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Old 02-23-2009, 12:54 PM
 
Location: Heart of the San Joaquin
350 posts, read 993,607 times
Reputation: 322

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We're going through a family crisis right now with my 17 1/2 year old niece. She has muscular dystrophy, is very thin, depressed, won't eat. She hasn't had the most stable family life, but she definitely isn't abused. She was taken to the hospital because she won't eat and is losing a tremendous amount of weight. Long story short, the authorities got child protective services involved, disallowed any visiting (from any of the family without supervision), moved her to foster care. She recently called 911 because she feels she is being abused there (being made to sleep in a recliner when she has a steel rod in her back), on an on. I am absolutely blown away that someone can take away a child, not tell the parents where that child is, deny contact, and make them jump through all these hoops just to drag it out.. She is begging to go home. My brother is ready to stroke out over all this. He has hired an attorney, but it is slow going.
Trust me, I know there is a need for this agency, but also, this is not a case they should be pursuing. Any one else have this kind of bad experience?
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Old 02-23-2009, 01:07 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,173 posts, read 17,712,376 times
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hi I know my sister had them involved with her when she would not do the shots for her kids because of a family history of having autism when given the innoculations . It all started when she went to a different dr than her regular family doctor who was well aware of the sittuation . These people came in her house went through everything and made sure that there was sheets on the bed and the whole nine yards . My sister got a lawyer and they backed off real quick . What the hell the sheets had anything to do with what was going on I dont know . I called this drs office and gave them a piece of my mind as well as my mother calling them and giving them hell as well . they had no right . Alot of drs go overboard I think when assuming they know what is going on and they dont . I would advise your brother to get an attorney , a family law attorney and send those people a nasty little letter with intent to sue and see how quick they back off . good luck to you .
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Old 02-23-2009, 01:25 PM
 
2,466 posts, read 4,208,518 times
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All I know is, Family Services can make your life a living nightmare. Even if your Bother and SIL can get their daughter back and Family Services backed down, there will always be a red flag on file and if anyone were to contact Family Services again for any other reason, (even if it's some stupid person thinking they are meaning well when they call about a minor incident) Family services will be on their case like white on rice and they could lose any other children in the home.

Yes they are a much needed service if they are being used properly, but from what I have seen of them around here, they are more of a waste than anything. Around here they would much rather go after a person who spanked their kid instead of going after a person who is actually abusing their kid. I think it is easier to scare the heck out of an innocent person while they look like they are doing their job, than it is to go after the real bad guys who actually scare the heck out of them.

I wish your family much luck and hope that all can return to some sort of normalcy (if you call walking on egg shells from here on out normal) I also hope that your niece starts feeling and doing better.
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Old 02-23-2009, 01:39 PM
 
Location: Heart of the San Joaquin
350 posts, read 993,607 times
Reputation: 322
Thanks everyone. Like I said, we're all just shocked. This could happen to anyone. My brother is a successful business man, a good dad, and its killing him that he can't get to his daughter. I think they're figuring out that it is a medical thing (she won't eat in the hospital or at the foster home either). So it wasn't a case of food being withheld. I think they're covering their bases because a child was just beaten to death by his stepfather and they kind of dropped the ball on that case. They go to court in one week.
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Old 02-23-2009, 02:04 PM
 
Location: Niles, Michigan
1,692 posts, read 3,130,836 times
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As a pass Foster parent I see things different sometimes. THey just can't take a child without having cause because it has to be held up in court. I have seen removes when the first court hearing which is usually very fast after removal the judge finds that there isn't enough grounds. Not often but some. With medical issues there has to be support of findings from the hospital or doctors. If the child isn't eating they want to find out why. I know they can be a pain but in some cases they do save children. I really don't know enough of your case to understand it. Get a lawyer, do what they say. A 17 year old isn't the easy to deal with at all. I know that to protect Foster parents and many have had issues before they don't tell you where your child is. Perhaps they are making her do things that the doctors tell then to that the child wouldn't do for the parents. You do have the rught to know when doctor appointments are and be there. Family members can also be looked at for placement.
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Old 02-23-2009, 02:16 PM
 
Location: Heart of the San Joaquin
350 posts, read 993,607 times
Reputation: 322
Quote:
Originally Posted by michiganmom48 View Post
As a pass Foster parent I see things different sometimes. THey just can't take a child without having cause because it has to be held up in court. I have seen removes when the first court hearing which is usually very fast after removal the judge finds that there isn't enough grounds. Not often but some. With medical issues there has to be support of findings from the hospital or doctors. If the child isn't eating they want to find out why. I know they can be a pain but in some cases they do save children. I really don't know enough of your case to understand it. Get a lawyer, do what they say. A 17 year old isn't the easy to deal with at all. I know that to protect Foster parents and many have had issues before they don't tell you where your child is. Perhaps they are making her do things that the doctors tell then to that the child wouldn't do for the parents. You do have the rught to know when doctor appointments are and be there. Family members can also be looked at for placement.
I hear you about teenagers, and she's obstinate and stubborn. I think eating is one of the only things she has control over in her life, and I think in the beginning she might have enjoyed the attention she was getting. It's not all roses and lollipops at her home (she lives with mom during the week, then with dad on weekends). I believe mom is the problem and I think the hospital recognized some problems (she has health & past drug problems) and I agree that there are some great foster parents and a definite need, but I think the child should have rights too. She wasn't even able to see her 11 year old sister. They did look to family for placement, but she needs someone there during the day, and we all work full time. Hopefully it will be over soon, but what a system!
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Old 02-23-2009, 03:07 PM
 
Location: Niles, Michigan
1,692 posts, read 3,130,836 times
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Like I said I don't know the whole story. The child as well gets an attorney and she is old enough to speak with him. They have also suggest a mental health worker. I know that it is hard and I say this not because I see this all as a Foster parent but because I have been on the other side. I have 7 kids. Three of my kids are from my first marriage. My one daughter used to play everyone against each other. So her Dad because I was remarried made complaints they were never removed and they were dropped but I know. Also as a Foster parents you get complaints from the parents mostly because they are angey with you because there children are taken. Believe it or not and I had over 45 foster kids, most go back home. Do what they say and try and hear them. Sometimes when we are in the middle of something outside people can see things. My guess is that this is a lot about the child not eating. If she is doing this to have control it will stop now that she can't go home
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Old 02-23-2009, 03:12 PM
 
Location: Sacramento
2,568 posts, read 5,848,634 times
Reputation: 1905
Quote:
Originally Posted by momojojo View Post
I hear you about teenagers, and she's obstinate and stubborn. I think eating is one of the only things she has control over in her life, and I think in the beginning she might have enjoyed the attention she was getting. It's not all roses and lollipops at her home (she lives with mom during the week, then with dad on weekends). I believe mom is the problem and I think the hospital recognized some problems (she has health & past drug problems) and I agree that there are some great foster parents and a definite need, but I think the child should have rights too. She wasn't even able to see her 11 year old sister. They did look to family for placement, but she needs someone there during the day, and we all work full time. Hopefully it will be over soon, but what a system!
So there are more issues that you stated on the first post. Can the father afford to pay for a care taker to be with her during the day. Maybe that way he can have her placed with him. She was removed from the mother's care right? Not from his care? Where is the 11yo at?
As a former foster mother, I can tell you that we have lives and we can not be available to meet with the parents all the time. Some parents blame the foster parents for the removal when we don't have a say at all. We are just caretaker. A safe place for the children to live.
With that said I am a mom now and I couldn't imagine being separated from my children.
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Old 02-23-2009, 03:24 PM
 
Location: Heart of the San Joaquin
350 posts, read 993,607 times
Reputation: 322
Yes, he can afford a caretaker and that's his plan. 11 year old is with him. They are not divorced or separated, they have a residence closer to medical facilities and highschool during the week, and return home to the foothills on weekends. SIL should be taken out of the picture and I think all would be fine. She definitely needs mental health counseling.

Thank you all for your comments. It's a tough situation. I think my brother needs to wake up and smell the coffee. Thanks again.
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Old 02-23-2009, 03:27 PM
 
Location: home
180 posts, read 550,948 times
Reputation: 115
My husband is has been dealing with them over the last 9 months. his son was removed from his mother because of neglect and drug abuse. my husband had made numerous reports about his son being dirty, underweight, and his abusive behavior. they did nothing until his childs mothers step mother called and reported the same thing. when cps came and removed my husbands son my husband wasnt even notified! the step mom that had temporary custody called and let him know. cps has been less then cooperative even claiming that my husband has no relationship with his son ( just an attempt to cover their butts). still today my husbands son is a ward of the state of ky because they have been draggin it out. my husbands childs mother has warrants for forgery and theft and they still claim they are waiting for her straighten up.
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