a useful skill.
Take them to the movies, a museum, a painting place to paint ceramics, out for ice cream/frozen yogurt, amusement park, zoo, out for a bike ride, a play, driving lessons in an empty parking lot or country roads, spa day ( men can get facials and massages too).
Girls model after their mothers. Damage has already been done. The only thing that might knock them out of it is a life changing trauma that forces them to see things differently.
Not everyone loves the same. To you taking them fishing is special because you like it and it would allow more one on one time with them. But they are inclined to want pretty things and that is how your wife has been training them. That is how she shows love to her daughters as twisted as that is.
Try taking a cruise. There are activities, dances, sports, sun-bathing, a pool, floor shows.
Something for everyone.
I presume you can afford it because you have supported their shopping budget up til now.
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